


Unplanned

by ApfelTHS



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Angst, Ben builds furnitures, Blood and Injury, Childbirth, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Gay Character, Graphic Description, Hand Kink, Happy Ending, Oral Sex, POV Ben Solo, POV Rey (Star Wars), Pining Ben Solo, Pregnancy sex, Pregnant Rey (Star Wars), Protective Ben Solo, Rey Johnson - Freeform, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey is a surgeon, Sad and Happy, Sex, Shy Ben Solo, Smut, Soft Ben Solo, Tough Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:33:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 61,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23121064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApfelTHS/pseuds/ApfelTHS
Summary: After a long wait in the ER, Ben Solo meets the doctor who is going to take care of his injury. Surgeon Rey Johnson is a tough nut to crack but somehow he manages to melt her heart. Struggling with her right to happiness and love, she's forced to give Ben a chance when an unplanned event blooms on their path.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 111
Kudos: 260





	1. Under my skin

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome! 
> 
> Here's a story I had not planned to make this long but here we are again. This was supposed to be a cute two-shots piece but now we've got angst and fights and love and everything in between! I hope you'll like it just as I liked writing it. Few things you need to know:
> 
> -If you're not aware, I'm not a native English speaker so sorry if this is not perfect.  
> -In this work you will find graphic descriptions of injury, pregnancy and childbirth. If this is something making you uncomfortable you've be warned (please read the tags for other warnings).
> 
> For those who are familiar with my[ previous story](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22132606/chapters/52827358), I can tell you both Ben and Rey are going to be very different from what I've written before and it's getting exciting!  
> Also, I have no medical background, so maybe I'm stating some bullshit, don't hesitate to correct me (nicely) if you know better. Anyway, enough talking, enjoy!

[](https://servimg.com/view/11189626/1367)

Ben wiped the sweat from his forehead again. Was it one or two hours since they had put him in this room? He couldn’t recall. He didn’t know what time it was, the battery of his phone had died and everything was a blur. He closed his eyes for a minute, trying to forget the aching in his arm, more precisely in his hand. His t-shirt was dirty, dark blood stains from the collar to the hem. For once, he had decided to wear white, it had been a mistake.

What was taking them so long? It was probably past midnight now, he had come to the ER at 6 in the afternoon and besides an x-ray scan, nothing had happened. Ben had been put in this tiny room by a young blond intern with malicious and clever eyes. This annoying white light above his head and the smell of bleach so typical of hospitals were keeping him awake, at least. No blanket in sight and it was freezing. The blood had dried up on the t-shirt and he could feel the fabric sticking to his skin. It was disgusting. Blood was disgusting.

He tried to take a sneak peek under the messy bandage he had made around his hand before driving to the hospital but stopped right when he realized the fabric had stuck to his wound. Fuck. It was going to hurt so bad when they’ll take this off. If they come here one day. He sighed for the twentieth time, closing his eyes to forget his surroundings. It wasn’t like the ER seemed in a rush that night but no one had come in his room for hours now. Or maybe he was just too tired and bored. Ben could forget how thirsty and hungry he was when the heart beating in his hand was waking up from time to time.

As he wondered what he looked like, lied on this very tiny bed (or maybe it was him who was too big) with blood on his clothes, his hair gone sweaty and face even paler than usual, the door finally opened. _And oh my!_ He thought. He didn’t expect her to be so… _So_. She was tiny but not small… She was tall, toned but gracious and thin, like he could break her in a blink. She had her eyes down on a file, probably his, her hair tied up in a tight bun high on her head, a white scrub over blue shirt and pants, like every doctor around. She pressed her lips together and rose her head to look at him. She was pretty. Not movie-star pretty. Just undeniably pretty. Nothing was out of place, everything was perfect, smart, cheeky. She wasn’t smiling but he could tell she had the most amazing smile behind those naturally rosy lips.

« So, Mr. Solo right? » Her voice inspired him respect but he also liked the sound of it.  
« You can call me Ben. »  
« Ben, I’m Dr. Johnson. I’m a hand surgeon, I’m gonna take a look at your injury. »

Ben sat tighter, watching her with a lot of interest. Was she going to hurt him? The blond intern came back with a big file in her hands and the pretty doctor greeted her with a benevolent smile. She took out what looked like the x-ray scans of Ben’s hand and put them on the light board on the wall, mumbling for herself.

« See here, Connix? It goes right between metacarpals four and five? It’s a tricky one. We gotta hope nothing has been cut or otherwise… »

She suspended her sentence and Ben looked at them. They were talking about him, in front of him but completely ignoring his presence.

« Sorry but hm… Otherwise what? » He asked, not certain he was going to like what she’d answer.  
« Otherwise we’ll have to operate. » She said as if it was just a formality.  
« Wh- Why? It’s just a little cut. It’s bleeding like hell but it’s just- »  
« There is nothing as a little cut on hands, Ben. »

She was talking to him like he was a child and even though he felt stupid for a moment it wasn’t that unpleasant to be bossed around by her. What was happening to him?

« Okay Connix, I need you to take this dirty bandage off so I can take a look. »  
« It’s probably… stuck. So don’t pull to harsh. Please. » He begged a little too much to his liking.  
« Okay big boy, we’re gonna do this gently, I promise. »

Was she making fun of him? She winked at Ben, smiling a bit but without looking at him in the eyes. Ben was completely disoriented because of the pain and the fact that he didn’t know what was happening at all. Connix started to remove the bandage, soaking the fabric with a sterile liquid gushing out of the bottle. Every sensation was tenfold because of how sensitive his hand was. The simple brushing of the tissue over his swollen skin made him wince and tighten his jaw. The young intern was slowly unveiling his hand and Ben’s brows pinched together. He had never seen something that disgusting.

Ben Solo wasn’t a clumsy guy. He had fallen and bumped his head when he was a child as all normal kids do. But he had never been that one boy you urge to the ER every Saturday afternoon. Now that he was a Professor in University, he didn’t have to deal with younglings injuring themselves. He wasn’t used to these kind of visions. Especially on him.

Between his ring and little finger, a deep, large and bloody cut was shining under the white surgical light. The blood had stopped leaking, but it was still wet. Around the wound, his right hand was swollen, blue and yellow. His fingers looked twice bigger than before, which was something because Ben had large hands already. None of the two doctors seemed to care that his limb looked like a spoiled beef steak.

« You have to put something under his hand, it’s gonna be a bloodbath in 30 seconds » the doctor said with a blank voice while the intern went looking for something in the drawer behind them.

Ben stiffened a little. A blood bath? Hadn’t he lost enough blood already? How painful was it going to be?

« Excuse me but, what are you going to do to me? »  
« Your bones are fine according to the x-ray. We still have to check inside if you didn’t cut a tendon. »  
« O-Okay. »

Ben wasn’t feeling very well. He didn’t really know how she was supposed to check inside besides if she put her fingers in. The thought of it made him sick. A cold sweat ran down his temple and he shivered a little. He looked for a sign of reassurance on the doctor’s face but she was ignoring him. The intern smiled a bit but she wasn’t in charge. Ben wanted to know he was going to be okay. After watching the two women wash their hands and forearms and put on some gloves, Ben swallowed and exhaled to give himself courage.

The one called Connix started to prepare several syringes with a translucent liquid inside. But nobody was talking to him, like he was some sort of guinea pig. The blond approached one of the needle to his hand and he tried to protect it, resulting in an horrendous pain into his whole arm.

« Fuck! » He shouted.  
« Wow! Big boy, don’t move. » Doctor Johnson had still this mocking tone in her voice.  
« Can’t you tell me what you’re doing?! »  
« Dr Connix here is an intern. She’s learning under my supervision.” She toned down. “She’s going to inject you anesthetic so you won’t feel pain while we check on you and stitch you up. »  
« Oh… Okay. Okay then. Does it hurt? »  
« Just a tad. » Johnson said with a snarky smile.

Ben sighed again, suspicious but cornered and forced to trust them. Dr. Johnson was pretty but cruel. She enjoyed it. He was there, hurt and vulnerable and she was treating him like a mad dog. But he couldn’t help thinking she wasn’t just that. Ben didn’t have time to husk the beautiful surgeon any longer. A sharp and breathtaking pain emanated from his hand. Connix had pierced his skin with the syringe, the needle deep into him. Fuck! This was awful! His hand, already aching was on alert. Every nerves in his body were screaming for her to stop. Johnson seemed to see him struggling and she said:

« You’re a bit oversensitive, aren’t you? »  
« Over- It freaking hurts! » He protested.  
« You still have 10 syringes to go. »  
« What?! »  
« Don’t worry, » said Connix. « You won’t feel anything after the fifth one. »  
« Oh gr— ARGH! Fuck! »

Ben thought cutting himself had been an awful experience. But now, he was wondering if the needles were really necessary. Then, after three long minutes of agony, the pain vanished. He couldn’t feel a thing. It was like he had no hand at all. Life was beautiful again, his heart found a slow pace in his chest, the heavy weight on his stomach lifted a little bit and he breathed out with relief.

« See? You’re okay now. » The pretty doctor chuckled.  
« You should have said it was awful. I would have prepared myself. »  
« You would have ran away. » She answered with that same smile. « Now Connix, look what I’m gonna do. We’ll have to open the wound again and check with our fingers. There’s nothing in books preparing you for this. Only practice. Now, big boy here doesn’t seem ready to spend too much time on this, so I’ll be quick. »

Ben snorted a bit. So, she was going to be like this during the whole thing, huh? Now that his hand wasn’t in pain anymore, he could take it. Maybe throw the ball back too. Also, he liked that she was calling him « big ». For… Reasons.  
When her fingers sank in his injury, he winced but nothing hurt. He just had a weird sensation. She was inside of him, touching his bones, his raw flesh. His apparent calmness contrasted with the mess she was making. The wound had reopened and with it, the bleeding. Like in a bad horror movie, a blood stream kept spraying a red mist every time the doctor pushed the skin around. From the back of his hand, thick drops of scarlet liquid formed a gore but fascinating pool. Connix ran to find something else to put under his arm and he had no choice but to object.

« Seriously? An adult diaper?! »  
« You’re bleeding too much. »

Ben was about to sigh but instead he screamed. The pain had woken up. It wasn’t on the surface as before, it was buried inside. Tears started to burst uncontrollably out of his eyes. _Fuck it hurts._ He moaned and pressed his teeth like he was about to break them, biting his other hand in search for comfort.. The distant voice of Dr. Johnson echoed in his ears.

« Why are you crying? »

Her hand was still inside his, his stomach heavy, air forced inside his throat, his toes bent in his shoes, the entirety of his muscles gone stiff. He could feel her thumb brushing a bone and a nerve between his fingers. Both of them were very awake. What was she looking for? The Holy Grail? Behind his sight rendered blurry with his tears, he screamed:

« Stop! It hurts! »

She said nothing but he saw her grab another syringe and plunge the needle deep in his hand. He jumped on the bed and watched his palm swell even more. The medicine was slowly filling his skin and in a matter of seconds he went totally numb.

« Is that better? »  
« Yeah… Much better. Thanks. »

When she dived back in, Connix’s pager rang.

« Go. » Johnson said. « This one’s not gonna die. » And then she smiled, her fingers still inside him, and not in a sexy way. Fortunately for Ben, his hand was now completely anesthetized. He stared at her, so focused on his bloody slit, her brows frowned, her pink mouth pouted. She had small hands, probably better for her work. She was a hand surgeon, dealing with very precise tools and tiny bones.

« So? » He asked, inquisitive.  
« So… It looks like you have a cut tendon, but it’s alright. It’s not gonna change anything because it’s only cracked in the length and not cut in half, you see what I mean? Besides, you have one on each side of your finger which means your hand is gonna be just fine. How did you do that to yourself? »  
« I was working on customizing a table and I guess I wasn’t paying enough attention to the saw. »  
« That must hurt. »  
« Not even remotely as much as what you put me through earlier. »

She smiled and took off her gloves for new, clean ones.

« I looked for debris but the cut is clean. Nothing went inside. I’m just gonna have to do some stitches… I guess it will be fine. »  
« Is it gonna hurt? »  
« No. » She giggled and prepared everything she would need on a silvery platter.

Ben watched her in silence, his eyes slowly travelling back to his hand. It looked really awful, like an old piece of rotten meat. And the blood… Ben never thought it could be so dark and thick. The liquid life was dripping from his palm, on his arm and pooling in that stupid diaper. The cut was well-opened, red and fleshy. It was as fascinating as disgusting. If he really thought about it, he could almost taste the iron on his tongue. Dr. Johnson hid the beautiful massacre from his sight with a green paper cloth with a hole in the middle so she could still access the crimson slit. Her platter ready, she sat on a stool, wiped the blood off his hand with a sterile compress and pierced the first two holes in his skin with the needle.

« Am I gonna have a scar? »  
« Yes… A visible one for like a year and then it’s gonna fade away… »  
« And how long am I going to be in pain? »  
« I can’t tell… But you cut yourself pretty deep so I’d say… Two months, at best. »  
« What? » Ben had trouble believing it would hurt for so long.  
« You need to heal, it’s going to take awhile. You can’t use your hand. You’re a cabinetmaker? »  
« No, I teach History in College. »  
« So the table was…? »  
« I do that on weekends. I like… fixing old furnitures. »

She smiled shyly this time, her eyes still on her work.

« That’s nice. But maybe you’ll have to stop for a bit now. You’re a right handed? »  
« Yes, unfortunately. »  
« I’m sorry. »

Focused on her work, Johnson wasn’t a sadist anymore. She had a soft voice, calm, soothing. Ben wanted to know more about her too. He was aware she was only talking to him so he’d stay still but he couldn’t help feeling something building between them.

« So, you’re a doctor, huh? »

Oh, good one Ben. Really good.

« Yeah, that’s what they said to me this morning when I came to pick up my janitor outfit. We need you to do a little surgery here and there they said. »

Ben smiled while she chuckled. Such a nice laughter.

« All right, that was a dumb question. »  
« I’m just teasing you. Must be stressful to be there. I wouldn’t like it. »  
« You’ve never been injured? »  
« Nope. I’m a careful woman. Gosh, you’re bleeding like a pig. Sorry but you really are. You must have big veins in these big…hands. »

Was she… Blushing?

« You tell me, you were the ones with your fingers inside me. »

She cleared her throat and refrained a smile. That came out so wrong, Ben thought.

« Why hand surgery? »  
« There is no big story behind it. They just asked us to pick a specialty and I was left with hands or guts. And I have no problem with blood and bones but puke and shit? No thank you. »  
« Spoke like a true doctor! »

She laughed and knotted the last stitch. She seemed to never be at a loss for words. Ben liked it. He liked her.

« I’m just going to clean you a little, you’re a mess. But then, you’re all set. »  
« What should I do next? Is there like a follow up? »  
« Call a nurse, make appointments. They’ll have to come everyday to change your bandage, clean the wound, make sure you’re not infected. I’m going to prescribe you some painkillers, you’re gonna need them to sleep at least. And, don’t move your hand. »

She cleaned the blood on his skin and wrapped his hand in a fresh new bandage.

« Usually the nurse would do this but tonight is a bit of a rush.»  
« Thank you. I like being in capable hands. »

She smiled again, trying to ignore his gaze all over her blushed cheeks. A minute later, the door opened wide and a face Ben knew very well appeared in the room.

« It is you! » The man said.  
« Poe?! »

Ben’s long time friend Poe Dameron was an emergency surgeon in this hospital. Even if he liked him a lot, now wasn’t the time to interrupt them while he was breaking the thick layers of ice around Dr. Johnson.

« I was on call tonight and I came across your name on the sheet at the nurse station. You okay buddy? »  
« Yeah, I just cut myself a little. »  
« A little? Johnson how much is he lying? »  
« A bit much. It's nothing serious but it's pretty deep. No real aftermath to anticipate, though. »  
« Good. I’m going to drive you home, Solo. »  
« No, it’s not necessary. »  
« Come on buddy. You think I’m gonna let you drive with that hand. I’ll come to work in a cab tomorrow. Is he good doctor? »  
« Yes, he’s all yours. »

She threw away her gloves, took her files back, only leaving him his prescription and headed to the door. Poe and Ben both looked at her walk out.

« Bye Rey… » Poe said with a dreamy look in his eyes.  
« Bye Poe. » She answered, giggling.

Rey. Ben looked at them thoughtfully and sighed, jumping on his feet.

« Careful Solo! We’re gonna take this slow. »  
« Poe it’s just my hand. »  
« You lost a lot of blood, it’s late, you’re probably famished. You want a burger? I’m gonna stop for a burger. Which burger do you want? »

That was why he didn’t want Poe to drive him home. The man had no shut down button. But he couldn’t stop wondering about the doctor. Maybe Poe and her weren’t involved after all.

« So… You’re dating that doctor? »  
« Oh I wish. She transferred from Oxford, UK, 6 months ago. Everybody loves her. »  
« And… Is she available? »  
« Oh, Benjamin is having a little crush on the pretty doctor, huh? » Poe joked while driving them through town.  
« Stop calling me that. » He mumbled.  
« Okay, Kylo Ren. » Poe threw with his darkest voice.  
« And that too! »

The doctor started laughing loudly. Gosh, he was such a pain in the ass. But Ben followed him despite the fact that he hated to be reminded of his teen years.

« I can’t believe you’re still pulling that. I was 16. »  
« Still. Asking everybody to stop calling you Ben because of that character in your stupid video game. I remember your mother looking so dumbstruck watching you with your taste for laser swords or whatever you kids call that these days. »  
« Well, at least I wasn’t jerking off to Kira. »  
« Yes you were! We all did! »

They both giggled like stupid teenagers while Poe stopped at the drive-in to order burgers and fries. On the road back to Ben’s house he resumed the previous conversation.

« I could ask her if it’s okay that I give you her number. »  
« You think? Nah, it’s stupid, she probably won’t like that. »  
« I know she’s pretty lonely. She moved from another country, she has no one besides the people at the hospital… And she doesn’t want to date any guy she works with. »  
« She looks… Tough. »  
« Yeah but, she’s cool. She’s a bit weird too, like you. Last week I ran into her in the locker room, she had this space shit logo you love on her t-shirt. It’ll work. »

****

It had been two short minutes since Rey had finally found a moment to take a break and she already knew it wasn’t gonna last long until someone would disturb her again. She was chewing on a candy bar, wishing she could get something fresh to eat for a change, when she heard them: the frat boys of the hospital. The on-call room was big enough for everyone to get his own corner but since she was a newbie here, the boys would take on any opportunity to talk to her, bother her.

They sat in front of the young surgeon and she tried to ignore them, her eyes focused on what she was reading. Wexley and Kin were both looking at her and giggling like two teenagers. She sighed, closed her magazine and looked at them.

« What? »  
« Hi, Rey. »  
« It’s Johnson for you, Wexley. »

The two doctors didn’t seem to be too upset about yet another rejection from the hand surgeon. She was used to them coming bold at her and she answered with an equally bold tone. But when will these boys get that she wasn’t interested? They weren’t her type and if she had to break her no-date policy, it wouldn’t be for those guys anyway.

« We heard you weren’t on call next Friday so, care to join us at a little party at Beaumont’s? »  
« And why would I do that? »  
« Because everybody’s going to be here! »

Rey made a snarky smile and stood up, arranging her white coat over her blue doctor outfit. If she couldn’t stay there without them annoying her, she might as well go check on her patients.

« Come on Rey! It’s gonna be fun. And I think we could learn a few things about each other, if you know what I mean. »

Wexley winked at her and bursted into the most stupid laughter she had ever heard. She crossed her arms while throwing:

« Oh yes, because I was waiting my whole life for your invite Wexley. I mean you’re so smart and sexy I’ve got to sit down because you make my knees weak. »

The laughters died out quickly but another chuckle echoed in the room. She hadn’t seen him, lied down on the couch in front of the TV. Poe Dameron, emergency surgeon and smartest ass in the hospital, jumped on his feet and joined them. He had this amazing curly mane of hair always well put together. Rey asked herself how he managed to look so good with so few sleeping hours.

« Why don’t you guys leave the nice doctor alone? »  
« Poe, she’s not gonna reject us forever. She’s going to yield at some point. »  
« That’s harassment Kin. Besides, I have another proposition to make her. »  
« I’m leaving. » Rey said, already packing her magazine in her bag.

Poe followed her in the hallway of the hospital, resigned to talk to her. And Rey didn’t try to walk faster because she knew Dameron wasn’t one of those guys. Sure, he had tried to hit on her but as soon as she didn’t respond, he had left her alone. He was kind to her, always helpful and even though he was a bit cocky sometimes, she had learned to like him.

« So, Johnson. You may recall that guy you treated last week. Ben Solo. »  
« Do you think I remember the name of all my patients? »  
« I know I remember some names… The ones belonging to patients I find attractive. »  
« Typical of you Dameron. » She said with a smile in her voice. « Why should I remember him? »  
« Because he’s into you. »  
« And what makes you think I’m into him too? I don’t even remember him. »  
« Tall, dark hair, pale skin, long nose, big hands, one of them was injured, puppy eyes that scream get me out of here? »

Rey shrugged so Poe wouldn’t see she knew exactly who he was referring to. She had not look for his name but she remembered him vividly. His beautiful, expressive eyes, his pink mouth, his thick fingers… They were magnificent. And Rey knew a lot about those.

« I don’t remember. » She shrugged again.  
« Okay so, in 6 months, I've learned how to read your face. And this, now, is not Dr. Johnson’s poker face. » Poe said with his cocky and victorious expression. He was such an observer. Rey hated him for it! « I said I’ll ask you if I can give him your number. »  
« For what? »  
« For a little dinner, and a little chat and a little luuuuv! »  
« I don’t date. »

It was true. Rey was too focused, too serious about her job, she barely had time to prepare something to eat at night. She usually crashed her couch with an extremely salty bowl of instant noodles, she knew was going to make her very sick someday. She had no time for a boyfriend… Especially not one who was her patient. It wouldn’t be right.

« Why?! You gotta do something when you’re not at the hospital. »  
« I do stuff! »  
« Like what? »  
« Like… Stuff. »  
« Okay, give me one good and real reason why I shouldn’t give him your number. »  
« Because I don’t want to! It’s a good enough reason. »

Poe blocked her from walking any further and crossed his arms with a smile. She knew he had something inside this very smart brain.

« Okay, fine. But just let me get this straight: he’s my oldest friend, he’s neat, he has a great job, he’s smart but also does things with his hands, he can cook, he doesn’t go out a lot which kind of seems like your thing and he’s not a weirdo. Well he is, but the likable one… who reads the same magazines as you do. »

They both looked at the cover of her anthropology magazine and she blushed a little. She wasn’t ashamed to be a nerd, but sometimes it would feel good to be with someone who gets her.

« So, I’m gonna leave you right there, with these informations and you know where to find me. »

She watched him walk away and chewed on her cheek. Maybe he had a point. That guy seemed cool, a bit over sensitive but she had found it very sweet to see such a big man having trouble controlling his feelings and pain. He looked soft and smart. But that didn’t change the fact that she had no time for him. She had three weeks of laundry late waiting in her shitty apartment, didn’t wax for two months at least, split ends in her hair and didn’t even remember how to put on mascara. This wasn’t a good timing for her to date, as dreamy as this Ben Solo seemed.

After two serious surgeries and a round on her patients, Rey decided to go to the ER and check if nobody needed her since she had no more duty on her to-do list that day. It was late, she was tired, her feet hurt like motherfuckers but she couldn’t think about going home now. She wasn’t ready be all alone yet.

« What are you doing here so late Johnson? »

It was Dameron again, reading a file and watching her from the corner of his eyes.

« Just checking if you need me. »  
« We don’t. You should get some rest you look… Beautiful as always, but you might need to close your eyes for more than 20 minutes. »  
« You can say it, I look like shit. »

Poe smiled while closing his patient’s curtain and paging an intern to come help him with another intubation.

« I have enough interns and doctors in my service tonight. You’re not useful. Go home, Rey. »

She sighed and nodded. She was no use here and she knew Poe would page her if they needed more staff during the night. But the surgeon seemed to catch on her distress look and added with a low voice:

« You know, I can give him your number and not tease you about this ever again. »  
« That’s not- »  
« I’m just sayin’, you might find it less difficult to go home if you had someone waiting for you there. »  
« Okay. Yes. Give him my number. » Rey surrendered.  
« He’s gonna be so excited! Don’t tell him I said that. Good night, Rey. »  
« Good night, dumbass. »

Rey left the ER with a smile blooming on the corner of her mouth. She wasn’t a strong romance believer. She knew having someone to love and to love you back wasn’t an obligation. But since she had no friends in this city, she should start somewhere. And two hours later, while she was staring at her industrial mac and cheese box spinning in the microwave, she heard her phone buzzing. An unknown number had sent her a text. Wow, this guy had not one minute to spare. She opened it, her brows knitted together, hoping it wasn’t a filthy booty call. She needed sex but she wanted to be attracted to the guy beforehand.

« Hi Rey, (is this okay if I call you Rey?) Ben here. I was your patient last week and Poe gave me your number. I hope you’re aware of this and he didn’t lie to me. If he did I’m so sorry. Against all odds, you made my trip to the hospital a pleasant one and as much as you enjoyed hurting me, I’d really like to see you again. You have my number now, so I guess it’s up to you. Have a nice night. Ben. »

Rey didn’t realize it at first, but she had a full smile from one ear to the other while reading his text. It was clumsy, nice, very polite, cheeky… He also seemed to be a bit reserved and she could tell by reading his neat words that it probably took a lot of effort to him to send her a text. She sat on the couch with her pastas and started swallowing them directly from the plastic cup. Rey wasn’t good at flirting. She knew how to get laid quickly but had no clue on how she should act with a guy she actually liked. Not saying that she liked Ben, she didn’t know him. But he seemed charming. And he had nice hands.

Licking the cheese sauce on the fork, she thought about his hands again. They were broad with thick fingers and his skin was kind of dry. He said he used to fix furnitures right? It was probably the wood work that made them so rough. A strong chill shook her whole body and she felt her nipples hardening at the thought of those large palms on raw material. Maybe she needed sex more than she thought. And texting never hurt anybody, right?

« Hi, Ben. Poe didn’t lie to you. How’s your hand? »

Here it was: simple, not too intrusive since she was the one who treated him and it would be a good topic to talk about. She didn’t wait long for an answer because he started typing right away.

« My hand is kinda awful but the nurse said it was normal. It hurts though. But you’re not working I don’t wanna bother you with this. »  
« It’s okay. I like to know I did a good job. Maybe you could show me? »  
« I’m not a flirt expert but I’m pretty sure sending you pictures of my swollen purple bloody hand is not on the list of right moves to seduce a woman. »  
« I’m a surgeon. You would be surprised what turns me on. »

Rey really sucked at this game but so did he. At least he was clear about his intentions. Rey knew deep down she needed someone to blow off steam. So she typed quickly:

« I gotta tell you: I don’t date. I don’t plan on dating. »  
« Oh. I see. That’s fine. Better say it now. »  
« That doesn’t mean I don’t want to see you again. »  
« Oh? »  
« ;) »

The young surgeon looked at her phone, hoping Ben would understand what it meant. Men can be pretty dumb, right?

« Does it mean what I think it means? »  
« What do you think it means? »  
« Gosh, I don’t want to say something wrong now and be the perv you texted once! »

Rey giggled. Some guys she’d met in the past wouldn’t mind being the perv she texted once, but he seemed to choose his words carefully. She liked how reserved he was. Ben was probably good in bed. At least, that was Rey’s analysis on men. The few she had dated proved to her that the more you brag the less you get things done. And Ben, with his broad shoulders, plump mouth, big hands and his nerdy puppy eyes was probably a beast. Rey’s kind of beast.

« Whatever you think this is about: you’re right. »  
« Okay. I’m glad, then. But I gotta say something, though. »  
« Mh? »  
« Since the whole saw accident I’m kinda… diminished? »  
« You have another hand, a mouth and a valid penis, haven’t you? »  
« Yes I guess. »  
« Don’t worry Ben. We’ll talk about this over dinner. Friday at 8 at your place. Sounds good to you? »  
« Sure. I’ll text you the address. »

Rey stretched her limbs and yawned. She was bossy but Ben opposed no resistance to her. He didn’t in the OR, and he kind of looked like a boy who needed guidance. He was a whole mystery. She’ll have to ask Poe about him, even if it killed her to admit she was excited about seeing Ben again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here we are! I hope you enjoyed this little introduction, I'm excited for what is coming next (lots of smut for you guys, and some angsty fights but don't worry our kids will be okay in the end). This gut-wrenching experience Ben just lived is exactly what happened to me 2 years ago, (besides that Rey wasn't my knight in shiny white scrub). Just so you know, I have nothing against the medical staff, I'm just well-aware that working in a hospital is hard and sometimes dehumanizing due to the level of stress and the amount of work they're getting.  
> I should update this fic twice a week so bear with me!  
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/adamdrivwhore) too!


	2. Caught up in action

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey first date doesn't turn into what they had planned in the first place. Luckily, they soon get another occasion to correct the shot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there!
> 
> I hope you guys are doing well. My country is going on confinement tomorrow, so I hope to bring you guys a little bit of joy with a new chapter. I had a lot of fun describing Ben as soft and a little insecure. But you still got a lot to see from him. As for Rey, she's confident and a great sex guide but she'll probably need a little help for something else...
> 
> xx

While the vegetables were still cooking in the oven, Ben started to prepare the steaks. With one hand, everything was taking way more time than usual. He was a fine cook but his right hand hurt so bad and he just wasn’t so good with a knife in his left hand. He had chosen to do something pretty simple which didn’t require too much knife-skills: roasted vegetables with herbs and a piece of meat he’ll cook later with butter and seasoning. What if she was vegetarian? Ben exhaled anxiously thinking he probably had some eggs to throw in the pan if that was the case..

His house was clean, as always, and he had dressed a nice table on the little wooden terrace by the bay window. He knew Rey was coming for something else than a romantic dinner but he was a gentleman and she was a lady. She deserved to be treated as such. The candles were now lit and he looked at the whole place with a feeling of satisfaction. The air was warm and he loved the view from the terrace: a nice garden with wildflowers and an old swing hung under the oak in the back. It was an old house and ivy branches were climbing its walls, giving the building a charming look.

The night had fallen, it was a quiet neighborhood so when she parked outside, he heard her right away. He tried not to run to the door and waited until she knocked to open. She looked perfect in her spaghetti strap top and tight jeans, her hair in the same tight bun and her pretty face smiling at him. He let her in, took her bag and gave her a little tour of the place. She stopped, a bit stunned by the dinner table outside the bay window.

« Wow Ben. I didn’t expect that. I’m not properly dress for a fancy date. »  
« I figured you would come right after work so I thought… A great warm dinner was mandatory. »  
« It smells terrific. Really, you didn’t have to do all that for me. Also with your hand… »  
« Let’s not talk about this. Sit! I have wine! »  
« Oh, yes please! I’m not working tomorrow, give to me as much as you have! »

Ben popped the cork out and poured two glasses of the burgundy drink. They cheered and sipped in silence. The candlelight made Rey look surreal now that the sun had disappeared behind the trees. A gentle Summer breeze caressed their skin and made her hair dance around her face. Ben had trouble believing a woman such as Rey was on his porch.

« So… Poe told me you were a teacher? »  
« Professor… »  
« Oh yeah. You also said it when we met too, right? I’m sorry I have trouble remembering all of this. I meet so many people everyday. »  
« That’s fine. I teach History. »  
« I see… The books. »

That was true, Ben had lots of books. In the living room, in his office, in his bedroom…

« They’re all for work? »  
« Most of them but I’m kind of a nerd. When I come across something that I like I have to… know everything there is to know. So, books. »  
« I like it. You don’t get everything from the internet. I can dig that. »

She smiled and Ben remembered he had bet she had a marvelous smile. And he was right. It was a toothy, joyful and warm one. After he cooked the meat right how she wanted it, they ate dinner, chatting happily about their respective lives. When the air got chilly, they ended on the couch facing each other, Rey’s legs folded between them and feeding him grapes. She was not leaving Ben’s sight. He was bewitched by her voice, the way her head was leaning a bit toward him and the soft swell of her breasts. She was so funny and smart, incredibly hot too in her little top which she seemed to wear without a bra. She didn’t stop teasing him and he loved that.

But Ben was restraining himself to yawn more often than he would like to admit it. Between work, his hand giving him a hard time and the pills he was taking to numb the pain, his body was making very clear that he needed to jump in his bed very quickly. And with Rey still there, getting closer and closer, it was not a good sign. _She’s a doctor, she’ll understand_ , he thought. But damn! Why now? However, it wasn’t like he’d be very useful. His arm was painful again, he couldn’t even lift it… Having sex to that incredible woman tonight was not an option except if he wanted to make sure he’ll never see her again.

« Ben? Are you okay? You look feverish. » She tilted her head with a worried look.  
« Yeah… I’m just… tired, I guess. »  
« It’s your hand, right? »  
« Maybe. Rey, I’m sorry… »  
« Hey, that’s fine. I probably overestimated the whole situation. »  
« Oh… »  
« Oh no! I mean, not you and I” She protested. “I tend to be a bit rough when it comes to health. I see these stuff all day, it kinda numbs you from the reality. I should go. »  
« I’m… bummed. »

She smiled and took his valid hand. Her cold skin contrasted with his boiling one. He liked that she was so different from him. But she was right, he had fever.

« Ben, you’re burning. Let me see your hand. »  
« It’s okay, the nurse is coming tomorrow. » He took his hand back, embarrassed.  
« Yeah and you’ll probably have a blood infection during the night. Come with me in the kitchen, I need the light. »

So there he was, seated at his kitchen table, Rey gently taking the bandage off. She was so much softer than in the hospital, carefully looking at the ugly stitches. It was messy with dried blood around the threads, blue and green bruises and still very swollen.

« It looks like you have a minor infection. Do you have a pharmacy kit? »  
« Yeah, upstairs in the bathroom, top drawer. »

When she came back, Rey had a big smile on her face. She washed her hands and started cleaning the wound. Ben could feel his heart beating in his heavy and sensitive hand. If only something else had had the courtesy of being awake too, Rey would be taking care of another part of his body right now.

« I’m surprised, you have everything I need. Most people don’t even have a band-aid. »  
« I like to know I have everything I need. »  
« Mh… It’s great. I like a man prepared. How does it feel? »  
« It’s sensitive, I don’t like it when you touch it. »  
« I hope you won’t say that about something else I’ll touch soon. » She giggled and Ben choked a bit on his saliva.

Rey didn’t seem afraid of her sexuality. But for Ben, it was completely different.

« Hm… It’s also… Itchy. »  
« That’s a good sign. It means it’s healing. I’ve seen antibiotics in your cabinet. You’ll take them, twice a day before your meal. Start with this one. »

She put the pill directly in his mouth, watched him drink his water with a smile and packed everything in the iron box.

« I’m sorry that was not really the date you expected. »  
« You’re kidding? You cooked me steak with candles, you made me laugh and I got to see a very messy wound. Best night of my life! »

He watched her giggle and laughed too. She was unapologetic and sweet at the same time. He wanted to kiss her so bad but then he’ll have to say goodbye and sleep frustrated. And maybe she didn’t want to see him again and be his nurse. He had ruined it.

« You should go to sleep. I’ll check on you tomorrow. »  
« Okay. Thanks… »  
« Thank you for tonight. » She added with a smile.

Before he could say something else, she kissed him on the cheek, right at the corner of his lips and grabbed her bag. She left him in the kitchen, smiling like an idiot. In his bed, unable to sleep, Ben ignored all the dating rules Poe had tried to teach him and sent her a text:

“Hi. Thanks again for tonight. I wish I could have fulfilled whatever you had in mind.”  
“ I’m glad you couldn’t. The longer you wait…”

_Was that an eggplant?_

“Besides, I like talking to you.” She sent again.  
"Oh?"  
"Don’t get too excited. I still don’t date. And sleep for god’s sake."

He grinned for himself after she responded to his heart-eyes emoji to a heart-kiss one. For the first time in forever, he was in this very deep.

****

Rey had just spent three horrible days at the hospital. Maybe it was the beginning of Summer coming but the entire population of Boston had decided to get in trouble this week. She had countless cases of knives and other sharp tools stuck into hands, fingers cut off, dislocated thumbs… Seriously, what was wrong with the world?

She had just got in the locker room to change and finally go home when Dameron appeared, looking at his phone. He was whistling to himself, his headphones plugged into is ears and Rey sighed and shook her head. How could he be always so happy about everything and run the ER of one of the busiest cities in America? Before she could escape unnoticed, Poe took off his headphones and smiled.

« Johnson! I was just talking to my mate, Ben. »  
« So? »  
« I heard you guys had a great night. »  
« Even if that was the case, you’d be the last person to know. »  
« Oh come on! Can’t you be a little nice to me for once? I set you guys up. You should say thank you. Besides, I already know everything because Ben is a chatty one. »  
« Oh yeah? Well, that is exactly why I don’t date and why I won’t see your friend anymore, then. »

She was ready to leave the hospital still wearing her working clothes when Poe grabbed her arm.

« Hey, it was a joke. Ben never tells me shit. I was just teasing you to see your reactions. »  
« And what did you see then? »  
« That you got mad and it’s probably because it means something to you. »

Rey shook her head again, rolling her eyes. But deep down, she was relieved Ben wasn’t the type to brag about girls. It was sweet and reassuring.

« Listen, Ben made the first move but he probably won’t do that every time since he’s such a dummy with girls. So if you like him, which I hope is the case, just call him. I know he likes you because he almost punched me when I asked but with his left hand he just hurt himself again. »

Poe left with his sandwich and his headphones back on his head, laughing and scampering his way out. The hand surgeon couldn’t refrain a giggle. It was funny to notice how Ben could seem like a socially awkward guy to men and be the perfect dreamy boy to women. His wit and kindness had melted Rey’s heart and his amazing body had started to do something in the lower part of her body too. She didn’t need more to dial his number once in her car on the way home. Her phone connected to the radio, his voice filled the binnacle. The deep sound warmed her belly in an unexpected way.

« Hi, Rey. »  
« Oh, you knew it was me? »  
« Yes, I can see your name when you call. »  
« Oh… True, I’m sorry stupid question. » Damn, woman?! « I was just checking on you, I hope it’s not a bad time? »  
« No I just finished my last class of the day. I’m a bit tired but I got to go to the hairdresser now. »  
« Oh? What for? I like your hair like that. »  
« Ah, you do? »

She could already see his shy smile. Ben wasn’t like those people who couldn’t take a compliment but she noticed his eyes wandering around, avoiding contact and his cheeks blushing of embarrassment. He probably didn’t realize how handsome he was.

« Yes, I like a man with long hair. »  
« I’m not gonna cut my hair anyway but hm… thanks. »  
« You’re not? So what? You’re secretly a ginger and you have a roots appointment? »  
« Dear God, no. I would look so stupid with red hair. I just want them to wash me. »  
« What? »

Maybe she had heard this wrong. Did he say he wanted them to wash him?

« Yeah hm… since I injured myself, I can’t properly wash my hair so I made appointments to the hairdresser, twice a week. »  
« Oh… I guess it makes sense. »  
« I can hear you laughing, Rey. »  
« I’m sorry it’s just… »  
« I tried, okay? I put my hand in those Mapa gloves. The pink ones. But I just can’t wash it properly. »

Rey couldn’t stop laughing, picturing this big man wearing a pink rubber glove to shower. It was just too funny. She dried her cheeks and heard his sweet and goofy laughter too.

« Okay, I’m not gonna make fun of you anymore, I promise. But cancel your appointment. »  
« Why? I can’t, it fits my shampoo schedule. »  
« Ben, I’m driving you can’t make me laugh like this, I’m gonna end up in the ER! I’ll wash your hair. »  
« What? »  
« I’ll wash you hair. » She reiterated.

She knew she had made him nervous but if Poe Dameron was right, he just needed a little push.

« Are you seriously offering to wash my dirty hair? »  
« Yes. Last time I went upstairs, I saw you had a bathtub, it’s gonna be easy. »  
« Hm… I don’t… Okay? »  
« Great. I’ll be there at 7. And I’ll bring food. Okay? »  
« I guess. »

When he let her in that night, Ben was looking really uncomfortable. She put the bags of food in the kitchen and made herself at home now that she knew the place a little more. She had gone to her apartment, changed for a more comfortable and pretty outfit. She’d even let her hair down this time. Maybe Ben liked it. And this time, Rey wanted him to know that she was interested in this sexual tension that they had. She didn’t want a friend, she wanted to get laid by this big, smart and hot professor.

« Your hair doesn’t look greasy. »  
« Hm… Is it a compliment? »  
« Ben, whatever you thought about the cliché of the perfect woman being all about pretty stuff, staying glamorous until at least the 20th date… Just forget about it with me. I’m spending my days with puke, blood and other fluids I won’t talk about if I don’t want you to run away. Your hair looks good. »  
« You’re… weird. »

She laughed and stepped closer to him. He smelled great. A mix of coffee, wood… and old pages. He had chalk on his fingers and a little hole in his knit sweater. She brushed his cheek with the back of her hand and looked for permission in his eyes. He bent a little and kissed her softly. It wasn’t light, it wasn’t heavy. The kiss was just the right amount of pressure on her lips making her want more but not knowing if that was okay if she started to eat his face. But he was so… yummy.

She decided she’ll have more of him and he didn’t back off. It felt good and right to be so close to him. He wasn’t rushing anything but she knew he desired her as much as she wanted him when his heart started beating faster in his chest, so close to hers. Rey had no trouble with being physically close to men. She was just uncomfortable with the intimacy that could come with it. Luckily - _according to her_ \- she had never met a partner interested in more than just her body. Unlike that Ben who seemed to never have enough of her stories. She tried not to think too much about it, after all: her intentions had always been very clear. She parted from him and smiled.

« I’m gonna prepare your bath, Sir. »

He watched her go upstairs, a bit clueless. If Ben was the shy type, Rey loved getting compliments. And the way he was looking at her was more eloquent than words. She landed in the bathroom and started prepping. It was an old house. The wooden floor was squeaky, the bathroom was neat, new but Ben seemed to like vintage home decor. Even with modern white tiles and a marble worktop, he had kept an old bathtub with its vintage tap and feet. She really loved how the ensemble looked. The young doctor had never been great with decoration but she had to admit Ben was a man with great tastes. Rey reached for the soap and prepared a bubbly bath for her lovely patient.

She heard him coming behind her. He had removed his shoes and was looking at her, his arms crossed on his chest, his injured hand carefully placed on top. Rey was hoping it wasn’t too much for him but he looked amused by the whole situation. Now that the tank was half filled, she walked to him with a smile and kissed his lips again. His mouth parted in surprise but Rey thought she would not grow tired of those sweet lips anytime soon. While nipping at his mouth, she grabbed the hem of his sweater and pulled it up. He let her do it in silence, chills covering his milky skin.

Rey bit her lip while taking a long look at his chest. She thought about how many of his students were spending their history class lurking on their sexy professor. He was firm, sculpted like a greek statue and probably worked out a lot to look like this. It seemed like the awkward nerd Dameron was describing grew up to be Rey’s biggest fantasy. Her mouth now in his neck, she undid his pants, slowly pulling the zipper down.

« It’s great because… hm with only one hand…I’m struggling with… »  
« Hm… That’s why I did it for you. »

She chuckled against his mouth. He was so shy, all of a sudden. She kneeled next to the bathtub and said:

« You can do the rest by yourself, I won’t look. »

Rey heard him sigh in relief. He acted like he wasn’t used to be treated like the subject of a woman’s lust, she could feel it. It made all of this even more exciting. She closed her eyes and waited for him to be fully immersed in the bubbly water to open them again.

« Is the temperature okay? »  
« It’s perfect, thanks. »

She moved right behind his head, kneeling on a thick towel she had placed there to not hurt herself, grabbed a bath sponge and plunged in the hot water.

« I feel a bit… awkward doing this, Rey. » He whispered.  
« I can see that. Just relax. We’re just hanging in the bathroom. »  
« I’m naked. » He let out as if she had not noticed.  
« I’m very aware of that. It’s hot. »  
« It is? »

She laughed and pushed gently on his head so he’d immerse underwater. When he lifted himself up again, she could see his ears peeking through the wet locks. _Adorable_ , she thought. She poured shampoo in her hands and massaged his skull. Chills started to cover his wet skin and a grunt escaped his mouth. She loved when people did that to her and she wanted it to be as good for Ben as it was for her. It was nice to take care of him. Everything in Rey wanted to get closer to him, hear his voice, kiss his mouth, know his thoughts. She was trying not to think too much about this. She had not slept with the guy yet and she was already blushing at the thought of getting naked with him. Damn you Poe Dameron and your stupid ideas.

« You’re okay? You’re not saying anything. » He asked, a bit worried.  
« Yeah I’m sorry. You have so much hair. It’s pretty. »  
« Thank you. Your hair is pretty too. You’re pretty. »

She giggled and kissed the spot right under his ear. He seemed to like it because he shivered a little and she could see his nipple hardening a bit. Now that his hair was well-cleaned, she helped him rinse it and the water dripping from his lengths washed his back and face too. His shiny pale skin looked like some heavy cream Rey wanted to lick so hard. She had an idea. She grabbed the soap and started to lather it on his chest.

« I thought you were just going to wash my hair. »  
« Now that you’re in there, it would be silly not to get you all cleaned up… everywhere. »

By saying so, Rey’s hand had travelled to his pectorals, massaging them gently, feeling the flesh bud hardening more under her palms. His abs were tensed, his breath locked in his throat and she wondered if the part beneath the foam was as hard as she thought it should be now. One of her hand glided underwater and found his lower belly. Her name escaped his mouth and echoed in the steamy room. She didn’t want him to get the time to process this too fast or she’d lose him. She turned his chin to her, interrogating him wordlessly, her hand still on his boiling groin and feeling his soft hairs between her fingers. He articulated a shy “yes” and she smiled, getting hold of his cock, already so hard for her.

He choked his moan in a kiss. Her hand was exploring his body, blinded by the white bubbles at the surface but it was making it even more exciting. She could feel heat coming out of him, even hotter than the water of the bath. His flesh, hardened by desire, was reacting to every stroke she gave him. He had his eyes nailed in hers, not leaving her face for one second. She didn’t know what he liked but against all odds, Ben was an effusive man when it came to sex. His breath, shortening, deepening, choking in his throat was very telling. He seemed to particularly love when she tightened her grip on the tip of his cock, her thumb brushing the slit. One of his knees emerged from the water as he shifted a bit, spreading one of his legs. He was close, she could feel it and it made her wet and trembling. Having her hand around him, she could feel how big he was and the thought of being this full overwhelmed her entire being.

Waves started to crush the tank walls, water flooding outside of the tub and in her panties but they couldn’t care less. He was so hot, redness spread on his face and chest as he was begging her to go on, to press harder and faster. Rey was hypnotized by him, how he looked, sounded and smelled when he was so close to come. The bubbles had disappeared and his cock was now proudly peeking out of the water. Rey clenched her thighs hard at the sight of his naked body. She already had her teeth sank in the mellow of his shoulder, her hand shaking while cupping his tight balls.

« Ben… Oh fuck… »

With his valid arm, Ben pulled her. The idea that with the strength of one arm, he could easily break her made it very hard for Rey to resist him. She clumsily fell into the tub, fully clothed but in a serious urge of having his dick inside her. She tried to help him take her leggings off, but due to its wetness, the stupid fabric was glued to her skin. Out of nowhere, Ben’s strong hand ripped her pants and panties apart with two mighty pulls and his palm came directly on her folds. She started to moan, scream and move her hips against him. It was so raw, needy and good, it had not felt like this in months or ever. They had no time to prep her and besides, she didn’t need more of it.

Her cunt was swollen and throbbing, she just wanted him inside. She lifted herself a little and sat on him, swallowing him entirely without a word. For a few second, the bathroom became silent again. Her mouth was wide open, he was biting his lip, his brows knitted together. He was so big, filling her entirely, stretching her walls in a delicious pain. She finally released a relief grunt and started moving, her sight blurred by the new sensation. She could see he didn’t know how to help and didn’t want her to get hurt. But right now, the only thing that mattered was the delirious friction between her legs. His valid hand was now covering one of her tits, cupping and pressing it gently. She loved how big it was, how easily it covered her entire breast, even above her clothes.

Massaged by the water and the rub of his pelvic bone, her clit was the center of Rey’s body. She could feel the blood flooding directly from her heart to the little bud. Ben was not in a better shape. He had totally lost control of himself and was biting the only sane part of his wounded hand: his thumb. Rey had this very primitive wish to feel him come inside of her. She wanted to feel the warm gush between her legs so she clenched harder, her fingers torturing his pink nipples, rolling them as he cried for delivery.

« I’m gonna come…Rey… »

Buried between her legs, Ben’s body arched and stiffened for a few seconds, his mouth wide open, an animal grunt coming out of his throat. He was looking at her the whole time and the sight of him, completely lost in his pleasure, shot Rey right where their limbs joined. She cried, called his name and fell back on his chest, not sure of what had just happened.

Rey’s uneven breath started to calm down as she was still resting on Ben. She could feel him softening between her thighs, but the warmth between them made her stay a little longer. When she finally lifted herself, she found the same little boy’s eyes she liked so much. But this time, he had red lips and a little bit of blood on the corner of his mouth. Did she bite him?

« Mh… My bandage is all wet. » They both laughed a little and kissed lazily while the water ran lukewarm.

They were now seated at his kitchen table, she was examining the stitches on his hand after removing his damp bandage. Rey could feel his gaze on her. She was wearing a hoodie of his since her clothes were soaking wet and her leggings completely ripped off. The sweatshirt was so large it looked like a dress on her but she felt cute. He had also landed her a pair of knitted socks which went up to her knees. His hand was still swollen but it looked so much better. The slit was clean, the bruises had started to fade a bit. He still couldn’t move his fingers but nothing was abnormal.

Rey cleaned the wound, put some healing cream and let it sit for a minute. She looked at his valid hand and took it in hers. It was so big and good. He had two thick veins on the back, large nails, a chubby palm… It really looked like a paw. Warmth started to pool inside her and she had to close her eyes for a second. She could study his beary-hand for hours, bending his fingers, biting them even. He seemed to find that amusing because she saw him grin.

« What? I just love hands. Yours are special. » She admitted.  
« Really? »  
« Yes. They’re big. »  
« You like big hands? »  
« I like big stuff. I like your stuff. » She pressed her lips, waiting for his reaction.  
« My… okay. I like your… little stuff too. That came out wrong. »

She bursted into laughter when his whole face turned red.

« I’m not good at this. »  
« That’s okay Ben. I have small breasts. »  
« I like small breasts. And your small hands, your small waist and hm…” he lowered his voice as if somebody could hear them. « I should probably don’t say that. »  
« I like it when you talk dirty, though. »

They both melted into each other’s lips. She wasn’t getting enough of him. But when, after they had shared spring rolls and fried rice, he asked her if she wanted to stay the night. Like after a cold shower, she woke up from her trance and told him it was probably better if she headed home. She kissed him one last time at the door but he caught her before she got in her car.

« Is it something I said or did? »  
« No, why would you think there’s a problem? » _Don’t look at me with those eyes_ , she thought.  
« I don’t know. Everything was fine and then you just decided to leave. »  
« I don’t date, Ben. I told you. We fucked, it was good. But I don’t do the whole sleepover, breakfast stuff. »  
« Okay. But, I hope you realize you’re gonna miss my waffles… And they’re great. » He tried to joke.  
« I’m sure you can find a nice girl to make waffle to. But I’m not that kind. »  
« Will I ever see you now that I scared you with my waffles? »  
« It depends. Are you ready for this without the gooey and cheesy part? »

Rey could see he was kind of disappointed that she was setting rules already. But she hoped he would say yes because she didn’t have enough of his handsome body. He kissed her slowly, pinning her on the side of the car. He was so heavy against her it felt good, safe... she had to quickly get out of here.

On her way home she thought that maybe he was making a point. Nobody had ever awakened something like that in her. It was messy, hot, urgent. She wanted to be close to him, to talk to him, to make him scream her name. It didn’t make sense because even if she liked him as a person, she had never felt the need to know her lovers that much. In fact, as soon as they had sex, she would slowly lose interest in them. She was being a bitch but nobody ever blamed a guy for that behavior. Now, wrapped in his large and warm sweatshirt, she just wanted to bury her nose in the hood to smell his cologne or even his laundry powder. Rey couldn’t help but picture more of them doing stuff. In a warm bed. Not that the bathtub wasn’t one of her horniest experience ever, but she wanted to appreciate him fully. And with two valid hands, if possible. She had to teach him to have fun without the typical dating behavior she hated. Or was too afraid to admit she wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think of their dynamic?  
> Thank you for reading this chapter, I hope you'll like this story


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben knows he can convince Rey she has a right to happiness. But she doesn't seem to be so sure about that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there!
> 
> I hope everybody is doing fine, that you're all safe in the confinement of your homes or doing the best you can at work to stay healthy if you have to go. Here's a little bit of joy in those troubled times!

Ben had thought about what Rey had told him for hours now. It had been two days since she had come to his place and they had exchanged a few texts, comforting Ben in his thoughts: he really liked her. Not just because she was super hot and totally out of his league, but also because she was funny, smart and she had a whole lot to teach him. They had chemistry, common interests and stuff to learn from each other. He could already feel himself growing thanks to her.

The fact that she wasn’t ready to date didn’t upset him. He was going to play her game as long as it didn’t hurt him and in the end, if she still didn’t want him, maybe he would realize she wasn’t made for him too. He’d met her for a reason, that he was convinced. And as disappointed as he was, he knew he couldn’t force her hand. He just had to prove her having a relationship wasn’t a bad thing. Something in his head kept telling him that Rey needed time to adjust to things and he was ready to give her this time. Just the way she was adjusting herself to his awkwardness.

He texted her in the afternoon, asking if she was okay and if she was planning something for tonight. She didn’t answer but called him later, when he was already home.

« Hey you. I’m sorry I couldn’t text you back earlier, things got a little complicated at the hospital. »  
« That’s okay… Where are you? I can hear music. »  
« Oh, I’m in a mall. Emergency shopping. »  
« You have a birthday present to buy at the last minute or something? »  
« No, it’s a personal emergency. »  
« You’re okay? »

Ben heard her laugh a little. She sounded… embarrassed?

« Yes, don’t worry. »  
« Rey? »  
« I can’t tell you, it’s stupid. You’re gonna laugh at me. »  
« You washed my hair because I can’t do it. »  
« Okay, well… I’m buying underwear because I don’t have clean ones. »  
« …Did your laundry machine break? »  
« No… I just don’t have a machine and no time or motivation to go to the laundromat. »

This time, it was Ben’s turn to laugh. He didn’t expect that from her, or from anyone. He had not imagine clean and neat surgeon Rey to be a little slob. And against all odds, it just added another point to the pile of things he found adorable with Rey.

« I tell you what: you bring your clothes to my place and we wash them together. »  
« You want to wash my panties? »  
« All of them. »

Ben heard her giggle a little. He could tell she was about to surrender. All he had to do was to show her it wasn’t a boyfriend/girlfriend situation.

« I’m just helping you out like you did for my hair. Plus, I could really use another bath. »  
« Okay, I’m just gonna pick my stuff home and I’ll be there in an hour. »

When she arrived, Ben had not estimated the amount of clothes she would bring. She had 3 huge bags and a shy smile on her face. _Good_ , he thought. _This way she’ll stay longer_.

« Maybe I should do it. » She said, a bit embarrassed and already hiding her panties.  
« I don’t mind. »  
« Ben, you’re not gonna touch my dirty underwear! »  
« Okay, you’ll do the underwear, I’ll do the rest. »  
« Deal. »

Ben started to sort the clothes according to their colors and fabric and Rey stopped doing her duty to watch him, surprised and marveled.

« What are you doing? »  
« I’m sorting them. You don’t want to mix them and end up with a shrunken sweater or pink socks. »  
« Oh my God, you’re too neat for me. Just put everything in the machine. »  
« But- »  
« Just do it! »

She helped him stuff the clothes in the drum, shoving quickly her underwear as if she was embarrassed he’d see them. He noticed she wasn’t the lacy and silk type. But those sporty bras looked just like her.

« No peaking, Ben! »  
« Sorry. I don’t want to be a perv. »  
« That’s fair game. I jumped on the first occasion to give you a hand job last time. »

She had that smile he knew would start something kinky. He programmed the first machine and looked at her. She seemed tired and probably needed some sleep more than some action that night. But he couldn’t tell her that otherwise she’ll know he wanted to take care of her and not just fuck her, like she wanted. They were both playing the same game: her, helping him to stop being so uptight, him, teaching her about intimacy. 

« Maybe this time you could take the bath with me. » He suggested while pretending to read the label on the laundry powder box.  
« I like when you’re leading the way. »

She smiled and started stripping, walking away from him to the bathroom upstairs, leaving a trail with her clothes. Ben followed her, completely hypnotized by her skin revealing itself until there was nothing else than a tiny grey cotton thong around her hips. When he finally arrived in the bathroom, she was preparing the tub, pouring soap in the hot water and smiling at him. He would lie if he said his dick had not automatically reacted to her little show downstairs.

It was the first time he was really seeing her undressed. That night in the bath was a bit blurry since they were in such a hurry and she didn’t even took the time to take her clothes off. Now, he could fully admire the perky mound of her breasts, her strong thighs, long legs, flat tummy and narrow waist. Rey was much more muscular than he thought and it made his stomach heavier than ever.

« You need help? » She asked with that same smile.

His voice was stuck in his throat and she seemed to love the effect she had on him. Rey unzipped his fly and pulled down his pants and boxer briefs together. He was a little ashamed that his body had reacted so quickly to the sight of her, but she smiled even more when his dick met his stomach.

« Hi, big boy. »

His jaw clenched and he had to restrain himself real bad to not eat her face right now. She helped him get rid of his sweater too and her hands landed on his chest. They looked so small compared to the size of his pecs. She smiled and tiptoed to reach his lips and kiss him. It was soft at first, easing the way for her tongue to dance with his. He allowed himself to hug her and pull her body closer. When the tips of her tits touched him and his cock was finally caged between them, he grunted in her mouth. She laughed a little and looked at him.

« You really like what you’re seeing? » Her voice was lower now.  
« Are you for real, Rey? »  
« I don’t know… »

He kissed her again and took off her thong, feeling the heat between her legs rising. She deserved to be admired and loved and that was the only thing Ben could think about right now. He wanted her to feel like the most beautiful and deserving creature on Earth. Boosted by his sudden realization that Rey might not be as confident as she wanted to show the world, he bent a little to lift her with one arm under her butt. She screamed in surprise and started laughing, a pure and honest laughter only children would make.

« Ben, what are you doing? Your hand! »  
« My hand is right here. Don’t move! »

He carefully landed her in the tub and told her to sit so he could do the same between her legs.

« You’re so tall. And large. » She said, once he rested his head on her chest.  
« Am I hurting you? »  
« No, it feels good like this. And I can wash your hair, and touch you like last time. »  
« We don’t have to do this. »  
« You don’t want to? » She sounded suspicious and a bit embarrassed too.  
« Yes I want to. But you look tired. It’s okay if we just bathe. »

She didn’t answer but clenched her thighs around him. He took that as a thank you and flew her hand to his face to kiss it. They could only hear the sound of water moving around them and the delicious creak of bubbles popping. She grabbed the hose and started to wash Ben’s hair, carefully avoiding to put shampoo in his eyes. She took the time to scrub his back too, kissing him there and there. Being with her was so good, he couldn’t believe she didn’t want this to be a real thing. He was still hard, but he knew that having Rey as a girlfriend would result in being hard 24/7. And he was ready for that, especially when he could feel his heart being so full every time her lips landed on his skin.

She rinsed him and pulled him closer to her again. This time, he lifted her leg and started to lather soap on her. She laughed when he washed her foot and kissed her knee, making her wriggle a little. Her chortle shifted into a a shy moan when he kept doing it, his back brushing her center and probably awakening her arousal. She wasn’t saying anything but he suddenly felt too big and too clumsy to do anything in the tub.

« Rey, I- »  
« It’s okay. I feel like you’re not in the mood for this. »  
« I’m always in the mood for this if you’re involved. » He retorted, kissing her palm. « It’s just… I really don’t think last time was comfortable for either of us. »  
« I still have bruises on my knees… But… I have to admit, I had not been this aroused in months. »  
« Really? » This, he had trouble believing.  
« I think you don’t realize how hot you are and how much I want to do stuff to you. »

Ben wanted to do stuff to Rey too. The way she had no problem admitting she was attracted to him was a wonder to hear. But he had never been the kinky type. He wasn’t even sure he was good in bed. This situation put a lot of pressure on him. But Rey wouldn’t come visit him if he said that. She wanted a fun fuck buddy to spend time with, not to play the nurse/girlfriend. She seemed to realize his sudden discomfort because she added:

« But we don’t have to go crazy, you know? »  
« I just feel like you’re having these thoughts about me and I won’t be able to give you what you want. »  
« Ben, I’m not expecting anything from you. We’re just having fun. Don’t pressure yourself. Besides, it was really good last time. »  
« I didn’t do anything. »  
« You don’t necessarily need to do anything to turn me on. It’s the way you are with me. »  
« I really want to turn around and kiss you but this tank is too small. »

They finally chuckled and she rinse them both before they wrapped themselves in one spongy towel. Her little, wet body coiled against his kept him hard and hot. He wanted to touch her, show her he could pleasure her, but his hand and his sudden cowardice were blocking the way.

« Ben? Maybe we could go to your room? »

He nodded and wrapped her in the towel, bending to catch her and hold her on his shoulder in a fireman hold. She started screaming and laughing, probably surprised by his strength.

« Put me down! Ben! Oh my God! »

As he was playing with her, he felt a brutal sting on his butt. She had bitten one of his buttocks!

« Ouch! Rey! »

He laid her down on the bed, fully aware she was laughing her ass off and looked at his ass in the mirror. There it was: the red and painful bite mark. She had had no mercy for him. He could still hear her giggle on the bed and smiled.

« Look what you’ve done! » He said, trying not to laugh too.  
« Oh, poor butt. He needs a rub! »  
« You can’t touch it now! You hurt him and his feelings. »

Rey laughed again and kneeled on the bed so she could face Ben and kiss him. Her hands were everywhere on him, appreciating his body, making him shiver. She had not touch his cock yet, but it was enough for Ben to lose control of himself.

« Your butt is too pretty, I had to take a bite. You can get revenge if you want. »  
« How? »

She grinned at him, unwrapping the towel and taking his hand to show him the way to her groin. She was wet and hot but he knew it wasn’t from the bath. He brushed her folds with the pulp of his fingers, his eyes focused on hers, watching every motion of her face. She opened her mouth a little and clenched her thighs around his hand.

« I meant… with your mouth too… »

Ben looked at her, a bit stunned. He was expecting this to happen, but maybe not so soon. Was she going to laugh at him or just leave when she’ll know the truth? Or could he just go down on her and try his best? No. He wanted to be good to her, to make her come... back. He had to be honest.

« I’m… I haven’t done that…ever. »

She looked like she was suddenly waking up from a very short night. Her eyes balled and he heard a surprised « oh » escape her mouth. That’s it, he probably ruined his chances to be seen as desirable by her.

« But… how old are you? »

Ben sighed and took a step back, his arousal totally gone and with a furious need to find thick clothes to hide behind. Rey grabbed the towel and wrapped herself with it, running to the door to stop him from leaving the room.

« Ben! That’s not what I meant! I’m sorry that came out so wrong! » She tried to explain. « I’m just surprised because you’re so good with me and- »  
« How could you say that? I haven’t done anything but let you jerk me off and sit on me. »

Maybe he sounded more bitter than he thought he would but the discomfort of having to explain to the woman you’re attracted to that you probably suck in bed was making him very uncomfortable. He hated himself for being so easily triggered.

« It’s not a competition! Come on, don’t be mad. »  
« I’m not mad. »  
« I shouldn’t have reacted this way. I’m sure it’s not that uncommon. Please… Come back to bed. »

She had taken his hand and was already pulling him toward the bed. He followed her, still uneasy with the whole situation. She sat, him still standing in front of her and she started to caress his waist, his hips and now his butt, her mouth kissing his stomach.

« I’m sorry, Ben. Let me make it up to you. »

He sighed. She wasn’t supposed to make up for anything. He had just overreacted because he was insecure about himself. He sat, a bit resigned, cold because he was still naked and ashamed. Rey brushed his hair and tried to kiss and bite his face to make him laugh. Feeling this won’t be enough, she climbed on his lap and cupped his face so he wouldn’t have the choice to look anywhere else but her.

« We can talk about this and get it done or you can sulk. But if you’re choosing the second option, I’m gonna have to go Ben. »  
« It’s not you. I’m just… very… »  
« Embarrassed? You shouldn’t be. I’m sorry I made you feel this way, okay? Now, tell me why on Earth no woman had ever asked you to put those gorgeous lips on her body? »

Ben smiled a little, flattered but surprised she would still give him compliment.

« I just… I had only two women in my life before you. The first one was my high school fling and my first time. So we just didn’t do much, it was awkward and I’d rather not talk about this. And the second one we just… I never returned the favor. »  
« But… Why? Is it something you don’t want to do? » Her hand still stroking his hair was slowly calming his nerves.  
« No! I want to do it! But she was always uncomfortable with it or it was never the right time, we never properly talked about it. And the more she pushed me back the less I wanted to do it to her. It just felt like she didn’t want me there. »

Ben sighed. He had never talked about this before and he had never thought being naked in bed with a woman as gorgeous as Rey would be the moment he’d chose to do it. Against all odds, she smiled and kissed him eagerly, taking the towel off once more.

« Hmm… whatcha doing..? »  
« I’m not your ex-girlfriend. I want your mouth on me. You hear me? »  
« Hmm, yes. »

She was eating his face, rocking her hips against him to get him hard again. And it didn’t take long to Ben to feel his cock rising between them. She smiled when he moaned against her mouth, brushing the slit, wet with pre-cum, with the pulp of her thumb. She was so naughty and unafraid to talk dirty to him, he could come just by hearing her whisper in his ear:

« I want you to make me come with your tongue. Think you can do that? »  
« I… Rey… I- »  
« Because I think, you can make me come just by looking at my pussy. And I’ve been thinking about you eating me out for days. »

Ben was speechless. She was really doing this, provoking him into performing something he had never done. He wasn’t totally clueless because he had seen porn and he had thought about it. But doing it would be totally different. What if he didn’t like the taste? Or he didn’t find her clit? He had no more time to ask himself these questions because Rey was already lying on her back, spreading her legs and caressing her thighs.

Ben’s eyes travelled from her face to her lower belly, swallowing his saliva. Her exposed cunt was already shining from her arousal. Ben had not wanted to please someone this much in his life. He rolled on his stomach and pulled himself between her legs. He started kissing her tummy and her thighs. It was easy, he had done this to women before. Her skin smelled good and clean. She was so soft and small under him. He kissed her groin and stopped right on her pubic mound. He couldn’t be a chicken about this anymore. Rey’s soft fingers brushed his hair and pushed gently on his head to encourage him.

He closed his eyes and went for it, kissing her folds first with gentle pushes. It felt easy, natural and she seemed to like it because she kept stroking his hair asking for more. Ben knew she was probably going to be very supporting so he’d keep doing it. But instead of taking this as a pity fuck, he chose to listen to her reactions and learn. His soft kisses transformed into wet nibbles once his tongue was out. And he had been wrong: she tasted like heaven. The skin smelled like soap but between the folds it was just her. Her pink flesh was soft and sweet against his tongue and after his first licks around, he had found everything he needed to pleasure her.

He could only feel her hand in his hair, pulling him closer and her thighs clenching sometimes when his tongue was working around her clit. She was not saying anything but her breath went deeper and shorter by the minute. For a second, his face moved back from her crotch and she lifted her head to ask him what was wrong. Ben smiled looking at the perfect swell of her breasts from below, her flushed cheeks, messy hair and wet eyes revealing him he wasn’t so bad after all.

« I need you to tell me if I’m doing alright. » He said, his mouth so close to her cunt she could feel the air blowing against her sensitive skin.  
« I… Yes it’s… really good, keep going. »  
« You’ll tell me if it’s bad? »  
« God, please Ben, I’m so- »

Ben smiled again. Maybe he was learning this faster than he thought he would. Her thighs were shaking, her stomach was stiff from the pressure in her loins, her nipples were hard and darker than before. She was on the edge and it felt really empowering to Ben to know her pleasure was in his hands. Before she could finish her sentence, he gently blew on her pussy, watching her mouth forming a "o" and her eyes closing hard when the cold air met her hot flesh. He kept blowing, focusing on her clit which was now swollen and so sensitive the simple brush of his breath was making her insides clench uncontrollably.

« Ben… what are you doing? I can’t take it! » She had quit the bossy tone. She was pleading him to end the torture.

Ben kissed the inside of her thighs, her stomach, her mound and blew again on her folds before licking subtly with the tip of his tongue.

« You’re making me beg for it? » She said with an hysterical laugh.  
« I’m not often in that position. What do you want? »  
« I want your mouth on me. »  
« Like that? » He kissed her gently.  
« No… I want to come in your mouth. »

Ben bit his lip, not strong enough to resist to the urge. Without waiting for more pleading, his lips wrapped around the soft bud and he started to suckle on it. Taking care of leaving his teeth out of the equation, his mouth and tongue were working around her clit, lapping and eating her out. He had to put his valid hand on her stomach to pin her on the mattress and still her. All he could hear now was her deep moans mixed with the wet sounds of his mouth against her slick cunt. In the mess, she pushed on his shoulders with her feet while pulling his head stronger against her crotch. It hurt, but Ben couldn’t care less.

Rey was squirming under him, squeezing her breast in one hand, spreading her folds with the other so he could access her center easily with his tongue. Her wetness was all around his mouth and chin as he was tasting her from the warmest and most intimate part of her body while he nuzzled her clit. For a moment, he thought she wasn’t into it anymore because she’d stopped making sounds. But suddenly, her body arched and she clenched her thighs around his head, crying his name, then fell back on the mattress, her legs lazily spread, her limbs still shaking from her orgasm.

Ben looked at her wordlessly and gently closed her thighs after kissing her lower belly. Now lain next to her, his mouth red and shiny from his deed, his eyes focused on the ceiling, he waited for her to say something. But instead, she rolled on her side, her hand on his chest and she kissed him. They shared her taste and Ben thought that was the sexiest thing he had ever done in his life. He couldn’t help but wrap his arm around her, to hold Rey close just like he would with his girlfriend. And she seemed so caught up in the moment that she let him caress her back tenderly without even touching her butt. After he brushed her hair to clear her face she smiled and said:

« I’m glad we tried. Your ex would have never left you if she had known about… this. »  
« Are you telling me that to make me happy? »  
« Stop doubting yourself, it’s not sexy Ben. »  
« Sorry. »

She climbed on him, rubbing her wetness against him, still naked and hard.

« You just made me come with your mouth. You’re a pussy-eater god. You know how rare your breed is? »

This time, he couldn’t help but chuckle. Despite her no-date rule, Rey was the perfect girlfriend. Ben was feeling more confident every time she showed him how good he was, even if he didn’t feel entitled to every compliment. He pulled her against him so they could kiss again with the firm intention to make her feel how thankful he was for her.

She straddled around his hips, deepening the embrace. He only had a few seconds to catch his breath between two kisses but Ben blessed every lick and kiss coming from Rey. She was there, in his arms, not backing up on them. In fact, she was growing hungrier by the minute. And as he had been ready to give up on his orgasm that night, she seemed to strongly disagree.

Ben wished he could grab her body, pinned it down on the mattress and finally show her he wasn’t just a sub in need of a teacher. But his arm was killing him. Every move he made required five times the effort. He had to voice it.

« Rey… ? »

As a response, she mumbled between two bites on his earlobe that made his toes curled hard. He gently pushed her away to look at her in the eyes and he stayed a bit stunned at the sight of her shiny eyes, flushed cheeks and used lips.

« Mh? ... Ben? » She asked again.  
« I wanted to say something kinky but then I got embarrassed. »

Rey truly laughed and kissed him again before reassuring him again.

« You want to be on top, but you can’t because of your hands? » She smiled when he growled back. « That’s okay. I know what you’re capable of, let me lead this until you get better. »

Her lips curled up in that cheeky smile she had given him the first night they had met at the hospital. He was in no position to argue and she was already rubbing her cunt against his dick anyway. But he had heard her right: she wanted to do this until he was better... and maybe even after. His heart swole in his chest. Her hair wet on the ends, her shaky thighs, her gorgeous tits bouncing in rhythm… the picture was perfect. He couldn’t take his eyes off her, especially when she gently grabbed his shaft and aligned her body with his and all he could see was her eyes closing while her mouth opened to let a warm blow escape her lips.

She melted around him, wet and warm, needy and easy at the same time. As if he was always destined to be between her legs and she had prepared all her life to receive him. It was probably presumptuous to imagine this, but Ben never felt the same feeling of safety with any other women. Not that he had plenty of women… But even with the ones he didn’t sleep with, it had not been so good and obvious. Rey’s body was built for him. He locked himself deep in her, watching every move and listening to every sound.

He could forget time and space entirely, subjugated by her beauty. She was still rolling her hips, her hands in her hair, her whole body exposed and Ben regretted he had only one hand to cover her. His palm rubbed her butt, feeling her firm muscles, travelled across her back and landed on her cheek. She opened her eyes to look at him and she smiled. For a minute, he had thought she'd forgotten him and was only enjoying the ride. But when she bent and kissed him that way, he forgave her.

Ben kept his arm wrapped around her so she would not go away, his hand lost in her hazel mane. She moaned against his mouth, heating the atmosphere, hiding them from the world behind a curtain of hair. Their tongue found each other again in urgent kisses and bites. Ben was moving against her, shifting his body so he could roll on her and finish what she’d started. She screamed a little bit when he landed between her legs, spreading them even more without unlocking himself from her. Finding the balance on his elbows, he knew he had not much time until he couldn’t take the pain any longer.

His forehead against hers, he decided to trust his body, following his own urges, knowing that he had been right with Rey all along. When he moved, she moved with him, when it felt good, she was screaming too. He sensed her legs knotting on his back and he smiled every time her pelvic mound crushed his, making her moan even louder. He was so deep inside her and each second passing, she felt tighter and tighter, as if her walls couldn’t contain that much pleasure. When he was about to ask if she was okay, she pulled his hair so hard he cried a little in her embrace.

His delivery didn’t wait that long. For a second that felt like a whole minute, his heart stopped his crazy race. He could sense every muscle and every nerve awakening all at once. He wanted to look at her during her orgasm but he failed to keep his eyes opened. Her ultimate scream echoed in his ear like I signal he could finally fall and rest. His head pillowed on her chest, he was slowly regaining his senses rocked by her heartbeat.

If he was certain she would stay, Ben would fall asleep against her. His thighs still between Rey’s legs, he could feel a warm gush coming out of her and her muscles stiffening. Suddenly, he realized.

« Fuck, we've been doing this without any condom! I’m sorry, Rey. Fuck, I’m stupid. »

She chuckled a little and brushed his hair. Ben was not ready for this kind of reaction.

« Calm down… It’s okay. We’re safe. »  
« We are? »  
« You had a blood test at the hospital, I checked on it before coming to your place the first night. »  
« Oh. Is it legal? »  
« Probably not. » She laughed. « But I took a look, just in case because we all know men can't be trusted with that sort of things. »

Ben bit his cheek, guilty of being obsessed with his cock and not thinking about her safety first. But she didn't sound mad.

« What if I was sleeping with other women? » He joked.  
« Are you, Benjamin? »  
« Who am I kidding, of course not. » He grunted. « But what about the other issue? »  
« I’m wearing an IUD. We’re safe. I’m a doctor, I care about these stuff. »

He laid his head back on her and sighed. She was really taking care of everything around, right? How could he believe her when she said she wasn’t ready for commitment?

2 hours later, when Rey’s laundry was dry and folded in her bags and she was looking at him on his porch, ready to say goodbye, Ben’s stomach knotted heavily. She was zipping up her hoodie and avoiding his gaze, knowing exactly what she would have found. Maybe she was already thinking about quitting her no-date rule, he thought. But he didn’t want to place his hope on her shoulders yet, love had never been on his side.

« So… thank you for the laundry and… the rest. » She pulled on her sweater while looking anywhere but in his eyes.  
« It was my pleasure. »

They both smiled but Ben stayed still, waiting for her to make the first step. Because if he tried to kiss her, she would once again tell him she wasn’t his girlfriend. But giving her the choice meant Rey could go home without saying a proper goodbye to him. After a full, long minute trampling on her feet, faking to check her phone’s notifications, she finally tiptoed and kissed the corner of his mouth. Ben smiled, knowing it was better than nothing and watched her car leave until it disappeared around the corner of his quiet street.

****

Rey was staring at the dark stream coming out of the coffee machine directly in her gigantic Space Wars mug. She had just spent a painful hour trying to stitch a kid’s finger and he couldn’t stay in place. Rey wasn’t good with kids. It was not that she didn’t like but they were making her really uncomfortable. She wasn’t warm or delicate. She hated to have to use a different vocabulary to explain to them what she was going to do in order to not trigger a panic attack. Sometimes, she even forgot about the forbidden words like needle, blood or surgery, and she had to suffer the angry looks of worried parents who then complained to the nurse station about the inhumanity of the medical staff.

That was just how she was. There was no need to lie to kids or to assume they were stupid because they had these tiny hands and squeaky voices. Hell, nobody lied to Rey when they told her at 5 her parents didn’t want her and that was why she was in a foster home. They just… told her. She grabbed her coffee mug and sat on the couch, ignoring the soap opera that was on TV and closing her eyes for a second. She had been paged that night for a massive car accident and had not gone home for more than 14 hours now. She needed a good meal and some sleep.

« Hey! Wake up! »

Dameron sat on the couch in front of her. He looked terrible too. As the chief of the ER, he had a way worst night and day than her and he was still here, smiling and taking care of the staff. She watched him rub his face and smile to her.

« You should go home Poe. »  
« We still got to check on the ones coming back from the OR. And then I get to go home. »  
« Is somebody waiting for you? »  
« Not today, Johnson. »  
« Oh? Trouble in paradise? »  
« No, he just doesn’t like when I’m working too many hours. I’m all cranky afterwards. »  
« He? »

Poe smiled, satisfied. He liked his surprise effects.

« I didn’t know. » She said, utterly curious.  
« You didn’t ask. »  
« Well, I mean… You tried to hit on me like.. 5 months ago. »  
« I play in both teams, Johnson! »

This time, Rey smiled too and finished her coffee, before walking to the door to go back to work. If she had to be honest, she was more surprised by the fact that Poe could be cranky than bisexual.

« I’m sure he’s very nice if he can handle you! »

She heard him laugh while she left to find the files she had requested a few hours ago. She just had to stay focus a little bit longer until she could find her bed again. She had three patients to check on and if nobody came with a knife in his thumb or a fractured pinky, she could be home by 7, which was earlier than the 5 previous days. And maybe, she could find the time and the energy to answer to Ben’s last texts.

The guy had texted her three times since they had seen each other last. First he was asking if she was doing okay and if she wanted to grab a bite at his place someday. The second one was an apology for disturbing her because he knew she was busy and will let her text him back. The third one had made her wince a little. Not because she’d found it annoying but because she didn’t know what to say.

" _Hey… It’s probably stupid of me to think you not answering my previous texts was not enough of a clue but I hope I didn’t do anything wrong or nothing happened to you… Bye, Rey."_

It was 3 days ago. She inhaled deeply while rereading his message. He did not do anything wrong, he was just too sweet for her. Not that she didn’t like it but what if they get really close and then he realized she wasn’t a good girlfriend? She had been disappointed by people bailing on her several times and she didn’t want that with Ben. Maybe she’ll be the one to bail on him. It was best to hurt him a little now than to hurt both of them a lot later. Even if that meant she wasn’t going to sleep with him again… And God knew how much she enjoyed being naked with him.

Right before she arrived in front of her patient's room, Rey realized she was missing one file and sighed. Another long walk to the ground floor without taking the elevators because those machines took too long to arrive when the hospital was crowded like that. She finally saw the nurse station approaching when something, or more like someone, caught her eyes in one of the ER room.

Behind the bay window, she saw Ben seated on a stool, his hand placed on the table while Poe was bent over it. Rey’s brows pinched together and her heart stung a little. She pushed the door, probably looking miserable and pissed, baby hair coming out on her forehead and nape, mouth dry, dark circles under her eyes. Ben lifted his head and looked at her, surprised. He was wearing glasses. She had never seen him with them. They were dark tortoise square-shaped and gave him that sexy, smart look. His hair was neat, shiny, as he had probably gone to the hairdresser the day before. He was wearing a grey plaid blazer. He really looked like a professor now… a dashing one, with blood on his clothes.

Rey looked at his hand, bloody and shaking a little. It looked like it hurt.

« What’s that? » She asked dryly.  
« I accidentally had to use my hand and- »  
« How can you accidentally use your hand? »

He had a look on his face Rey had never seen on him. She wasn’t that familiar with Ben but enough to know that - outside of the bedroom - he wasn’t easily impressed or scared by anyone. Now, he just looked like he was lost for words. It was her fault.

« Somebody fell and I didn’t think, I just grabbed them. I forgot I couldn’t use my hand and the stitches reopened. »  
« It’s okay, buddy… I’m just gonna clean this up and close them. » Poe said before Rey could intervene. _But why on Earth was he doing this?_  
« Why did nobody page me? » She objected, her arms now crossed on her chest.  
« I didn’t want to bother you, I can do this. »

She could feel Poe was trying to soothe the atmosphere and probably hiding something too. He was there for long hours, just like her if not more. He was the chief of the ER and he had no time for a couple of dumb stitches, even if Ben was his friend.

« What if something was wrong? »  
« I checked with Kaydel, she knows the patient. »  
« Connix is not a resident! »

Poe ignored her and Ben was fleeing her gaze. Rey was pissed. And she knew it had nothing to do with the fact that Dameron was taking care of her patient. If it wasn’t for Ben, she would be glad to skip a stupid injury like this.

« Poe, leave it. I’m gonna do this. »  
« Rey, this is my service, you can go now. We’re fine. »  
« This is MY patient, Dameron. »

Poe finally lifted his head to look at her. He threw away the compress and his bloody gloves and stepped back, nodding at her and then giving Ben a knowing and sorry look. What was going on here? She watched him leave and scrubbed in. Silence had fell in the room and Ben wasn’t even breathing anymore. She sat and started where Poe left off. The young surgeon could feel his gaze on her and she probably had to speak first this time.

« Why didn’t you call me? I told you to keep me updated. »  
« I just didn’t think you’d be interested anymore. »  
« Oh come on, it’s stupid. »

She was finishing to clean the wound and she could see he was restraining himself very hard on not moving or showing her he was in pain. And on her side, she was doing the exact same by denying it would have been awkward to suddenly answer him after leaving him on read for days.

« Is it, though? »  
« I’m your doctor, I should know these stuff. »  
« I did what everybody does: I came to the hospital and somebody took care of me. I don’t have cancer, I think any doctor could take care of my hand. »  
« Fine. Do you want me to call Poe back? »

What was wrong with her? Why was she so pressed about this?

« No, I don’t. »

She sighed and went back on her work, probably a bit rougher than she was supposed to be because he suddenly pulled his hand against his chest.

« Can you - at least - not treat me like a piece of meat, Rey? »

This time, they were both looking at each other in the eyes, knowing perfectly he wasn’t just talking about his hand. She pressed her lips together and swallowed heavily.

« I’m sorry. »

He waited until she gently opened her palm to invite him back on the table to give her his hand again. This time, she was taking it slow, almost cuddling his fingers while she was working on the crimson slit. He said nothing when she used the anesthetic syringes again but once his limb was numb again, he finally broke the silence.

« Did I do something you didn’t like? »  
« No, why? »  
« Because… you know why. »

Rey was happy she didn’t have to look at him in the eyes right now. He was a sweet man, she didn’t want to see him hurt.

« I just… I told you- »  
« Yes, I know. You don’t date. But it wasn’t any different than what we did before. Just you, me, dinner… You don’t have to stay the night or lie to me. »  
« Ben. » She started with a sigh. « I was tired, I had an awful week at the hospital I just didn’t have time to answer and it’s exactly why I don’t date. »  
« Because you work hard? You think I can’t understand that? If you don’t want to see me anymore, just say it. You don’t need to lie. I’m a big boy, Rey. »

Without looking at him, she could hear in his voice he was hurt. That’s exactly what she wanted to avoid by sleeping with a smart and sensitive guy. With a frat boy, she’d just have to strip and be done with it. But with Ben, it could lead somewhere and it terrified her.

« It’s not that… I just didn’t know how to say it without… hurting you? »  
« So you thought ghosting me was better? »  
« I was wrong, okay? Sorry. We had a great time but it’s just not the right moment. »

Ben didn’t say anything until she was done working on him. When she finally closed his bandage, he retrieved his stuff and broke the heavy silence again.

« I don’t need you to tell me why you don’t want to see me anymore. Because I know you do, you just don’t want to admit it. But if that’s not something you want to pursue, I’m not the kind of guy who’s gonna stay where he’s not wanted. I had my share of rejections too, you know? Just say it and I’ll be out of your way. »

Ben waited a whole minute for her to answer but she didn’t. She walked to the sink and washed her hands in silence. She could not believe he was giving her an ultimatum. Why couldn’t he just say he was sorry for pressuring her and tell her he’ll wait for her to text him for their next booty call? That was what all guys wanted nowadays. But she had to get the one fucking romantic, nice and sweet man in Boston. She heard the door closing gently and she turned around just in time to see through the glass while he disappeared in the hallway.

Rey sighed and sat on the stool. She was feeling exhausted and nauseous. She didn’t know if she was right anymore. She had her reasons and they were enough. But at the same time, she couldn’t help but feel her chest tightened at the thought she would never see Ben again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, things are getting a bit out of hands for Rey. Poor thing doesn't know how to handle her feelings for Ben. I noticed this is something the reylo fandom has been doing a lot: they both need to be nurtured and Rey is often lost. The dynamic changes a lot. 
> 
> These days, I hear a lot of stories about readers always siding with Ben even when he's being problematic because we have trouble tolerating a flawed female character. We do not forgive women as easily we do men. The Rey in my story is going to appear flawed, selfish sometimes... But, aren't we all at some point? And I admit myself that writing Ben as imperfect was tricky because I love him so much and I don't want to see him being hurt more than he was by DLF. But I hope I succeeded describing him as the sweet Ben Solo we deserved AND just another clueless man at the same time. Anyway, you'll tell me!
> 
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/adamdrivwhore) too!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when Rey realizes she has to let Ben in?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!  
> I almost completely forgot I had to update it here. So I'm sorry for the delay but here it is!  
> I'm so glad we're finally diving in the real thing of this story and I hope you'll like it!

Lately, Rey often arrived early at work just so she could have the locker room all to herself. She was feeling very self-conscious about changing in front of other people since her condition had changed. It was not like she was going to be able to hide it forever but the longer the better. She put on her blue trousers, loosening the drawcords a bit more every day and quickly covered the top of her body with the matching shirt. She sat on the bench to tie her shoelaces and closed her eyes. She was already feeling sweaty and weak in her legs. Throwing up all morning hadn't been enough, she was also suffering from hunger and thirst. But since nothing she'd eat stayed very long in her stomach... 

In fact, she couldn’t stand anything for the moment. The smell of coffee repulsed her and the idea of putting anything solid in her mouth, knowing she would vomit it an hour later, was unbearable. Rey bit in a sugar cube just to give herself the right boost of energy to stand up and go to the nurse station. But before she could move, she felt a strong gaze studying her. When her eyes flicked up, Poe Dameron was there, leaning on the lockers and pouting in disapprobation. How long had he been here? Instead of his usual snarky comment, he sat next to her and handed Rey a protein granola bar.

« No thanks. »  
« You’re not gonna work on an empty stomach. What’s that? A new diet? One sugar cube a day keeps the doctor away? »  
« I’m not hungry those days, that’s it. »  
« We both went to med school, Rey. I know a pregnant woman when I see one. »

The young surgeon harshly swallowed her saliva and closed her eyes hard.

« What gave me away? »  
« The early arrival, the large shirt, the running to the toilets and… Something on your face. »  
« Something on my face? »  
« Yes… You’re constantly oscillating between bright happiness and dreadful fear. »  
« So you’re saying I’m a crazy moody pregnant woman? » She spat.  
« No. I’m saying you’re scared, but you want this baby. »

Rey sighed and opened the granola bar. She was starving. If she was going to puke, at least it would be food and not bile. But Poe didn’t seem done with her, and she knew exactly what was coming next.

« Is it why you ended things with Ben? »  
« Nothing had started with him. » She shrugged.  
« According to you. But that’s not the point. » He added before she could object. « Did you have somebody else in your life? »

Rey took a deep breath and looked at her feet, the cereals still on her tongue. She couldn’t swallow now, her throat was too tight.

« Rey… is the baby… Ben’s? »

Another awkward silence.

« And you’re not gonna tell him?! » He protested vividly.  
« It’s not your place to judge me! »  
« It’s not me being judgmental! It’s me being concerned for my friend. You didn’t have to end things like this, Rey. Especially knowing… That. »  
« So what? I don’t have a say in this? I didn’t know I was pregnant when I asked for a break. »

Poe was now standing, turning his back to her. He probably couldn’t look at her. She couldn’t either.

« First of all, you didn’t ask for a break. You just ignored him. And now this? Seriously, how do you comb your hair so your horns don’t show? »

The two surgeons were both scowling at each other, waiting for one of them to yield.

« You’re not gonna tell him, are you? » She carefully asked.  
« Jesus. » He sighed. « You think I can lie to him? That I could hide this from my oldest friend? Why would I do that? »  
« It’s not your business Poe! »  
« I know I shouldn’t take the decision for you but you have no right to hide it from Ben. »

Poe didn’t give Rey more time to answer and walked out of the locker room, punching one of the metallic door. Rey had no time to process what had just happened because she had work to do and no will to be found by the other doctors. She threw the granola bar in the trashcan and put on her scrub to finally begin her day. Poe was not going to leave her alone that easily but she was a busy woman. And also, she had no intention of letting this man telling her what to do.

But Dameron didn’t let go. At lunch break, Rey had found refuge in the on-call room, snacking on baby carrots and hummus with her anthropology magazine on her lap. Poe sat right next to her and stared at her until she was finally willing to look back at him.

« What? »  
« I'm sorry for earlier." He sighed and bit his lip. "I had no right to be this rough and I hope I didn't scare you." She only answered with a shrug. "When are you going to tell him? »  
« That’s none of your business. » She dryly retorted.  
« Would you lie to your best friend about something like this? »

His voice was softer than this morning, but Rey had nothing to justify to anyone, especially not to him.

« You weren’t supposed to know so just ignore it! »  
« I can’t! I don’t get why you want to hide it from him. Did he say or do something to make you feel uncomfortable? »  
« No! So what? Because he’s nice I should just raise a child with him? » Rey was trying to keep it low but now she couldn’t care the whole hospital heard her. Poe was pissing her off.  
« That’s not what I’m saying! » He objected. « But he deserves to know, you don’t have to marry him, just give him a chance to be part of his kid’s life! »  
« What makes you think I’m gonna keep it? »

Poe threw her an annoyed look. What was the problem with men thinking they knew better?

« Even if you decide you don’t want the baby after the birth, you should give Ben the choice to be a father. »

Rey swallowed and closed her magazine. This time he was right, she just didn’t want to discuss the matter with a stranger.

« I know I've got to tell him. I’m just not ready yet. I haven’t… processed this. »  
« Rey, you’re alone here. You don’t have any family, you barely have any friends with the long hours of work… You’re gonna need someone, and that can’t be me or a stranger if the father is right there. »  
« What if he wants no part of… us? »  
« He will. Trust me, he will. »

Poe shared his lunch with Rey in silence. They were both still tensed but at least she wasn’t eating alone. For the rest of the day, Rey could not think about anything else than telling Ben. It had been a possibility before. Now it was an obligation. She had no right to deprive Ben from knowing the truth. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized it wasn’t rejection she feared the most. It was him getting closer to her.

A week had passed since Poe had admitted he knew about her condition. He had not mentioned Ben again but she could see it in his eyes: the words were burning his lips. Rey just needed a little bit more time. Just enough so she could think about how she would tell him. The surgeon couldn’t pretend she had just found out and she wasn’t able to handle Ben’s - rightful - anger. And instead of thinking more about it, she took the whole Saturday afternoon to go shopping.

It had been a little bit more than a month since she had found out she was expecting and she had not once took the time to rejoice. She had spent a whole afternoon crying in her gynecologist’s office, a whole week looking in her books everything there was to know about failed IUD contraception and the risks for her foetus, and the remainings of the first trimester to puke her guts out.

Staring at a crib in a window, she suddenly saw herself in the reflection. She'd almost forgotten she was just entering the second trimester, making this pregnancy thing official. Her second gyno appointment was planned next Tuesday and she was feeling good about it. She shifted slightly and tightened her shirt around her belly to see the small barely visible bump on her reflection. That sight warmed up her heart and she smiled, circling her belly with her small hands. When she lifted her head, Rey realized she wasn’t the only one staring at herself in the window. Right next to her head, Ben’s eyes met hers.

Rey stopped breathing and turned around quickly. He was just a few feet away, books wrapped in his arm, his other hand holding a grocery bag, the surprise flashing on his face was nothing compared to the loud thumping of her heart in her ears. He was not speaking but not leaving Rey’s eyes. He was hurt, she could see it. She could also feel the attraction, the need to get closer to her like an invisible string pulling him… and maybe pulling her more than she was ready to admit. His gaze landed on her stomach she instantly hid with her long cardigan. But it was too late, he had seen it. She expected him to burst, yell and be mad, but he didn’t. He just smiled nicely to her, probably not aware he was the cause of her condition. How could he be?

« Hey… » She tried.  
« Congratulations… »

As sad as his voice was, she could feel he was genuinely honest. He wanted her happiness, she was depriving him of his and she felt miserable for taking such a selfish decision for the both of them.

« If I knew you were… already committed- »  
« You’re not mad? » She asked, surprised.  
« About what? »  
« About me… having someone else. »  
« I should, probably. » He shrugged. « But you never lied to me about not wanting to be with me. You were always very clear it was just fucking. What you do with your… regular partner isn’t my concern. »

She nodded, feeling very aware than her will to tell him the truth was slowly stepping back. Poe was wrong, Ben looked attached to her but his words were telling something else.

« But… »  
« But? » She quickly caught up.  
« I feel like your boyfriend isn’t the one for you. »  
« Why? »  
« Because if you were my girlfriend and you only had few hours a week off-duty… I would make sure you wouldn’t want to go anywhere else but to my place. I’d take care of your laundry, I wouldn’t let you eat junk food when you need a home-cooked meal and I… I would not let you out of my bed until you’d be fully satisfied. And… I feel like your boyfriend doesn’t do all that. »

Rey pressed her lips together, not able to say a word but processing everything Ben just said. She wanted to believe him because every word he had said was making her stomach twitch, her lags shake and her mind go dizzy. But what if it was just a false promise? He didn’t know her as much as she knew herself. And once he’d find out she’s been hiding her pregnancy from him, he would never want to cook her dinners and wash her dirty clothes.

« And… about that. » He said, pointing at her stomach. « I’d want to make sure you were so proud of having my baby you wouldn’t have to hide behind large clothes. »

Rey realized she was not only depriving Ben of knowing he was going to be a dad, she was also closing the door on a man who was willing to make her happy and to be a loving father to her kid. Something she never had.. and it was her doing only. Noticing she wasn’t answering, Ben nodded knowingly and started to walk away. But it was now or never.

« It’s yours. »

He stopped walking. She stopped breathing.

« …It’s your baby. »

He turned around, his brows frowned, his mouth fell open and she wished she could know what he was thinking. Rey couldn’t tell if he was mad or disappointed, if he was going to yell or cry.

« I… I’m sorry I hid it from you, I didn’t know what to do. And you said all these things and- »

He shut her up with his mouth crashing hardly against hers, his hand now on the back of her head. Her eyes, first balling with surprise, closed slowly and she melted in his kiss, everything else vanishing for a short minute. There was no tongue, just the reassuring touch of their lips sharing a soft embrace. And when he parted from her, she felt very cold and alone. She wanted him back. It was less scary when he was around. He had a smile on his face, his eyes studying her, her body and sending her all these feelings she had no idea how to process.

« W-why? Why did you hide it from me? » He exclaimed, a touch of excitement in his voice.  
« I do stupid things like that sometimes. »  
« It’s serious this time, Rey. » He tried to reason her.  
« Are you gonna lecture me? »  
« I should. But I feel like if I do I’m never gonna see you… or him again. »

He had his hand on her stomach now. His large, warm hand. She realized how much she had missed them and how good it felt to have somebody else rejoicing for the little bean growing inside of her. His touch was so intimate it made her shiver from head to toe, sending all kinds of signals in her brain.

« Can I invite you for a coffee? » He asked with a soft voice.  
« I don’t drink co- yes, sure. Sorry. » She had to learn to be nicer.

They sat in a little coffee shop nearby and the waitress greeted them with a big smile. She was completely ignoring Rey, focused only on Ben who had no idea he was the center of the girl’s attention. The doctor watched the scene, a little amused by the desperation on the waitress’s face and a little bit of pride that she was the only woman who mattered to Ben right now.

« You come here often? » She asked softly.  
« Why? »  
« She seems to know you, the waitress. » He followed the line of her sight to the young woman behind the counter.  
« Oh, yeah. It’s right next to the campus so I come here for breaks. »

She nodded, a bit unsure if they were supposed to have the talk right now. She was not very good at finding the right words to express her feelings and something told her that it wasn’t Ben’s forte either. But this time, he was surprisingly vocal about it. The fact that he didn’t yell at her yet was still a shock for her, though.

« So, care to explain to me what happened? »  
« What do you want to know? »  
« Everything, Rey. I want to know how is it possible that you’re pregnant for a start. I thought it couldn’t happen. »

Rey watched the waitress serve them their drinks before she could try to explain. "Gosh, that woman needs to back off!" She thought as the girl offered another smile to the Professor.

« I thought you said you had a DIY or something. »

The young doctor started to laugh despite her wish to stay serious. « What’s funny? » He asked before he realized his mistake and joined her. She wiped the tears on the corner of her eyes and sniffled a little. Rey had missed him. He was still staring at her, waiting for answers but this time the lines on his face had relaxed.

« It’s called an IUD and… I thought so too. But apparently there was a risk and it happened. I have no other explanation. »  
« For how long have you known? »  
« Hm… a little bit more than a month. »  
« Why did you… nevermind. » He sighed.  
« You have every right to be mad at me. »  
« I just don’t understand what made you think it would have been bad to tell me. »  
« We barely know each other! »  
« Yes, you made sure of that. »

He was closing himself, and how could she blame him?

« Ben. » She grabbed his hand. « I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you, I just didn’t know how. It was already hard to process things and I needed time. »  
« How long? Were you gonna wait until he was born? »

Rey sat back and looked at him avoiding her gaze, pouting in frustration.

« How’s your hand? » She said after noticing he didn’t have a bandage anymore.  
« It’s fine. »

She reached for it and after a moment of reluctance, he placed it in her palm. She looked at the back, softly tracing the scar. He shivered.

« It’s… sensitive. »  
« You can move it? »  
« It’s still not fully okay but at least I can close my fist. »

Her hands seemed so small in his. She wondered how small a baby’s hand would look here. And as if he had read in her brain, he added:

« I’m not gonna go away. I’ll be his dad. You can’t take that away from me. »  
« I’m not. »

He nodded and took a sip of his coffee. She missed the hot brew but the smell was worse than the taste of it. He seemed to catch her disgusted expression and put the cup on an empty table next to them.

« Thank you. »  
« Listen, I don’t know who you're dating but… I’m going to be there every step of the way. »  
« Nobody is. »  
« What do you mean? »  
« I’m a single pregnant woman. Nobody’s helping me. »  
« Rey… »

She didn’t want his pity but at the same time, the fact that he knew made everything lighter all of a sudden. As if all she wanted from the very start was to have someone by her side. But she had been too afraid to ask.

« Why didn’t you want me, then? »  
« I just didn’t want a relationship, that’s it Ben. » She shrugged.  
« Okay, well… We don’t have to be together to raise this kid. I’ll just be available day and night with you, I’ll move in or you can come to my place when you reach the last trimester and- »  
« What? No! »  
« No? » The tone of surprise had come back.  
« If we’re doing this together, we’ll do it… separately. »  
« We’ll talk about this. » He affirmed.  
« What do you mean we’ll talk about this. What’s with you? Suddenly, you’re an alpha male and you get to decide for me? »

Ben frowned and shook his head in annoyance.

« Are these the hormones talking? Because I don’t remember you being such a pain in the ass. »  
« Oh, real nice, Ben. »

Rey grabbed her cardigan and walked out without another word. She was exhausted. This was too much. Ben had no right to patronize her and assume he could control her now that she was carrying his child. He was hers too. He didn’t try to run after her and maybe it was for the best. She didn’t know how mean she could be today.

At first, it had not hurt when he had not followed her in the street. Now that she was home, she fell in her old habits again: "what if he doesn't care, it was a mistake, she should have stayed quiet about it, Poe was an ass..." She ranted all afternoon about it and the whole reassurance she had felt for 5 minutes had practically disappeared. But that same day, when she was coiled under her fluffy blanket on her couch watching Top Chef, her phone buzzed on the coffee table. She frowned and grabbed the device. Ben was calling her.

« What? » She snorted.  
« I’m sorry. » He waited a little but went on when she stayed silent. « I shouldn’t order you around. »  
« No you shouldn’t. I’m not yours because I have your seed in my uterus. »  
« Rey, can you stop being aggressive toward me for one minute, please? I was stupid, I’m sorry but I didn’t want to cause any harm. »

He had said all that with a very composed tone and she had no other choice than to calm down or sound like an hysterical bitch.

« I just want to make sure you’re okay and you’re safe. I don’t want to force you into something you’re not comfortable with. »  
« I know… I let myself get a little carried away, sorry Ben. »

She heard him hum and bite his nail. She had to make a step toward him now.

« I have an appointment to the gyno on Tuesday if you want… »  
« Just tell me when and where and I’ll be there. »  
« Ben, are you sure you want to do this with me? »  
« The fact that you’re asking this question proves how clueless you are about my feelings for you. I mean hm… The feelings I had. Past tense. »

There was no way Rey could knowingly live with Ben now.

****

Ben was early in the waiting room of Doctor Holdo. He was the only man, surrounded by women of all ages. An expecting mom was trying to stop a toddler from throwing her doll on the floor, a middle-age lady was compulsively looking at the clock on the wall and pleading against the doctor’s delay. A teenage girl was crossing her arms and ignoring her mom trying to reassure her. A shiver shook Ben to his core, already uncomfortably seated on a plastic chair too small for his massive frame. He could only imagine what women were going through all of their lives. This girl was pretty young and he thought about the embarrassment of coming to that kind of specialist at this age with his mom. Or worse: his dad.

Rey stormed into the room, cheeks flushed, baby hair coming out on her temples and she fell on the chair he had saved for her. At that moment, all eyes landed on them, and he responded to the curious looks with an uneasy smile. Was he really standing out of the crowd? To distract himself from the gaze of other women, he helped Rey get rid of her coat and tried not to think too much about how he wanted to kiss her instead of just greeting her with a shy « hello ».

She was wearing a loose t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. He had never seen her in comfy attires before. Sensing his gaze on her outfit she growled:

« Nothing fits me any longer, okay? »  
« I didn’t say anything. »  
« Yeah, but I see the look you’re giving me. »  
« We could go shopping, you know. »  
« I can take care of that myself. »  
« Okay, sorry. »

She sighed.

« Stop apologizing for everything. I already told you, it’s not sexy. »  
« I don’t need you to find me sexy anymore. »

She was speechless and Ben smiled. He had finally beaten her at her own game. She wasn’t the only brat in the room.

« Besides, I don’t want to spend too much money on clothes I’ll only wear for 6 months. » She changed the topic as if he had not said a thing and he chortled.  
« I don’t know much about these stuff but hm… Maybe we- you can find someone to lend you their old maternity clothes? »  
« I don’t know any mom. I don’t know anyone, to be honest. »  
« My cousin had twins last winter, I can ask. »  
« No, thanks. »

Ben shrugged. It was useless to fight Rey when she was in her mood, now he knew it. He also noticed she hated getting help from anyone. All he could do was offer it and wait for her to yield. He studied her profile while she was reading her magazine. He loved her perky nose, her high cheekbones, the way the baby hair swirled in her neck and her scent was something out of this world. He already thought she smelled amazing but now that she was pregnant, he could spend the entire day nuzzling under her ear and licking the hot spot between her breasts. His eyes slowly travelled to her chest where pregnancy was slowly doing its work. She had rounder and fuller breasts he wanted to cup so bad.

« What are you looking at? » She whispered angrily.  
« I just- »  
« You just what?! »  
« To be honest, I was looking at your boobs because I think they look great. »

Rey was left speechless again, but Ben didn't miss the corner of her mouth curling in spite of herself. When their turn finally came, Ben felt a bit sick. He had no idea what was going to happen and if he had to stay all the way. Would she undress or be embarrassed he’d be with her?

« So, is this the lucky father? » Doctor Holdo asked with a stiff smile that made Ben even more uncomfortable.  
« Yes, that’s him. » Rey answered.  
« Glad you’re joining us Mister…? »  
« Solo. I’m Ben Solo. »

Holdo wrote something down in her file and looked at her screen, chewing a gum, the chain of her glasses tinkling against her massive necklace. She was about 50, blond hair with a strange shade of purple when the sunlight hit her head. Ben looked around and pressed his lips when a sculpture of a woman’s genitals caught his sight. He was surrounded by vulvas and uteruses and he was now certain that any men being curious about a gynecologist appointment would be disappointed by its sterile aspect. Another chill shook his spine as his hand began to sweat heavily. What was he doing here?

« Are you okay? » Rey whispered, leaning toward him. « You look very pale. »  
« Oh, no I’m fine. I’m just… I’ve never been… here. »  
« Don’t worry, Mr. Solo. There is no test at the end. » Holdo winked at him and he didn’t know if she was laughing with him or at him.

She invited Rey to take off her sweatpants and jump on the table. Ben looked everywhere but on her, fearing she might be embarrassed. After all, if she had been reluctant to date him while carrying his child, it was only fair he doubted her wish to be intimate with him again. But she did something that surprised the both of them: she asked him to come by her side.

« Is it gonna hurt? »  
« No. » She chuckled. « Maybe it’s going to be a bit cold. »

Ben watched everything Holdo was doing as if he was trying to learn the right moves just in case Rey would need him someday. Not that he could do _that_ but he wanted to know things, be useful to her and the baby. The gynecologist lifted Rey’s jumper, exposing her little bump to Ben’s eyes for the first time. His whole body melted to the sight of her round tummy.

The sound of the strange gel coming out of the tube woke him up from his trance and he focused on the doctor again. Rey was looking a bit anxious too, her lips severely bitten.

« Have you seen him already? » He asked with a low voice.  
« No, it’s my first scan. »

Ben had seen movies, he knew that he was going to see their baby on the screen. He was just completely dissociated from reality at this point. First, he heard that loud thumping and chills covered his skin despite his heavy sweatshirt. Then, the hint of a body shape appeared under his eyes. It was surreal. Ignoring her past reluctance to be close to him, Ben grabbed Rey’s hand. But she didn’t reject him. Instead, she tightened her grip, her face gone blank as her eyes were staring at the screen.

Holdo was still talking but they were both elsewhere. The little shape looked like a bean with arms and legs but it was the cutest bean that had ever existed, Ben couldn’t be convinced otherwise. Not holding it any longer, Ben bent and kissed Rey on the forehead, brushing her hair backwards and taking advantage of this moment to absorb every particle of her perfume in his nose until he was drunk of her scent. And as if seeing their baby for the first time had completely softened her, she cupped his face with one hand and pulled it closer to her lips, initiating a tender kiss.

Finally, he was tasting her again. It had been more than three months since she had ended whatever had started between them and almost a week since he had kissed her in the street. And now, the plump of her mouth was against his. It was a soft peck mixed with the urgency of the situation. He tried to make her feel loved and desired and it worked because she pushed harder against his lips and slightly opened hers so he could get a deeper taste of her.

Ben could have completely forgotten they weren’t alone if Holdo had not cleared her throat. He looked at Rey, both of their eyes shining with emotion. He knew that kiss didn’t mean anything and that they’d probably go back to the usual passive aggressive relationship they seem to have since she'd told him about her pregnancy. But at this moment, nothing else mattered. She was going to have his baby and he would be there for her, for the both of them. There was nothing she could say or do to push him away to the point he would give up on his child and the woman he was still crazy about. He extended the kiss a little more and when their lips parted, he dived right in her eyes.

Holdo didn’t seem to mind they were in their own bubble. She must be used to young couple having a moment. But Ben and Rey weren’t a couple. They barely were exes, if Ben thought about it. At that point, it didn't matter. The details of the meeting died in his brain. The baby was doing okay, had the right amount of legs and fingers, and something about the size of his neck indicating he had low risks of some chromosomal disease was mentioned too. That was all he needed.

He helped Rey back on her feet and handed her her pants. Seated back at the doctor’s desk, Ben took Rey’s hand. Holdo’s was talking very fast, not minding the fact that he had no medical background but something told him the two women almost forgot he was here. Once in the street with her file under her arm, Rey looked at him as if she didn’t know how to say goodbye.

« You don’t want to grab a drink or something? » He asked, risking it all.  
« I don’t know if it’s a good idea. »  
« You’re in a hurry? »  
« No. »  
« So what? We’re going to see each other there every three months until the baby is born and then you’ll hand him to me two weeks a month? » He was losing his patience once more. But how could he help it?  
« I don’t know what to tell you, Ben. »

He shrugged and kicked a little rock on the ground. Nothing made sense anymore and he didn’t have the luxury to get mad at Rey if he wanted to be part of her life.

« Okay, I’ll let you text me when you need me, then. »  
« Yes. Let’s do that. »

Ben watched her go away and start her car. She had kissed him but it didn’t mean to her what it meant to him. He had to found a way to show Rey he was not afraid and he could be good to her. So instead of harassing her, he thought about little things he could do for Rey without her noticing. Ben started delivering food directly to the hospital. He’d talked to that old nurse who seemed to like him very much judging by the pressure on his cheeks every time she saw him. He gladly exchanged five minutes of cheek-pinching against her services.

Twice a week, he would come to the nurse station outside the ER and give the old nurse a paper bag with lunch-boxes inside. The lady would then deliver them to Rey saying Mr. Solo had cooked too much the night before and he didn’t want to waste anything. Another time, he brought cake with the excuse that his students had thrown a birthday party and this was the leftover. Harvard’s students weren’t celebrating birthdays in History class but Rey didn’t need to know that.

Of course, the first week, Rey had said nothing. And Ben was expecting an angry call any day. But for some reasons, she never called. She let him have this tiny thing probably because she was hungry but Ben couldn’t care less about the reason of her surrender as long as she was eating on a regular basis. But days passed and he had not seen her in the flesh since the gyno appointment. Even if Poe was reporting to him, his friend was feeling uncomfortable spying on the surgeon. And he was right, that wasn’t a normal behavior for future parents. So, one night after a long day on campus, he waited for her in front of the hospital with a paper bag filled with bagels. She came out a bit late but it didn’t matter. She was pulling her jacket on her chest, clearly not covered enough to his tastes. He observed her long legs in a black and used pair of leggings and thought she really needed new clothes.

« Hey… »  
« Ben! » She screamed in surprise. « What are you doing here? »  
« I just wanted to see you. »  
« Can’t you text me first? »  
« Like I said: I wanted to see you. If I texted you, you'd have found an excuse to avoid me. »  
« Did Poe tell you when I was off? »  
« No, I waited. »

She sighed and walked to her car.

« I thought you could come to my place and have dinner. »  
« I’m tired, Ben. »  
« And I’m tired of this situation. Please, one night. And you’ll see we can be friends. »  
« Fine. But I want McDonald’s. »

She followed him to his car, ordered half the menu at the drive-in and started devouring the fries while he was driving them to his place. When they were finally seated, her on the couch, him on the floor, and eating, he could not stop looking at her. She looked exhausted but so pretty. Actually, he thought she was becoming prettier with each day passing and felt unlucky she didn't allow him to be the witness of her transformation. After licking the salt off of her fingers, she untied her hair and shook it a little to give it a good shape and her scent covered the greasy one from the cold burgers.

« What? » Rey abruptly asked.  
« Nothing… »  
« You’re looking at me like… »  
« Like? »  
« Never mind. » She sighed, a bit annoyed.  
« I’m not ashamed of liking you, you know? I’m not an expert at sex talk but telling you how I feel is not something I want to hide. »  
« Why are you telling me this? »  
« Because you’re stuck with me, there’s nowhere for you to go without me following you. So I can say this without being scared you’ll run away. »  
« You just said something really creepy, you know that? »  
« I realize that it came out wrong but you know exactly what I mean. »

Rey finished her fries and rubbed her clothed belly. She was bigger than three weeks ago. She exhaled deeply and closed her eyes for a second, probably too tired to do anything else. Ben crawled silently to get closer and reached for her ankle. She jumped a little and looked at him, her brows knitted together. Wordlessly, he took off her old sneaker, her sock and placed her foot on his lap.

« Ben, what are you doing? I haven’t showered and I didn’t- hhhhh… »

He finally shut her up when his fingers started to work on her foot arch. She had thin feet, soft skin on the top but calloused heel and sole. After all, she spent her days standing, walking miles in the hospital and attending people’s needs. It was a miracle her feet looked this good. Maybe next time he could prepare her a warm bath with essential oils and epsom salt just like his mom used to do for herself when she was coming home after a rough day. Ben had no idea what he was doing to her, but it seemed to do the trick. She was biting her lower lip and the lines on her face slowly relaxed.

« Is it… good? » He asked with a low voice.  
« You have no idea… »

Ben smiled, happy he caught her off guard. What he could give for her to just yield and talk to him. But he wasn’t complaining or hoping for more that night. She was already out of her comfort zone and it was enough for him to believe she could open to him more in the future.

« Are you okay? I mean, are you feeling good with the pregnancy and all? » He tried.  
« I’m not gonna lie to you, it’s dreadful. I feel so tired all the time, I feel my skin, my heart pumping blood all over my body… I am so aware of everything. And even when I’m super tired I just can’t sleep early. »  
« Have you tried to talk to a doctor? I mean a specialist? » He went on, uncovering her other foot to give it the same treatment.  
« Yes I have. They say it’s normal. The first trimester is supposed to be like this and sometimes you experienced the same symptoms during the fourth month. »

Ben nodded, caressing her ankle to soothe her but she retracted her leg instantly.

« Did I hurt you? »  
« No… I’m just… I didn’t shave. »

Ben exhaled and reached for her foot again, completely ignoring her embarrassed look and massaged the bottom of her leg.

« Don’t you dare falling in love with me. » She defied him.  
« Would it be so bad to love the mother of my child? »

She smiled and called him stupid before closing her eyes to enjoy his massage. At one point, Ben realized she had fallen asleep, her head laid back and her mouth slightly open. He cleaned the table and gently carried her upstairs. She was going to hate him for it but there was no way he'd wake her up after she had just told him she had trouble sleeping. Once under the sheets, Rey moaned and frowned a little but didn’t wake up. Ben brought a bottle of water and set the alarm before leaving the room. He could sleep in his office as long as she was safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey is one of those person who could live by the saying: "we accept the love we think we deserve", isn't she? My heart aches for her and I hope you'll feel her struggles too. The dynamic is slowly shifting and even if she has a lot of work on her plate, soft boi Ben Solo is right here ♡
> 
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/adamdrivwhore) too!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They learn the hard way what it feels to need each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! 
> 
> I hope you are doing well in your quarantined life and you and your relatives are safe and healthy!  
> Here's another chapter, and I'm sorry I'm late again. This editing just takes so much time! Anyway, enough ranting, enjoy!  
> xx

When she woke up that morning, it was still dark outside and she wasn’t in her bed. She was hot, lost and really anxious: where was she? It was only when her eyes finally became accustomed to the dark that she recognized Ben’s room. But Rey was alone in the bed and still wearing her clothes. She looked at the alarm-clock glowing on the night table and sighed. She could sleep for another hour but she didn’t want to run into him for breakfast. She got up, whizzed down the stairs and cursed against the squeaky wooden floor of his charming old house. She escaped silently after slipping in her shoes he had left by the door.

Once she got out of the Uber that drove her back to the hospital she rubbed her face, still numb from the night. Rey already knew Ben was going to be disappointed she sneaked out early in the morning, but as great at this night had been, she wasn’t ready to share that moment with him, yet. He was right, she needed someone to support her and be there for her and he was doing things perfectly but she had been alone most of her life, leaning on somebody else was a new challenge she had no idea how to handle. As if things weren’t already complicated enough.

« You look good today, Johnson! »  
« Shut up, Dameron. »  
« No, I mean it. It looks like you slept. »

She walked away, her scrub already on her back and smiled thinking that she indeed had the best and most resting night for months. So, instead of acting like her usual Rey-self, she reached for her phone and typed:

« Thank you for letting me sleep last night. I needed this. Have a nice day. xx »

A text he didn’t leave unanswered for too long.

« Anytime. I’ll check on you soon. »

Instead of the formal x’s, Ben signed with real hearts emoji and Rey giggled. He was such a hopeless romantic and the new improvement she noticed first was that she wasn’t even mad about it. In fact, she realized that Ben didn’t care she wasn’t fluttering her eyelashes around him or making herself pretty for him. He was doing the job for the both of them and it was quite charming. And check on her soon, he did. At the end of the week, he was waiting for her in his car, ordained her to get in and she was so tired that she didn’t object for too long. In fact, she welcomed the warmth of his good-smelling and clean car with a sigh of relief. Her car was an old Ford filled with clothes and old boxes of cookies. It was not that she couldn’t afford a nice car, she had great paychecks at the end of each month. But since she had arrived on US soil, she didn’t have time to look for proper things.

Her apartment was small and she had kept old furnitures the last tenant had left. Her car came from craigslist because she had no time to look for a good one and with everything coming at the same time, she had not realized it had now been almost a year that she’d moved to Boston and she was still living in her boxes. That night, Ben just drove her home.

« Why did you pick me up? Now my car is at the hospital and I don’t even have food in my fridge. »  
« There’s groceries in the trunk. Now you have to come with me tomorrow. I’ll take you shopping and you’ll sleep at my place. »  
« Ben! » She protested.  
« You have no choice if you want to see your car on Monday morning. »  
« So I’ll have to sleep at your place on Sunday too? »  
« I think you’ll live. »

He winked at her and she went out, half-pissed, half-amused. He was starting to know her too well it was annoying - almost. But on Saturday afternoon, when she climbed in his car with her bag for the weekend, she was feeling good about it. She wasn’t mad at him because the simple fact that her week-end would be used for something else than trying to finally understand how her dishwasher worked. Ben drove right to a mall, silently drumming on the wheel to the sound of the Prince song playing on the radio. She would pay a lot of money to know what was happening in his mind. She studied his face and surprised herself feeling warm on the inside as if the simple sight of him was making her feel safe.

She liked every part of him, there was no denying that. From the minute she had met him at the hospital, she had been drawn to this goofy, sensitive and smart guy. She had slept with him twice and both times had been the best sex of her life. Not because Ben was extraordinary skilled - even though, she had nothing to complain about - but she felt something. He wanted to be good, acted around her as if she was precious and she’d never felt desired like this. Rey wasn’t used to this kind of behavior. For a moment, she thought about caressing his cheek but he pulled the parking brake and woke her up from her reverie. Once in the mall, they wandered around until he finally broke the silence.

« I wanted to offer you something but hm… I don’t know your tastes that much… Or your size. »  
« W-why? »  
« Because… I don’t know, do I need a reason? » He went on, annoyed by her question.  
« Yes! »  
« You’re pregnant, you’re working and nobody is supporting you for that. Here’s my reason. »  
« Nothing else? »  
« If that was the case I wouldn’t tell you. » He replied, smirking at her.

She stopped in front of an H&M. Maybe she could use a little gift, after all she was doing all the hard work.

« You know, I can buy my own clothes. »  
« Rey… I know you can. But you’re not. And I feel like you’re struggling with your… condition. Rightfully! » He added before she could object again. « It’s not ideal and I suppose that was not your childhood dream to have a kid with your fuck buddy. I just want you to feel good about yourself. You’re supposed to be happy and enjoy this. »

Rey stared at him for a moment and gently slipped her hand in his before pulling him into the store. And she could feel how happy he was pretending to be the moody boyfriend forced to shop with his girl. Soon, his arms were carrying half the pregnancy clothes available. She refused to try them on and promised to do a little fashion show at home. His face lightened so brightly when she pronounced the word « home » that she didn’t feel like reminding him it was just a figure of speech. The truth was, Ben’s place felt more like a home than her own apartment. And when they got there, she literally collapsed on the couch. Ben brought the shopping bags upstairs and she heard him trafficking something before he called her. She laboriously climbed the stairs and looked for him on the whole floor until she heard him in the bathroom.

A warm and welcoming bubbly bath was waiting for her. He had prepared her brand new pajamas, a pair of furry expensive slippers she had seen in a window but didn’t dare to ask laid on the rug and a candle lit on the edge of the tub.

« Is it… for me? »  
« Yeah… You like bath if I remember correctly. »

Rey inhaled and walked closer to Ben. She could read a sort of apprehension in his eyes, like he knew she could snap at any moment. But this weekend, she just wanted to be happy and thank him for being so patient with her.

« Thank you, I need it. »  
« I let you enjoy it, I’d be downstairs cooking dinner. »  
« Ben. » She stopped him before he walked out the door. « Can you stay with me? We’ll order something. »  
« Oh? Sure. »

Rey turned her back to him and started undressing. Naturally, she heard him turn too and he gave her time to slip in the hot water before looking at her again. The young woman sighed with relief. Her back was sore, her legs swollen but all tensions disappeared when she felt the warmth muffle her.

« Thank you for all the presents… »  
« I’m glad you accepted them. I thought maybe… When we’ll know about the gender we could… shop for baby clothes and furnitures. »  
« Hm… about that… I’ll have to find a new place to live. My apartment is a dump. I mean, it’s not that bad but for a baby… The walls are paper thin, the neighbors are going to hate me. »  
« Sure, I’ll help you. »  
« You don’t have to. »  
« Well, I would prefer you to come live with me but that’s not going to happen so I’d rather help you find a safe place. »  
« Ben… »

He kneeled in silence by the tank and gently pushed on her shoulders to make her sit. Ben grabbed a sponge and started washing her back. His touch was soft, caring but not pressuring her. She missed his hands on her but she couldn’t tell him that. When she laid back, he added some bath salts in the water and she couldn’t help but giggle at the strange sensation of the powder fuzzing against her skin.

« I don’t mean this as a marriage proposal. » He resumed their conversation. « I have an extra room where I can sleep and you could take my bedroom and stay even when the baby is there. At least until he’s able to sleep the whole night and you can have a normal life. It would be so much easier for the both of us. »  
« It wouldn’t be. »  
« Of course it would! I’d be there to take you to the hospital and once he’s born you wouldn’t be alone. I’d take care of the baby too. »  
« Ben, I don’t doubt your ability to be the perfect… whatever you want to call this. But you know that’s not what is complicated here. »  
« The only thing I know is that I put this baby before anything else. And if I have to endure you being a pain in the ass to make sure he’s safe and you’re okay, I will. »  
« I hate you. »  
« Because I’m right. »  
« Mostly. »

He smiled at her and she couldn’t help but finding him handsome, overhanging her, his arms crossed and a victory smile splitting his face in two. In fact, for a few days already, he was all she could think about. His body, his mouth on her skin, his tongue swirling around her nipples, his hips spreading her legs until it hurt, his teeth biting her earlobe, his hands… His hands brushing her ass and torturing her clit. She shivered severely, her vision completely blurred and realized she had opened her mouth and stopped working.

« Rey? You’re okay? » He asked, worried.  
« What? Yes… yes sorry I’m just tired. »

_Damn hormones._

« Maybe the bath is too hot, you should go out. I’ll order pizzas. »

She waited for him to leave the bathroom to wrap herself in a big and soft towel. Her thighs were clenching uncontrollably when flashes of him eating her out came rushing in her brain. She was screwed.

Ben closed the empty pizza box once they finished the whole thing, Rey leaving the crust untouched. She was so comfortable in her new pajamas that had great drawcords that she could adjust to her liking. The couch was swallowing her entirely, making her dizzy and sleepy. In fact, everything in Ben’s house screamed of a home. The pillows, the fluffy rug, the books, the wooden floor… It was like a grandma home but with that special Ben’s scent. And also, his stuff. He had great tastes so he had perfectly mixed those old furnitures with modern settings and decor. That was something she was incapable of doing herself.

He caught her studying her surroundings and smiled when their eyes met. They had a great day and she was thankful for his kindness. Rey had to admit it was nice to have someone to talk to, someone that would listen and take care of her. She just couldn’t stop thinking that all of this was too good to be true. Ben though, didn’t seem to think about this much and instead, he focused on her feet that he’d started to massage again. She could get used to this, especially since she was feeling heavier with each day passing.

« Can I ask you something? » He said, covering her toes with his palm.  
« Mh? »  
« Putting aside the fact that it’s with me, are you happy you’re having a baby? »

Her eyes flicked down her belly and she started rubbing it.

« Yes, I am. »  
« You don’t seem like you are and I guess I wanted to know of you still think it’s a mistake. »  
« I’m not thrilled this is how it happened but hm… I can do this. We… can do this. »

His smile was spreading from one ear to the other and she knew she had made him very happy even after acknowledging this whole situation was a mess.

« Do you know when was it? I mean, when did we conceive? »  
« I don’t… Probably the second time. »  
« Oh… That was a good time. I mean, they both were but out of the two I’d pick the second time. »  
« Why? » She chuckled.  
« I don’t know, I was more prepared and… I did stuff to you and you seemed to enjoy them. »

His words, the memory of his hands on her combined with the redness staining his skin was too much already. Rey shivered and felt her nipples hardening all at once. And Ben seemed to notice because his eyes fell on her chest and his cheeks flushed even more. His mighty hands were still taking care of her foot, enveloping her whole ankle and she remembered how good it was to be held by his strong arms. He cleared his throat and did something Rey wasn’t prepared to hear.

« You know… I read that sex can help during pregnancy. »  
« Oh really? » She replied, her voice way too high-pitched for her liking.  
« Yes. They say it can help with the tension, and the stress and also that… During the second trimester women tend to feel everything more intensely. »  
« Oh, they say that where? »  
« On… the internet. » He finished shamefully.  
« What kind of research have you done Ben? »  
« I don’t… I just wanted to know how I could be helpful! » He defended himself.  
« By fucking me? »  
« No! I didn’t… I mean yes. Or you could help yourself or… »  
« I can ask another man. » She said bluntly.  
« What? No! » Ben objected firmly.  
« No? »  
« You’re not gonna have sex with another man! »  
« Why? » She was having too much fun toying with him.  
« Because you’re pregnant with MY baby. And I don’t… I know it’s not a good reason but I don’t want you to have sex with another man. I’m right here. »

He was too cute, Rey thought. His eyes were shiny, his cheeks blushing under her gaze but he wasn’t avoiding it. In fact, him standing for himself and claiming her as his territory were the hottest things she had ever seen.

« Okay. »  
« Okay? »  
« I won’t have sex with another man. »  
« Thank you, I guess. »

He resumed his massage and she stretched her limbs, brushing his crotch with her heel, on purpose. But he said nothing. Even when she did it again and she could feel he was starting to get hard under his jeans. She wanted to have sex and not with a stranger. Rey wanted him, but not be the one to ask for it.

« What are you doing? » He asked when she started cupping her breasts.  
« Just measuring them, see how they grow. »  
« We should have bought you new bras already. »  
« What? Ben, are you watching my boobs grow? »  
« I told you, I think they’re great and I see your body changing. So, yes we should have bought new bras. »

Rey bit her lip. Was it wrong to get horny with this pregnancy-body talk. Because the fact that he was paying attention to every little detail involving her, and not just the tiny human growing inside of her, was definitively hot.

« You’re not wrong, though. »  
« In what way? »  
« I feel everything… more. »

Ben stopped pulling on her toes and looked at her. Rey was slowly unbuttoning her night shirt, watching him opening his mouth as the fabric slowly parted on her boiling skin. Neither of them was believing what was happening. She shivered when the cold air brushed her chest and he swallowed harshly. She had not felt very sexy since the whole pregnancy thing had started but when his eyes fell on her bare skin, she forgot everything.

Ben was already up, grabbing her to bring her upstairs, carrying her like she was some fragile bride. But she wasn’t complaining. In fact, she was already nuzzling at his neck. It took him less than a minute to get them both naked and hold her body close to his, both of them laid on their sides. She wanted him on top but she realized he would probably be way too big and heavy for her new condition. “What a shame.” She thought. His hand swallowed her whole breast, awakening brand new sensations. She liked when men were taking care of her tits but this was new, more intense, especially when he was pinching her nipple with just the right amount of delicate pressure. Rey wrapped her leg around him to feel his strong body against hers and his cock against her stomach. She wanted him so much.

« Fuck, you’re so wet. » He muffled when his fingers found her pussy already asking to be filled.  
« Mh… I need it. »

After a few minutes of torture, his knuckles were working inside her, stretching her, massaging her walls while his palm was vibrating against her clit. It was so satisfying to have his large hand there while his mouth was licking and biting her neck, jaw and lips. She was abandoning herself to his mercy. Troubled by these new sensations, Rey was struggling to jerk him off. Her sight blurred as his finger curled right where it was so itchy and she cried against his mouth, waving against him. She was so close, he had to do something.

« Ben… Please, fuck me. » She begged.

She wanted to turn around and let him spoon her but he stopped her and kissed her eagerly.

« Soon, I won’t be able to look at you in the eyes when we’ll make love. Stay like this. »

Her orgasm depended on him and she wasn’t going to shame him for being so sweet now. Especially when the tip of his hardened cock was already stroking her entrance. He lifted her just a little so their body could align and he could thrust in and out without hurting her. And his hands were so delicate compared to the obscene things his dick was doing to her that she didn’t know how it was possible she had not come yet.

Rey didn’t know if it was the pregnancy but his shaft seemed even bigger now. And it kind of hurt a little, like a burning sensation, nothing she was used to. Ben sensed that she was tensing because he stopped moving and kissed her gently.

« Are you okay? »  
« Yeah- Hm, not really, it just feels a bit painful. »  
« I’m gonna-»  
« Don’t! » She shouted when she felt him getting out of her. « I’ll be okay, I think my body is just a bit sensitive. »  
« Rey, we’re not going to have sex if it hurts you. What if it could hurt the baby too? »  
« Ben, I’m fine. » She giggled. « And the baby won’t feel a thing. »  
« You’re sure about this? » He asked, clearly worried.  
« Yes, I am. » She answered with a soft voice and sealed their lips together.

She just needed a little bit more time to adjust to him and to feel something inside her again. He looked at her in the eyes, his hand molded on the side of her face and let it travel down to her cunt. She moaned in despair when his knuckles started to circle her clit as his lips were playing with her ear. She forgot the burning sensation, obsessed by everything he was doing to her. Ben resumed his thrusting but slower this time. She could feel every inch of him coming in and out of her body, massaging her insides, trembling inside her. She hold his biceps to feel how tensed he was for restraining himself and supporting half of his weight so he would not hurt her. She had forgotten how handsome he looked naked. Rey rolled on her back and spread her legs to give him more access. Suddenly, his eyes were everywhere on her while his body was buried deep inside her thighs.

« Ben, oh fuck… »

His hips were now moving more roughly against her, his mouth around her nipple and his hand rubbing her clit just like she needed it. Rey had never thought pregnancy sex could be this good. Her whole body was covered with chills, stars were dancing around them and her skin was so hot and damp she already knew she had ruined Ben’s sheets. But he wasn’t in a better state. In fact, he had now his head buried in her neck and she could hear him moan like never before. Her body released the sweet and brutal waves or her orgasm when he cried her name right against her damp temple. As much as she tried, Rey couldn’t keep the loud grunt to escape her mouth.

She clenched her thighs when Ben tried to pull out again and looked at him in the eyes while he finished himself inside of her. She was tired, lazily spreading her legs for him, her sight blurred but happy and satisfied. His dick was massaging her and sending the last bits of her orgasm through every muscles and nerves. When he finally came, she welcomed the now harmless warm gush with a smile, watching his face go still for a long second and relax before he fell on his back.

They stayed silent for a long moment, enjoying the remains of their embrace, catching their breath and letting their body cool out a bit. She let him put his large hand on her bump, clearly visible when she was lying naked. The warmth of his skin felt really good on her tight skin and she closed her eyes for a moment.

« Rey, I- »  
« Shhh… Don’t say a word. »

Rey didn’t want to hear what she already knew. He liked her. Maybe even loved her. But she wasn’t prepared for that. She didn’t want to give him a chance because if it didn’t work, she wasn’t alone now. It was her responsibility to provide a safe and stable environment. And if her kid started with two separated parents it would be better than to see them fight until they break up. Ben said nothing but kissed her temple and sat on the bed. She reached for him and landed her hand on his back.

« You can stay. »  
« Why? »  
« I just want you there tonight. Is it okay? »

He tuck them both under the heavy blanket and watched her roll on her side with a sigh. She didn’t know why she wanted him here but not to cuddle, she just knew he had to be there. She had not liked waking up alone in that bed the last time she slept there and besides, it was his bed, they just had sex in it. Rocked by his sleepy breath, she let slumber take her in less than 10 minutes with the thought that she wasn’t and never would be alone again.

But something got her out of sleep. The room was dark and she was feeling a bit cold now that her skin had cooled down. Every sore muscle in her body was aching and coming with a pasty mouth and heavy eyes. She looked at the alarm-clock and sighed. It was 3 in the morning, she had no reason to be already awake. That’s when she felt it, the thing that woke her up in the first place. Something had moved inside of her. It was light, completely different from the bubbles she was usually experiencing, almost imperceptible but it was there.

She rolled on the other side and grabbed Ben’s arm. He was deeply asleep, not moving an inch but she had to wake him up so she started to climb on his back and bite his shoulder because she didn’t know how to normally wake up this big tree of a man. When he finally realized she was trying to communicate he slowly turned to her, his eyes half-opened and wrapped his arms around her. She smiled watching him being so cute when he was half conscious and kissed him slowly. He growled and smiled.

« What? » He asked with his hoarse voice.

Instead of answering, she put his palm against her belly right where she had felt the light kick and waited a moment. Ben was already going back to sleep but his eyes suddenly opened when another kick hit her from the inside.

« Did you feel it? » She whispered as if it was secret. But in a way, it was their own secret and intimate moment.  
« I did! Oh my God, is it what I think it is? »  
« Yes! Oh, he moved a little I think. »  
« Where?! » Ben was already looking all around her stomach to feel the baby moving.

Rey giggled noticing his smile expending when he found him a bit lower on her abdomen.

« Oh… But the doctor said he was still super small. »  
« Yes but they really start moving early. »

Ben slided under the sheets and started to kiss her stomach and whisper stuff to it. She slowed her breath down and stopped moving to hear what he was saying.

« I love you baby. I love you so much already… »

Rey bit her lip and brushed Ben’s hair. He was probably saying everything she wasn’t allowing him to tell her and even if she was the one to set up the rules, she felt sad about it.

****

After spending the whole weekend with Rey, Ben was looking at the future with a brighter eye. He had not won the war against her reluctance but at least she was allowing him to be close to her and take care of her needs. If she was resigned to never look at him as her partner, at least she was going to be safe because he will be there for Rey. He knew now that after two days with him she’d probably need some space so he didn’t insist on seeing her again. Ben was certain that if she needed him she would call. And besides, he still had to go to work.

He had not said to anyone he was going to be a father. Poe was the only one knowing the secret because he had noticed it but otherwise… Rey wouldn’t want him to spread the news. On campus, Ben didn’t have many friends. There was Gwen who was the dean of his department and Armie Hux who was another History professor and with whom he liked to hang out sometimes. But none of them knew Ben’s private life. Sharing this with Rey was a bit lonely, if he had to be honest.

He also had to find a way to convince her he could tell the news to his parents. He had not been close to them during his teenage years but now that he was an adult, things were slowly calming down. Heated arguments with his dad had stopped when he found a job and his mom wasn’t treating him like a kid anymore. They had the right to know. And Ben knew they would love Rey. But how could he tell them he was going to have a kid with a woman that didn’t want to be with him? That was another story.

He could already hear Han making fun of him, his clumsy and awkward son. Ben had felt so different from his dad his whole life, he didn’t want to give him another reason to mock him. And Leia would probably rally to Rey, consenting to the fact that he was not ready to be a father. But the truth was that he was more than ready. When Rey had admitted it was his baby it had filled him with so much joy he had forgotten the lies and the rejections. Ben couldn’t rejoice the way he’d want to because of the whole situation but there was nothing more important to him than his child and his beautiful Rey. And she had to accept it.

But after a week without any news, Ben called Poe to make sure everything was fine before annoying the hand surgeon.

« Benjamin, my man how are you? »  
« How can you be always so… you? » He grunted.  
« You love me like that Benny. What can I do for you? »  
« My mom is asking if you’re coming on Christmas Day with your folks. »  
« Of course we are, as always. You know you can’t welcome baby Jesus without me Solo. »  
« Shut up. »  
« I love you too, baby. »  
« Anyway, how’s Rey? She didn’t say a thing for a week and you know how she is when I insist… »  
« Oh, she didn’t call you? »  
« What? Why was she supposed to call me? » Ben asked, the hand holding his phone covering in sweat. He had a bad feeling about this.

Poe sighed and Ben thought he was about to explode.

« She’s okay but she had a little… moment »  
« What do you mean? Dameron, I’m gonna burn your stupid curly hair. »  
« She’s working too much and she had a little pressure drop. She’s okay, Ben. The chief sent her home. »  
« When? »  
« Hm… It was last Friday. I think she’s supposed to come back next Monday. But she’ll probably be there earlier since she doesn’t want to stop. »

After hanging up, Ben felt his blood boiling through his veins. He couldn’t believe Rey would work until exhaustion and not tell him. She was probably alone, eating her stupid instant noodles. He was standing there like an idiot, in the middle of Campus, unaware she was in trouble. He dialed her number, ready to fight her for once. Her sleepy voice answered him.

« Rey? Fuck! You’re alive! I’m glad to know that! »  
« Ben? Can you not call me to scream? »  
« No I can’t! I fucking can’t when you’re putting me through this over and over again. » He spat, not recognizing his own voice.  
« What do you mean? »  
« I know you fainted, Rey. And you know how I know? Because I called your colleague to make sure you were okay because if I don’t, you don’t talk to me. And if I ask you myself you’re telling me to back off. I’m sick of this, Rey. »  
« I’m fine, why are you so mad? I’m resting now. »  
« Yes, for three days and then what? You’re gonna go back to work and do the same all over again? And I’m supposed to watch and let you do that? »

On the other side of the line, Rey had gone silent. Ben was so mad he could punch a wall right now. She was endangering his baby and he was not going to let her do it.

« You’re fucking unconscious, that’s what you are. And you’re selfish. »  
« You’re done? »  
« No I’m not. I haven’t done nothing but support you and you’re shutting me out. This I can take, but not when it comes to the baby. »  
« Ben, the baby is fine. Please, stop yelling! I just had a little moment, but it won’t happen again, I promise. »  
« Why didn’t you call me?! »  
« Because I knew you were going to act exactly like that! You’re too worried, things like that happen! »  
« Oh, sorry for caring more about you than you do about yourself, Rey. Sorry for being worried because you tell me shit about our baby. You hear that, Rey? Ours. It means you and I. »  
« If I knew you were going to be such a pain in the ass, I wouldn’t have told you. »  
« You know what? If you’re so good by yourself, let’s just do that. I’m done. »

He hung up on her. His whole body was shaking with anger and anxiety. He couldn’t believe she had pushed him to the point he would tell her to go off. He sat in his car and stayed still for a moment. He wasn’t sure what to do now. Call her and apologize? Wait until they both calmed down? Send her flowers? Nothing looked like the right answer for now, he was too angry.

Their fight was taking the whole space in his brain. He wasn’t eating, reading or even watching TV anymore. Since the call, Ben had not stopped thinking about their words. She had been a bitch but he had not restrained himself either. And knowing her, she would never make the first step. But he was profoundly hurt by her attitude. Ben felt used, manipulated and unwanted. Maybe his effort to get closer to Rey were unnecessary and stupid. Maybe they should do just as she had asked him: together but separately.

Ben knew her next gyno appointment was coming next week and she had promised they would at least be together to check on the baby. So, she would reach out to him at some point. She was entering her fifth month of pregnancy and this was an important moment for the both of them. They were going to know if the baby was a boy or a girl for a start. Christmas was dangerously approaching and he still had not talked to his parents but given the situation, it would take a miracle for things to settle down.

Days passed and still no sign of her. He had work to do on campus and at home but it was getting more and more difficult to focus since he was worried. But he had to make his point valid. He couldn’t go back to her once again and be her lapdog. He loved her, there was no doubt, but that didn’t give her the right to treat him the way she had lately. He just wished she could see how great they were when she let him in. They could talk about anything, debate and learn from each other. It had never been this easy for Ben with anyone else but Rey. Except when she was shutting him out.

The professor waited day and night for her call or a simple text indicating the time of her appointment but nothing came. For a week and a half she ignored him. In seven days exactly he’d have to be seated at his mother’s table and pretend everything was going fine with his life while the woman he loved was probably all alone in her small apartment, carrying his child and acting like he didn’t even existed. He was about to turn the light on his night table off when his phone started buzzing. Her name appeared on the screen and he had never answered someone this fast.

« Rey?! »

Ben heard nothing but sniffles and choked sounds on the other side of the line. He called her several times but when he realized she was sobbing, he jumped on his feet and started to look for his sneakers. His heart was thumping loudly in his ears, he couldn’t think straight or even see shit, blinded by fear.

« Rey? What’s wrong? Please tell me, I’m coming now. Do I have to call an ambulance? Rey! »

She was still uncontrollably crying on the phone and between two coughs she articulated:

« I j-just need you to come. P-please. »  
« I’m on my way baby. Stop crying, I’m coming. »

Ben made sure she heard him well and ran to his car. He wasn’t going fast enough and snow had started to fall on the city that night. The road was slippery and he had to stay focus on the wheels if he wanted to find Rey in one piece. The sounds of her sobbing were echoing in his brain and not knowing what was going on with her was worse than anything he could imagine. It was his fault. He shouldn’t have left her alone for so long. He should have forced her to talk to him.

He didn’t wait for the elevator and climbed the stairs like a maniac, trying to find the right floor and the right door on the first try. He had never been at Rey’s but she had given him the details once so he could come if there was an emergency. That building was crap. Not actual crap, but not what his baby mama deserved. Once he arrived, he knocked fiercely, his breath short and his skin covered with a thin layer of cold sweat from the race and the fear. If she didn’t come faster, he could smash the door open and have no regret about it.

She opened her door and looked at him, her face still red and wet from the weeping. He could read the guilt in her eyes, her hair undone, a stain on her large t-shirt molded on her round belly and her naked legs shivering. There was no blood or anything weird. He entered without a word. It had been more than two week that he had not seen her and she was bigger and also more beautiful than ever. Ben carried her to the tiny couch and looked around for a blanket he found on the floor. The place was a mess. He knew Rey was kind of a slob but it just seemed like she didn’t have any bit of energy to clean the place for weeks. Now wasn’t the time to shame her for that, though.

« Hey… I’m here. » He said, trying to reassure her by taking her small hand. « What happened? »  
« I’m just… so lonely. » She cried again, her face torn by sadness.

Ben couldn’t stand watching her like that and he lifted her up so he could sit and have her on his lap. Her body was melting against his chest, her eyes damping his night t-shirt but he couldn’t care less. He rocked her slowly, brushing her hair and hoping it would make her feel better.

« I’m here, Rey. »  
« You said you were done. » She sniffled.  
« What? Did you really think I meant it? »  
« I don’t know… Yo-you didn’t call me back after. »  
« Well I… I wanted you to call me too. I thought you were going to do it for your appointment… I’m sorry Rey but… you hurt me. »

Her cries intensified, her face hidden behind a curtain of hair and her hands fisting on her eyes. He tried to stop her from hurting herself but she seemed hysterical. So Ben hugged her tight, nuzzled her head and rocked her for a long moment until she was so exhausted the sobbing stopped and she was finally resting against him, her limbs soft and shivering from the effort.

« I’m sorry. » She finally said blankly.  
« It’s alright… I’m here now. »  
« I’ve been a bitch to you and you’re still here, taking care of me. »  
« How stupid of me, uh? »  
« I don’t want to do this alone. »

He wrapped her two hands in one of his and kissed them.

« You’re not going to do this alone, I’m here every step of the way. »

She was completely silent now, dried tears on her red cheeks, lied down on her side, her head on his lap, her mouth against his stomach and nuzzling the soft skin above the elastic of his sweatpants.

« Can I ask you a question? » He said, breaking the silence.  
« Mh… »  
« Do you… like me, at all? »

He saw her eyes flicked at him for a second and returning to study his stomach. She swallowed and answered:

« I like you. »  
« Why are you rejecting me, then? »  
« Because… I’m scared. »  
« I know that… But what are you afraid of? »  
« That you won’t like me back. »  
« Rey, I already do. I love you. »

This time, she was looking at him and sitting to face him. His hand landed on her cheek, his thumb brushing her lower lip. She was so beautiful it hurt.

« I love you. » He said again.  
« You just love the fact that I’m carrying the baby. »  
« No. I love you since you stitched my hand and made me cry for it. »

She giggled timidly and hid her face in the crook of his neck. Ben let her do it, feeling she might be more comfortable when he couldn’t see her.

« I’ve never been loved before. » She whispered. « Nobody ever loved me. My parents abandoned me when I was five and since then I’ve been living in different foster families until no one wanted a teenage girl. So I went to a foster home with other kids nobody loved either. I was five when they got rid of me so… I always thought that, you know, they… they didn’t like what they saw... what I was. If my parents couldn’t love me how could you? »  
« Rey… » He tightened his grip around her.  
« I remember them, you know? They said that I was too young to remember, but five isn’t that young. None of the foster families wanted to keep me either so I thought there must be something wrong with me. Something I couldn’t see and making me unlovable. Then, I met a guy in med school, I fell in love and I thought things would be alright. But it didn’t. It wasn’t a horrible story but he just didn’t love me the way I loved him. And now, all I can think about is the fact that my baby is not going to love me because there is nothing to love in me. »

Rey bursted in tears again. Ben didn’t know what do or say to soothe her but it felt like she needed to cry. He was just sitting there, kissing her face, whispering gentle words to her ear, caressing her back and wiping tears off her cheeks. Her confession had been painful for him to hear but he couldn’t imagine how rough life had been for her. He understood why she was so insecure and wished she would know that her body wasn't the only thing she had to offer, at least not to him. When she finally calmed down, he laid her down and went to the kitchen to prepare some tea. She welcomed the hot cup with a sad smile.

« Oh gosh, I must look awful. »  
« No, you’re the most beautiful girl the world. »

She shook her head and sipped on the fuming drink.

« Rey, I know you don’t want to believe me when I say it but I could throw myself under a bus if that was the only way to prove you that I love you. And that’s what you’re making feel from day one. You never wanted me to say it to you but it’s true. And even if one day for some reasons there’s no more of this, I will always love you somehow. »  
« I just don’t want to allow myself to believe it and listen to my heart and then… have everything taken away from me. »

Ben kneeled between her legs and uncovered her belly to kiss it. He had missed her bump, her pregnancy smell, the softness of her skin.

« You got to take the risk, babe. » He whispered, still very close to her stomach.  
« It’s really tough, Ben. »  
« I know. I don’t blame you. »  
« But I want to be happy. And I want you to be happy too. » She added, tears filling up her eyes.  
« Please don’t cry. Rey, you’re making me a father, I’m happy. Okay? We’re gonna have a perfect baby, you and me. And it’s going to be fine even if you don’t marry me. »  
« You… You want to marry me? » She asked, chuckling between tears.  
« Of course. A long white dress, a veil, a huge cake… »  
« A lemon cake… »  
« Whatever you want. »

Ben would like this moment to last forever. Rey was smiling, she was finally accepting the fact that they could be a thing and it was making her happy. He sat back on the couch to kiss her gently. He knew she still had a long road ahead of her to trust him fully, but he was ready for the ride.

« I know you don’t want to live at my place but… We could try for Christmas. Hear me out… I don’t teach for three weeks during Christmas break. You could come with your stuff and we’ll see if we can manage. You’ll be at the hospital during the day and I have things to do for my classes anyway. »  
« Why not… »  
« I’m glad you’re… taking this new step. I hate to know you’re alone here. »  
« I hate it here too. »

Ben looked around him and sighed.

« You still have boxes there, Rey.  
« I know, I didn’t have time to unpack. »  
« But it’s been a year. »  
« What can I tell? I’m this lazy. »  
« There’s something else. I’m going to my parents’ on the 25th and maybe- »  
« I don’t know, it’s a bit much. »  
« Just let me finish. We do our own Christmas on the 24th, just you, me and your little bump. » She smiled when he bent to kiss her stomach again. « And we go to my mom’s the next day for lunch. Poe is going to be there, he’s gonna introduce his new boyfriend, you won’t be the only stranger at the table. »  
« But, what do we tell them? »  
« Whatever you want. I just can’t hide this from my parents any longer. We don’t have to tell them we’re together if you’re not ready. »

Ben was kind of hoping she would say they were - in fact - together, but she did none of this. She just looked very uncomfortable at the idea of meeting his parents. But he knew exactly what would change her opinion.

« My mom will probably show you all my youth pictures. Even the ones where I’m running naked in the garden chased by our dog Chewie. »

Rey giggled and rested her head on his shoulder.

« Maybe, I can meet your parents… and stay at your place for Christmas. But you have to promise that you trust me when I tell you I can work. »  
« I promise you. »

This time, she was the one to give him a kiss and press her two hands on his chest like a needy kid. He carried her to her room and undressed her so she could change her dirty night shirt but instead, she lied down in her panties and pulled him on the bed too. He stayed over the blanket, spooning her, his arms tightly wrapped around her.

« You can come with me in the bed, you know. »  
« I just want you to be sure. »  
« I am. »

Ben got rid of his own pajamas and slides under the sheets to find her warm skin and her delicious smell. Their hands knitted on her stomach and the baby seemed to feel it because he kicked right under their palms.

« Mh…I missed this. » He said, kissing her nape.  
« You didn’t ask. »  
« What? »  
« What it was. »  
« You know? » He asked, eagerly.  
« Yes. » She replied with a smile in her voice.  
« Tell me! » He forced her to turn around a little and reiterated his question while she was mocking his pressed look. « Rey! I’ve been dying to know! »  
« It’s a boy. »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading guys!! I hope you still like the story and the development of their relationship. We're coming to the cute part!
> 
> Few things I'd like to say before you close this page:  
> It has come to my (and lots of other writers) attention that we, as reylos and mostly women, can't handle a flawed Rey. I have read MANY fan fictions where Ben is described as an asshole, a jerk, a violent guy, sometimes a rapist and somehow, he's always forgiven for his actions. Rey, on the other hand, as no other choice but to be perfect.  
> It really pains me to have to state this here again: women are allowed to make mistakes. They're not mean or cruel because they're not perfect. Women do not owe anything to men because they are nice. We do not reward a fish because it can swim.
> 
> I understand some of you guys might not understand or like the direction this fiction is taking and I respect that. I'm not writing all fluff stories, not because I don't like them, but because I can't. I like to write stuff that feels real to me. I won't apologize if you think this doesn't match your expectations on how life, love, parenthood should be described. It doesn't mean I'm right and you're wrong, it's just another point of view. It really is okay if you're not comfortable with the story and decide to stop reading it and I'm really happy to discuss your thoughts and answer your questions, but I won't let anyone disrespect Rey for not being perfect. None of us is and I like to think that flawed characters are as able to find happiness as anybody else, even if they have to work for it. Isn't it the point of Star Wars?
> 
> Anyway, I don't want to sound mad but we should all be kinder to female characters and women in general.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas time! Santa might bring something cute this year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!
> 
> Another week social distancing, another chapter for you guys! I'm glad you're joining me on this adventure! Thank you for leaving kudos, commenting, sharing it on twitter, you guys are the best!  
> Also, big shout out to [starcrossreylo](https://twitter.com/starcrossreylo) who did this perfect moodboard, thank you so much 🥰  
> Anyway, let's dive in!

[ ](https://servimg.com/view/11189626/1368)

It had been three days since she had decided to move at Ben’s and she had to say it wasn’t that bad. In fact, his house was not far from the hospital, there was enough room for the both of them and he had almost ignored her the whole time she had been here. He was locked in his office, marking copies while she was downstairs watching TV. She had gone back to work for a few days, checked on her current patients, before taking the whole Christmas week to rest, still feeling tired from the past month. And the face he had given her when she had announced him she was taking a break had been priceless.

Ben was in his office for four hours now and she had to be honest with herself: she was a bit bored when he wasn’t around. She had looked in his library, in the drawers of the table in the living room, even read the parenting magazines he had bought but now she was back on the couch, alone and bored. So she climbed the stairs and knocked timidly on his door. When he let her come in, she surprised him in the middle of work, his glasses giving him that very serious look… and incredibly attractive too.

« Hey… »

He lifted his head up and welcomed her with a smile, stretched his arms as he pushed back the long lock of hair falling on his forehead.

« You’ve been here for a long time. »  
« Yeah, I’d like to finish this so I can enjoy Christmas Day and not worry about this. »  
« I wondered if… » She sat on his desk, her legs hanging without touching the floor. « If you’d like to come buy a Christmas tree with me…? »

Ben grabbed her ankles and put them on his lap, a soft smile blooming on his face.

« I’ve never had a Christmas tree here, so if that makes you happy… »  
« It’s just that we used to have one at the foster home and it wasn’t very pretty because we’d make the ornaments ourselves. And then, I only had tiny apartments so… »  
« I tell you what, I finish this and then I take you out for lunch and Christmas shopping. »

Rey smiled and left him alone. She was finally comfortable enough to ask for things she thought she didn’t deserve before. And seeing Ben be happy about it made her feel great too. The fact that he knew she was an orphan raised in terrible conditions and never mentioned it himself was comforting her in her choice to tell him. He was listening to her when she needed to but wasn’t seeing her differently. She was still Rey, the strong surgeon, the girl he loved. So, when they were finally in the big field behind the department store to find the perfect Christmas tree, Rey couldn’t find the right words to describe the joy she was feeling. The firs were of all shapes and colors and Ben was walking around, his brow frowned and his mouth pouted with a serious look on his face.

« Maybe we should take this one. » He said, pointing at a very tall one and she winced. « What? It looks okay! »  
« I don’t like it too tall, I can’t touch the top. »  
« Okay, how about this one? »  
« Too large. »  
« You’re picky. »  
« It’s my first Christmas tree, I want it to be perfect. »

He smiled and wrapped his arms around her from behind. Rey rubbed his gloved hands and sniffled from the cold.

« It’s gonna snow soon, you might want to choose quickly. We still have to buy ornaments. »  
« Okay… Then I want this one. » She pointed at a medium, very leafy and dark green tree.

Ben kissed her cheek and asked one of the gardners to attach it on the roof of the car after he paid for it. In the next store, Rey couldn’t stop filling her cart with garlands, bows and angels. She was going for a traditional red, green and gold Christmas tree. Ben was pushing the cart, listening to everything she was saying without objecting. Once she felt satisfied she looked at everything she had chosen and bit her lip.

« I might have gone a little crazy. »  
« You think? » He giggled.  
« I’m gonna sort this out. We have other things to buy this year. »  
« Hey… We’ll just take everything. I don’t have anything to decorate the house anyway, we’ll keep everything for the years to come. It’s an investment. »  
« You’re sure? »  
« Of course. Next year our budget is going to be only for the little one so… We might as well treat ourselves one last time. »

Rey thought she had not smiled like that for months. Sure, the bill had been a bit painful, she had insisted on splitting the price in two, but now that she was decorating her first own tree with these gorgeous ornaments, she knew it was worth it. Ben was very neat when it came to these stuff and he taught her exactly how to hang everything so the result would be symmetrical and harmonious. It looked like one of those 5 stars hotels Christmas tree Rey had been ecstatic about that one time she went to London in December. In Ben’s old house it felt like the Christmas celebration she always wished she had.

Ben hung the wreath outside and lit up the garlands as Rey sat on the rug, marveled by the lights flashing in front of her. He joined her, his back against the table and pulling Rey between his legs, his hands immediately landing on her bump. Rey smiled, printing this scene behind her lids to keep it close to her heart every time she’d need to find her happy place again. Ben had been perfect. He wasn’t rushing anything, pressuring her but he was treating like the 8th Wonder.

« I haven’t told you but hm… People from the hospital gave me a Christmas present. »  
« Oh, they did? »

Rey was nervously playing with his fingers. She recalled her last day of work before her Christmas break when she had entered the on-call room and they had all yelled « surprise! ». She had been scared and moved but her reserved nature had restrained her from crying in front of everyone. Poe, her knight in shining armor, had casted her aside pretending he had something important related to one of her patients to tell her. Some nurses, Wexley and Beaumont, Kaydel and few other interns she was tutoring… They had all been there with balloons in their hands, a cake with a blue icing and a big congratulations banner. She had not realized she mattered for so many people.

« Did you organize this? Or Ben? » She asked Poe, hiding her shiny eyes.  
« Actually, no. Kaydel did. She really admires you. »  
« But how… do they know that it’s a boy and everything? »  
« She asked me, I asked Ben. But he told me he didn’t want to be involved in this little party because you would be mad at him. So, I let Connix do the work. You’re happy? »  
« Yes… I have to thank her and everyone. »

Poe had hugged her briefly and had gathered everyone around the cake to eat. She had been feeling so strange during the party, as if they were all giving her more importance than she really deserved. And when Kaydel had handed her the fancy envelope, she had not been able to hold back her tears.

« Don’t pretend you don’t know, I know you do. But thank you for not being involved when you knew I needed space. » She knitted their fingers and inhaled deeply. « They offered me a coupon for a couple massage… and I wanted to know if you wanted to come with me. »  
« Hm… yeah, sure. But you know, you can go with a friend if you’re being uncomfortable sharing this with me. »  
« No, I want to do it with you. I mean, it’s your gift too, as the father you deserve to be treated well too. »  
« Thanks, then. I would really like to go with you. »

Rey smiled and shifted her head just so she could kiss him gently on the lips. He answered with a delicate push on her mouth, his large hand finding her jaw and covering it all. She didn’t know if that was the effect of her hormones or the fact that she really liked him but being there in his arms was making everything better. Coiled in his arms, with the fresh scent of the tree right under her nose, she started to wonder about their future together.

« Aren’t you afraid of being a dad? »  
« I’m terrified. But I always knew I wanted kids. And you? »  
« I didn’t even think about it before. I was so caught up with med school, then the hospital and just… surviving. »  
« Why did you leave the UK? »  
« Nothing was holding me back. I had no one, just bad memories. »

Ben tightened his grip around her and it felt like her body completely melted in his. Every angle and curve fitted just right.

« It’s over now. You’re here, with me. »  
« You… I still need time to adjust to things, to us… I hope you know that. »  
« I know. You are making sure I do. But whatever you are trying to convince yourself we are, you know we’re more than that. »  
« Are you going to sleep in your office tonight? »  
« Yes. That’s what we said I’ll do. »  
« But, it’s your bedroom, your house. »  
« Remember when I said I put your welfare first? I still do. »

He kissed her cheek and walked to the kitchen to start making dinner. Rey sat on the couch and yawned. She liked sleeping with Ben, though. That last time in her apartment had been so soothing she had thought he would sleep with her every night. But she knew it was unfair to impose her rules and change them whenever she wanted. She did not think he would keep his promises so well. Ben was everything she was not. And he still loved her.

« I don’t like sleeping alone here. » She ranted while chewing her chicken breast when they were seated.  
« Why? »  
« The bed’s too big for one person. »  
« I could buy you a pregnancy pillow. »  
« Ben, don’t make beg for it. You’re my pregnancy pillow. »

He had said nothing but when she went to sleep after watching her favorite cooking show, she found him asleep in the bed, a book still open on his chest and his glasses falling from his nose. She tucked him under the sheets and pulled his arm around her so his body would shelter her from the outside. The sheets smelled better when he was here anyway.

On the morning of December 24th, Rey had woken up early and went grocery shopping. Ben was still asleep when she had left the comfort and warmth of his bed but she wanted to do something special for him. Living with the professor had led her to meet a brand new side of her personality: she wanted to provide a safe and welcoming home for the both of them. It wasn’t something she was used to, but Rey had never knew someone who would place her needs before theirs and create a home for her. If Ben could love her, she could be a housewife for a day. Plus, she wanted to find something for his parents she was supposed to meet the day after.

The simple thought of it made her sick to her stomach but they couldn’t reasonably have a kid without telling his family. And since she had no family of her own, it was a completely new territory for Rey. When she parked in Ben’s alley, he immediately came to help her carry the paper bags, harassing her with blames for not waiting for him. He stopped when she shut him up with a kiss. And his sulking face transformed in one of those moronic smile he had every time she was doing something sweet - which wasn’t very often.

Rey wasn’t a cook, not like Ben. She didn’t know fancy food and she had never prepared a Christmas dinner but she was willing to try. She pushed Ben out of the kitchen and spent the entire day chopping, smashing and roasting food with the radio on. And she found pleasure in it. While the sponge cake she had prepared was baking in the oven, she looked for recipes for babies and scrolled down the screen of her iPad. Soups, mashes, juices, fruits sauces… Maybe she could do that too. She already knew Ben would.

A knock on the door surprised her.

« It smells very good, can I come in? »  
« Yes! Please, I need you. »

Ben smiled when he saw the mess she had done in his kitchen. Peelings of vegetables, dirty knives, strainer… she had been out of control. But Ben didn’t seem to mind helping her clean up and stealing a chocolate candy from the bowl. While he was washing the dishes he said:

« I put your presents under the tree. »  
« Oh, fuck I haven’t wrapped mine! »  
« You have presents for me? I thought we were going to the massage thing together. »  
« That’s the hospital gift, I made you gifts too, silly. » She chuckled.  
« Thank you… »  
« You don’t even know what is it yet. »  
« I’m already set for this christmas. » He affirmed, looking at her and then her stomach. « Everything you’ll give will be perfect. »  
« Stop being so good to me! » She pinched his arm and slipped away. « I’m gonna wrap my presents!! »

Rey sucked at wrapping presents but she couldn’t help an hysterical laugh to escape her mouth when she looked at Ben’s perfect boxes and her rags. At least, they were great representative of their personalities. When they were finally done with the preparation of their christmas night, they both crashed on the couch and exhaled deeply. Rey was tired of standing on her feet, bent on the workplan, Ben was rubbing his temples from working all day on his classes and enduring Rey’s singing skills. They definitely needed that spa session.

« I should set the table. » He lazily yawned.  
« Mh, yes… I bought reindeer-shaped candles. »

A long 20 minutes silence followed and she finally turned to face him, half asleep on the couch.

« Or we could just eat on the coffee table and watch a silly christmas movie. »  
« You cooked all day long, we can’t just eat like that. That’s not tradition. »  
« Let’s make it our tradition. »

Rey nuzzled his neck to wrap herself in his scent and catch his mouth between her lips. Ben deepened the kiss, his hand now holding her nape and massaging the base of her skull. It felt so good that Rey decided she definitely wanted to spend every December 24th nights coiled in his arms like this. She forced him to wear the ugly christmas pajamas she had bought him and which were too short for his gigantic giraffe legs and he placed an army of pillows on the floor so they could have their fancy picnic. Rey lit up the candles and displayed everything she had done on the coffee table.

It was so casual that at some point, Ben even fed her bass fillet with his fingers, appreciating how she would lightly suck on his thumb to lick the juice. Rey had never thought life with Ben could be like that. She knew it wasn’t supposed to last because even if she was expecting his baby, they were still in that young, passionate and naive phase of their relationship. They had to love each other through a lot of troubles. And maybe, just maybe, she was finally ready to surrender.

« Stop! Stop Rey! » He shouted while she fed him another chocolate candy. « I can’t, I’m gonna explode! »  
« I know you can take one more! » She shouted, forcing another piece in his mouth while he was choking and laughing at the same time.  
« Oh my God. You want to kill me. »

Rey smiled and straddled him, crushing her mouth on his as he shared the chocolate on her tongue, his hands covering her small back. Rey suddenly regretted she had eaten that much because there was somebody else she would have taken a bite of if she could.

« You want to open your presents? » He asked, still kissing her jaw and throat.  
« Mh… yes please. »

They were now seated right under the tree and tearing the beautiful shiny paper off the boxes. Rey screamed when she discovered the heather gray coat Ben had bought her. It was long, fluid with a belt she could adjust depending on the size of her belly and a soft woven fabric.

« I hate your damn jacket. It’s not warm enough so… »  
« But that’s wool and cashmere. That’s expensive Ben. »  
« It’s Christmas, Rey. Don’t try to guess how much it costs. »

She smiled and wrapped herself in it, feeling its warmth already working its magic. Now was Ben turn and Rey was very excited about the present she had found for him.

« Is that… the ultimate art box of Space Wars? »  
« Yes! » She screamed, as excited as he was. « Isn’t it great? There’s everything, and you can access to special content online with the code inside! Do you like it? »  
« I didn’t know you knew I liked Space Wars… »  
« Poe told me before we started dating. It’s kind of what convince me to give you a chance. »  
« Really? Why? »  
« Because… I like it too and I already thought you were smart and sexy… so if you could also be kind of a nerd I thought we would get along. »

Ben laughed and kissed her gently.

« We’ll share the box. Have you ever played the video game? »  
« We didn’t have that at the foster home but I was dying to. »  
« You’re kidding? Tomorrow I’ll just dig my old console and we’ll play! »  
« Now I wanna go to your folks’. Which character did you play? »  
« Kylo Ren, duh! »  
« Great, so I can be Kira! »  
« Yes… You’ll be Kira. » He ended with a shy smile.  
« Come on, there are other presents! »

She watched Ben open his other gifts, marveled by his shiny eyes discovering even the smallest gift card or history book. Rey was opening a bottle of perfume when she saw a little, red square box remaining under the tree. Was it what she thought it would be? No, Ben couldn’t do that, he knew how much she didn’t like being pressured. It was just a bit bigger than a regular engagement ring package. But what if he didn’t want to introduce her to his parents as the girl he knocked up but as his fiancée? What if his parents wouldn’t accept her and her baby if they weren’t married? She swallowed heavily when he handed her the small box.

« Wh-what’s that? »  
« Just open it. »  
« Ben I- »  
« Open it, babe. »

She took a deep breath and opened the dark red box and frowned. There was no ring but two golden dices linked by a chain. She carefully took it in her hand and looked at the peculiar object.

« What’s that? »  
« My dad was a gambler… huge one. He stopped playing when I was twenty and my mom almost filled the divorce papers and he gave me these dices. It had been his lucky charm, he had never lost a game… I mean, that’s what he said. » He chuckled a bit. « But anyway… I don’t have many family heirlooms yet and I thought… Whatever you decide to do once the baby is born, I want you to have these. »  
« For luck? »  
« Yes and to remind you I’m yours. »  
« Ben- »  
« I mean it. I wanted to build a baby mobile for his bed myself and put the dices in there. »  
« Isn’t it a bit heavy? »  
« Yes well, I thought so too so… I’m giving it to you. »  
« Ben you could keep it and give it to him when he’s a grown up. I don’t want to deprive you of your dad’s heirloom.»  
« It’s not important to me if I can’t share my luck with you. »  
« Have you been lucky thanks to these? »  
« I found you, haven’t I? »

Rey kissed him hard, whispering « you’re not real » against his mouth, the dices caged in her hand between them. Maybe he could introduce her as his girlfriend tomorrow. Maybe she could take this to the next step. The thought of it used to make her sweat in panic, lock the air in her throat, shake her brain in her skull. But now, it was the opposite. The weight on her chest evaporated and it was the simple idea of losing him that felt horrendous, not the other way around.

« Wait… » She parted from his lips, already shiny from the kiss. « I have another gift upstairs. »

He watched her climb the stairs and come back with a paper obviously folded 30 seconds ago.

« Did you write this just now? » He asked, unfolding it after she handed it to him.  
« Yes, it was a last minute decision. »

He read what she had just written and looked at her as if he just had a stroke.

« You… you really want to move in? »  
« If your offer is still open. »  
« You mean, give up your apartment and move in with me here? Forever? »  
« Yes! »

The rest of the night was just a blur. He had undressed her right on the rug, kissed and licked her entire body. The simple touch of his rough fingers on her skin was warming up her insides, asking for more of him. She tried to tear his clothes off too but she was completely at his mercy, shivering from every touch and kisses. Her swollen and hardened nipple between his lips, he made her cry when his knuckles found her clit. She needed this more than anything. If only she didn’t have this huge belly in the way she would have pulled him hard against her. When he heard her complain about the lack of comfort, Ben pulled her on the couch and kneeled between her legs.

« Your pregnancy is the reason why you’re gonna enjoy this so much more now. »

She had no time to retort, Ben’s tongue was already toying with her folds, tasting and sucking her flesh. And he was right, her entire body responded to each lick and bite on her cunt. She was barely seeing him due to her bump but he didn’t seem to care she wasn’t thin and firm anymore. In fact, his large hands were cuddling her belly while his mouth was doing obscene stuff to her clit.

« Fuck, you taste even better… »

Rey cried, barely believing they were both so turned on. Each time they were making love, Ben had found himself to be more daring, to tell her things he thought didn’t suit him in the first place. But he had grown into a whole new kind of lover and Rey was now enjoying her harvest. A thin layer of sweat covered her body, her thighs shaking from the pleasure he was inflecting her and when she thought she had enough, he introduced a thick finger inside of her, rubbing her walls, exciting her even more. Rey grabbed her tits and let him do whatever he wanted with her, a mix of saliva and slick leaking between her legs. And as if he could feel how intense and exhausting it was for her, he started licking her clit with the tip of his tongue, very fast and very lightly.

Electric shocks started to spread from her crotch to her whole body. She spread her legs even wider for him to eat her out, pulling his face closer to her, as if it was possible. She blessed his long nose when it nuzzled her clit so gently while his tongue was exploring her insides and she saw stars shining around them. His humming and a last suction on the little bud and she lost control of her body, her orgasm hitting everywhere and making her insides contract and relax all at the same time. She opened her eyes right when Ben shouted, his hand wrapped around his pink and delicious cock, his face still buried between her legs as if he was taking all of her in. The tension had left her body and it was like she had never experienced back pain or sore feet.

Rey always thought she would never have sex once she’d be pregnant. She was a doctor and knew it was a natural thing to do but maybe she had been more prude than she thought she would. But seeing Ben literally on his knees every time he could get a glimpse of her transforming body had changed it all. She didn’t even care about closing her legs. Ben loved her and was now more intimate with her than any other guy she had sex with, ever.

An hour later, when the house was silent and they were both lying naked in their bed, she allowed herself to pillow on his chest and listen to his heart beating. It had taken some time for Rey to adjust, but now, she knew she had taken the right decision.

****

They had left the house as late as possible to go to the Solo’s. Ben wasn’t in a hurry to meet his parents again, and Rey seemed so nervous her eyes were ready to pop out of their orbits. He had tried to reassure her but even him couldn’t find the words to soothe himself. Not that he was scared of his parents, but they had their lives and Ben lived his own, kind of avoiding them. Things were better now that he wasn’t a grumpy teenage boy, but he was still forcing himself to not start arguments with his dad anytime he could.

Han was proud, funny, attractive and Ben had always felt so awkward next to his amazing dad. And his father had had the amazing ability to increase this feeling instead of working with his son’s odd and shy nature. Leia was the opposite. She was always on Ben’s side and sometimes he had felt like she was trying too hard. She was treating him like a baby, someone who is not responsible for his actions and needed guidance all the time. And this time, it was really important that they acknowledged that Ben was a grown up.

« Do they know? About the baby? »  
« No. »  
« What? I assumed you told them but… »  
« I didn’t. I wasn’t sure that you would come you know? »  
« Is it… my fault? » She asked, uncertain if she was supposed to feel guilty or angry.  
« No, I have a complex relationship with my parents and if I want things to be settled clearly I can’t do that over the phone. »  
« So we’re just gonna come to their home and be like: hey, remember that girl you never met before? Well, she’s also pregnant! Do they at least know that I’m coming? »  
« Yes. They know. But don’t worry, they’ll focus their snarky comments on me. My mom is going to love you. »

Ben heard her sigh. He realized how stressful this situation might be for Rey, but he also knew his parents by heart. Something was certain in his mind: they would adore Rey, put their baby son on a pedestal but would still treat him as an irresponsible child. When they arrived in front of a gigantic gate, he clicked on the remote and drove all the way to the mansion. A shiver fell down his spine as he remembered his lonely days in that golden cage. Rey on the other seat had been rendered speechless. Once they were out of the car and she was standing in front of the red brick manor surrounded by a snowy garden, she finally opened her mouth.

« You’ve never told me you were rich! »  
« I’m not. My mom’s family is. »  
« That’s something a rich person would say. »

Ben chuckled, thinking she was probably right.

« It’s not going to change anything. We have the same problem other people have. Sometimes even bigger. I just don’t want my parents’ money. »

She took his hand and smiled, tiptoeing so she could crush her pink lips on his. Ben enjoyed this last kiss before she would meet her parents because he wasn’t the demonstrative kind, even less when his family was involved. It was strange to see her in these surroundings. And as he was eyeing his childhood, he noticed she had applied sparkles on her lids, something rosy on her cheeks and her lips were definitively darker than usual. She had made herself pretty and Ben - who thought he couldn’t love her more - was once again proved wrong.

They climbed the stairs under the porch and knocked, both of them feeling very tense and tightening their grip on each other’s knuckles. He recognized the loud voices and laughters coming closer to the door before Leia finally opened. Ben had forgot how small his mom was, especially compared to him. She was wearing her braided bun, a long dark green velvet dress and those rings she never left. She smiled at the both of them and before they could say a word, her eyes fell on Rey’s belly.

« Han! Ben is here. »  
« What has he done yet? » They heard Han’s distant voice approaching. « You have this tone when he’s in trouble! »

Ben scratched his forehead with his thumb, waiting for his dad to come while Rey was stiffening right beside him. When his father finally appeared, they both looked at each other in a silent yet meaningful staring contest. But this time, Ben had to be the bigger person.

« It’s freezing out here, I’d like to get Rey inside. »  
« Of course! Dear, get in! »

Leia ignored Ben and grabbed Rey’s arm to invite her in. The young surgeon sent a distress look to Ben as his mom was taking her coat off. He nodded at her, hoping she would feel he knew everything was going to be fine for her.

« So, I’m sure Ben has an explanation for all of this but before that, would you like something to drink, Rey? » Leia had that voice she always used to make Ben feel guilty about something.  
« Oh, I’m fine thank you. » Rey’s on the other hand was trying to hide the trembling of hers.

Ben grabbed her coat from his mother’s arm and put his hand on Rey’s back to comfort her. He couldn’t not notice she was wearing that dress they had bought together. It was mid-length, dark blue and wrapped around her body.

« I’m going to show Rey around. »

They disappeared in the corridor and she was literally glued to him.

« Ben, this is a disaster. We can’t stay, your mom is gonna eat me alive! »  
« No she won’t. She’s mad at me, don’t worry. »  
« Of course she’s mad at you, idiot! You bring a casual girlfriend on Christmas Day and the bitch is more stuffed than the turkey! »

Ben choked on his laughter and helped her to climb the stairs until they found his old room. It was exactly like he had left it: neat, dark and with lots of space stuff on the shelves. It was strange to see Rey in this place he knew too well.

« Nice room, nerd. »  
« You said you liked that about me. »  
« I do. But it really smells like a teenage boy in here. » She giggled and took a notebook on his desk. « You were so serious… you still are. »  
« I thought that if I wanted to get out of here quickly I should study and graduate early. »

She grabbed a little Kylo Ren doll and studied it with a shy smile. He had spent years in his room, asking himself if he would someday escape the toxic atmosphere in the household and find someone to make him happy. And here she was, playing with his stupid toys. Rey finally let go of the Lego spaceship he had built in secondary and turned to him.

« Hm… We should go back. God, I’m scared to death. Your mom is very intimidating. And your dad is handsome. »  
« Hey! »  
« What? He is! »  
« Yeah, I know. He knows, everybody knows! »

He avoided her gaze, perfectly aware he was being ridiculous. But he couldn’t handle this competition between them anymore, and Rey was the last person he wanted to share with his perfect parents. She stood up and wrapped her arms around him and whispered:

« You’re handsome too… » She smiled when he answered with a grunt. « The most handsome man, the best sex I ever had… »  
« Now you’re just lying. »  
« No, I’m not. We’re special. »

Ben responded to her embrace, finding comfort in her words being sweet just like when they started seeing each other.

« I wish I had pretty girls like you in my room when I was 16! »  
« Oh yeah? What kind of girls came in here? »  
« The imaginary kind. »

They both laughed and walked back to the living room, less tense than before. Leia had prepared a platter of amuse-bouche and a fancy bottle of wine. She smiled at Rey and invited her to sit next to her on the couch.

« The Damerons are going to come right in time for lunch so we have still a couple of minutes to talk about you, Rey. »  
« Really, there is nothing to tell. »  
« Oh come on! It’s the first time Ben introduces a girl to us. And hm… we were not expecting this. »  
« I’m sorry if this comes as a shock but Ben and I wanted to surprise you. »  
« Oh really, It was your idea too? »

Rey nodded and Ben sighed. She was diving in right there with him. Han had not said anything yet but his eyes had not left Rey. The two women had started talking about the pregnancy and Rey relaxed when she realized that Leia’s interest grew into deep affection the minute she mentioned their future baby boy.

« Oh! It’s a boy? You hear that Han? Another Solo to carry your name. »  
« At least the kid did something right. »  
« Han. » She warned him.  
« I’m kidding! You know I’m kidding, right? » Han chuckled, staring at Ben.  
« Is uncle Luke coming? » Ben chose to ignore his dad’s snarky comment.  
« No, he’s still in his retreat. You know him. » She turned to Rey to continue her story. » My brother Luke used to welcome Ben in his house during the holidays when your friend was too grumpy to handle being in the same room as us. I mean, you know how teenagers are with their parents! »  
« Actually, I don’t. » Rey said with a sad smile. « I was raised in the foster system, so I don’t know how it works. »

A silence fell on the room and Leia took Rey’s hand in hers and looked at her in the eyes.

« You don’t have to worry about that anymore. We’re your family now. »

Rey stayed stunned for a moment and finally looked at Ben when Leia went to the kitchen. He whispered « I told you » and smiled to her. He could take his parents’ rage as long as Rey was welcomed in his family. He sat next to her and brushed her hair while she took a bite on a mini cheese soufflé.

« When did you two meet? »

Ben had forgotten his dad was still there, and he realized it was better if he was the one to talk this time.

« Last Summer. Rey took care of my hand when I cut myself. She’s a surgeon. »  
« A surgeon, huh? I always knew you were going to end up with a brainy girl just like your mom. At least, she can provide for you. »  
« I’m working, dad. Teaching at Harvard is a good job. »  
« I know but, look at her, she’s a doctor. »

Ben growled and Rey smiled a little while holding his hand.

« But I must say, I’m surprised this is how it happens. You were always so considerate, organized, saying you were never going to be… what was the word again? A scoundrel like your dad. »  
« Mom calls you that too. »  
« Yes, well I guess you look a lot more like me than you’re ready to admit. »  
« You always thought I hated you. » Ben said bluntly.  
« You don’t? » Han had this tone of surprise.  
« No. » He objected, Rey’s hand on his giving him courage. « I always wanted to be more like you. »

They could only hear the sound of Leia’s voice commenting how juicy the turkey looked roasting in the oven. Rey stood up, whispered she was going to help his mother in his ear and disappeared in the hallway. Han was still looking at Ben and he poured himself another glass of wine.

« I wish you knew I was never tough with you because I didn’t like you. » He admitted with his low voice. « I was because you are my son, I know you and I know you are capable of things I can’t do myself. »  
« I know dad. I’m not mad anymore. »  
« Sometimes you are. Sometimes you look at me like you are. »  
« I don’t have the time and energy to be mad at you anymore. I’m going to have a kid. »

Han smiled like Ben never saw him do. He sipped a bit of his wine and exhaled.

« Don’t take him away from your mom and I once he’s born. We want to be part of your family. »

Ben sat back and realized his legs were spread exactly like his dad’s, his hand was holding the glass by its foot, exactly like his dad. His own son would probably mirror the two of them too and he would be a fool to deprive his parents from the joy of seeing another Organa-Solo grow up. It wasn’t because he had a troubled childhood that he was going to make the same mistake with his little boy. His son would be loved, understood and surrounded, just like he deserved to be. And when Rey came back with another platter of delicacies and a sweet smile on her face, Ben knew she would fit right in.

« We need to talk about names! » Leia exclaimed while handing Rey a glass of grape juice.  
« We haven’t discussed it yet, mom. »  
« But, Rey is almost 6 months pregnant! You have to talk about names! »  
« Actually… I have thought about it. » Rey announced, hiding behind her glass.  
« You did? When? » Ben was stunned.  
« It’s nothing serious, really but… When I knew it was going to be a he I couldn’t stop thinking about it. »  
« You know, Ben was named after an old family friend. But it’s never easy to find the right name your child is gonna carry all his life. » Leia added.  
« I like Ben. » Rey said, her hand finding Ben’s again. « It’s short but it’s sweet and smart. »  
« Leia, let the kids choose the name themselves. You’re going to jinx it! »

Leia’s protests were covered by the doorbell. Ben took a deep breath, relieved the Damerons were finally arriving. The attention would focus on Poe and his new boyfriend and they would leave Rey and him alone. But he was wrong. Both the very handsome Finn and Rey’s belly were in the center of every discussion during lunch. Poe was seated right in front of the future parents and suffered the same fate Ben was with his own folks. Finn and Rey were both catching each other’s eyes for courage.

« Rey, are you coming back to the hospital next week? » Poe asked when the parents were finally caught up in their own world.  
« Yes, I only have until Sunday and then back to work. Honestly, I can’t wait. »  
« I heard the chief wanted to give you a less packed schedule. »  
« Yes but… » She gave Ben a look before going on. « I don’t want him to think I’m not able to do my job so I’ll refuse. Besides, it’s only going to be for another couple of months. After that, I’ll have to step back. »

Ben ate his stuffing, thinking it was better for him to keep his mouth full before he couldn’t hold back his thoughts about Rey killing herself at work.

« But you know that everyone understands what you’re going through. » Poe tried.  
« I’m pregnant, not sick. I can handle my patients. I’ll just try to have more day shifts and less nights. »

Ben already knew he wanted to have a talk with her about that. He knew it was unfair to ask her to step back, but Rey didn’t know how to not overwork. She was giving everything to the hospital and most of the time forgetting herself. And this time, it seemed that his mom had listened to the whole conversation. When it was time to say goodbye, she kissed Rey on both cheeks, hugging her as tightly as her big belly would allow it and asked her to take good care of her son and grandson. Before Ben could join her in the car and store his old game console, she reached for his bicep and stopped him.

« I know you think you’re doing her a favor by asking her to stop working, but you can’t do that. »  
« What makes you think I’m going to ask her that? »  
« I know you, Ben. You think you know what’s best for people and you’re doing it because you have a kind heart but she’s a strong, young woman and she needs to learn her mistakes by herself. »  
« What if she endangered herself or the baby? »  
« I’m sure she won’t be this stupid. She’s a good girl. I’m happy for you. » Leia tiptoed to hug him tight but didn’t let him go without one of her threats. « But if you hide anything from me again I’ll shave your head, you little brat. »  
« Okay, mom. » Ben chuckled while whizzing down the stairs, more than ready to drive them home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woh! Things are getting cute and fluffy, I know you guys were waiting for this. Now I have to say that it won't be all pink and soft for too long, so enjoy it while it lasts (kidding, this is a HEA story, the end is cute and everybody is fine).  
> What did you guys think of Ben's parents and his relationship to them?  
> Thank you for being with me!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!  
> I hope you guys are doing fine!  
> ⚠️  
> ***PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE READING THE CHAPTER***
> 
> I'd like to warn you guys: trigger warning on this one!! If the tough and high-risk pregnancy topics are triggering for you, you might want to avoid this one. The story ends well but I don't want to trigger anyone so, take my advice into account if you don't feel like reading these stuff.  
> I put a ⚠️ at the beginning and the end of the graphic description of the incident if some of you just want to avoid the passage. But the rest of the story will deal with tough pregnancy as stated in the tag section!
> 
> Thank you for your attention and enjoy :)

Rey sighed for what seemed like 20th time in 10 minutes. She was already sitting in the room with other couples and Ben wasn’t here. He had insisted they would try the Lamaze class, she had to clear her schedule and he was late. A tall, blonde and annoyingly elegant woman was introducing 5 couples - and Rey - to the mystery of childbirth. Irritated to her core that Ben could think she - out of all people - would need someone to teach her things about pregnancy and labor was an outrage to Rey. Sure, this wasn’t her specialty, but she had been to med school and they taught her things. She also knew how messy and hazardous childbirth was. All the breathing in the world wouldn’t change that.

As she was about to exhaled once more, she felt a little poking on her shoulder and looked to her right. Two women were smiling at her, one of them was very pregnant.

« Hi! I’m Rose. » The pregnant one started. "This is my partner Jannah. If you came alone you can do the exercises with us! »

That woman, Rose, had such a sweet voice that Rey’s heart was suddenly filled with warmth and she couldn’t help but smile at her. Jannah, hugging her from behind, was giving her the same look but she seemed more intimidating. Rey had no idea how to interact with other pregnant women. It wasn’t like there was a code, a sisterhood of knocked up bitches out there. But as reluctant as she was to make friends (any friends), she couldn’t resist the sweetness in Rose’s eyes.

« Thank you but hm… The dad should be here… 10 minutes ago. »  
« Oh, okay! Just let us know! »  
« Thank you. »

And Rey was really thankful. At the hospital, they all knew her as the capable Doctor Johnson who could fix a crushed hand. But in real life, nobody beside Ben ever saw her like a struggling woman, a real person. And those two future mothers were still smiling at her, like they understood. She was drawn out of her reverie when Ben finally entered the room. He stormed in with his irresistibly annoying smile, cheeks flushed, hair wet from the rain and he was taking off his coat and scarf, looking for a path to join Rey. The instructor ignored him and kept talking with that honeyed voice Rey already knew she hated while she let him sit just behind her. He smelled like rain and perfume and she loathed him for being so sexy even when she was mad.

« I’m sorry. » He muttered. « There was an accident on the road. »

He kissed her on the cheek and looked on their right to see Rose and Jannah greeting him. And, as always, he was the sweetest guy around, shaking their hands and congratulating them for the baby coming, as if they weren’t all here for the same reason. Rey sighed and he rested his chin right on the crook of her shoulder and whispered:

« You look amazing. »  
« Shut up, I’m trying to listen. »

He chuckled and looked at the blond lady with attention. Rey would bet he had already watched 10 videos of Lamaze classes on Youtube and knew all about this already. She jumped into the wagon when he invited her to breath in and out with him, his hands on her stomach. Rey didn’t know how long this class lasted but after the very embarrassing moment of having to talk about her vagina to Ben, she truly believed there was nothing she could hide from him anymore. And it didn’t get better when she started imagining different ways to kill the tall blond perfection when they all started to talk about breastfeeding. It was a topic she had already fought about with Ben and all these mothers already shaming her for not craving for that sacred bond between a baby and his mother’s tits was annoying as fuck.

When the instructor finally set them free, she didn’t even wait for Ben’s help to stand up and walk out that door. He was running after her, carrying their stuff and urging her to put on her coat. Outside, into the cold Boston night, she was furiously walking to the car, trying not to fall on the slippery ground. She heard him calling and coming closer, his steps heavier by the second. When he finally caught up on her she bursted.

« I told you it was ridiculous to come there! »  
« Why are you so mad about? » He lifted his arms in the air, helplessly.  
« Do you think this woman had a child already? Because she’s talking like one of your stupid books about perfect mothers and graceful childbirth. Well, let me tell you Ben Solo: childbirth is gross, messy and it hurts. And there is nothing that can prepare you for that. »

She was fuming as hell. And Ben was just standing there like an idiot with this stupid soft look in his eyes.

« Okay, we won’t come back, but I don’t understand why you’re so mad babe. »  
« Because you didn’t listen to me the first time! You needed to go and see by yourself instead of trusting me. Did you know that the Lamaze method used to give grades to women to rank their delivery? Like, if you scream and you’re in pain then you’re just a failure. »  
« No, I did not know that. » He answered calmly.  
« And how many women are uncomfortable with breastfeeding or just can’t do it for so many reasons… This is not supposed to be shared like that, as if some mothers were superior than others. »

Rey was hysterical on the parking lot. So hysterical that she started crying and she was more furious about herself not being able to control her emotions than anything else. Ben silently covered her shoulders with her coat and opened the car doors so she could get inside. Rey sighed and rubbed her eyes, feeling pathetic and tired. But Ben didn’t get in. She watched him in the wing mirror and noticed he was talking to those women, Jannah and Rose. They looked worried and he was smiling at them. Then, she noticed him handing them his phone before greeting them and jumping into the car.

« What did they want? » She spat.  
« They were asking if you were okay… I think you scared the shit out of everyone. » He giggled a bit and Rey looked at him surprised he would react like that.  
« Why did you give them your phone? »  
« Oh, they gave me their number. They said you looked nice and they’d be happy if we could go to brunch with them someday. »

Rey stayed silent, her heart still racing in her chest. She needed a hot bath.

« You know, I’m not a doctor. » Ben dropped bluntly while he started the car. « I don’t know shit about these stuff. I just want the best for you two. » His hand had flown from the wheel to her belly. « These classes work for so many women I thought… and I don’t think any of these women were trying to sound better than you. They’re just excited, I guess. But anyway. If you tell me you don’t need the classes and they make you uncomfortable, I believe you. »  
« Thank you… »  
« I just want you to know that you’re going to be an amazing mother. »

Rey blinked, clearly not prepared for this kind of statement. Why was he suddenly reading her so easily?

« I don’t care about what they say in the magazines or in lamaze class. My son is going to have the greatest mom ever. »

Rey started to cry uncontrollably again, one hand gripping Ben’s and the other on her mouth.

« Hey… I hope those are tears of joy. » He said, concerned and looking at her once they’d stopped at a crossroad.

She nodded affirmatively and waited for her weeping to calm a little before she could speak again, the heavy weight on her chest still there.

« I’m just so scared, Ben. »  
« Everybody is, okay? And the only fact that you’re scared proves you’re not taking things lightly. Stop crying, you’re going to be fine. What do you want to eat tonight? »

She kissed his hand and they headed to her favorite Chinese restaurant. Pity herself had never been her forte and lately, with the hormones and the whole situation, that was all she was doing. Ben had understood she just needed to get over herself and start functioning again. Her chest rose higher and a smile curled up her mouth as she was watching him fight the rain to buy her spring rolls and the rice she liked the most while she waited in the warmth of his car. Now in the kitchen, her foot on his lap, swallowing her food as if she had not eaten in ten days she caught him staring at her.

« We still need to finish the talk about… you know, the breastfeeding. »  
« What is there to talk about? »  
« You don’t want to do it? »  
« I don’t know yet. It’s complicated. »  
« How so? »  
« Because it is. » She muttered. « If I choose to do it, I’d be the baby’s slave. You won’t have to get up during the night and I don’t know how long it’s going to last so if I’m still breastfeeding 3 months after I can’t go back to work! »

Ben wiped the grease from the spring rolls on his mouth and drank a little bit of his coke, looking unbothered by her wonderings.

« Why are you already talking about going back to work? Just do what you want to do for you and the baby, not because of work. »  
« But my life IS my work. »  
« It’s still going to be there after! »  
« You don’t understand. Nobody expects you to put your life on hold for months. »  
« Rey, you know you’re being unfair. I am nothing but supportive. I just don’t want you to hold back on things you want to do because you think it’s going to cost you your career. »  
« I’m not mad at you, I’m mad about the system. And my body. »

Ben cut the last spring roll in two and fed it to her.

« I think your body is incredible. And I’ll stop working if you need me to. »  
« What? »  
« Why not? » He shrugged. « We can do half and half. If you want to breastfeed you’ll do it and then we’ll get him used to formula and you’ll go back to work when you need it. I’ll take care of him. »  
« Why? Why would you do that? » Rey was stunned.  
« He’s my son too, right? Besides, I don’t want him to go to the daycare. I don’t believe in separating the child from his parents. »

Rey looked at him do the dishes and she realized that she did not know much about his childhood and his wishes for the baby. She had been focused on herself, on the little human growing inside of her - rightfully - but she had forgotten to take care of Ben. And the novelty of their relationship was marveling her: every little fight they had ended in a serious conversation where they sorted things out. That was something Rey never expected from their couple, especially because she was the other half of the duo and she was known as insufferable and moody. Maybe she was more capable of doing this adult thing as she thought she was. She went upstairs, her back hurting like never before and prepared a bath for the both of them, just like old times. When he came into the bathroom, she was undressing slowly, the weight of her stomach making her tremble on her feet. When she was about to climb over the tank, she fell her legs leave the ground as Ben was carrying her into the water himself and laying her down gently.

« Come in with me. » She asked, almost pleading.  
« There isn’t really much space left for me now, babe. » He giggled.  
« Stop calling me fat and come with me. I want you close. »

He smiled and joined her into the warm water, his arm closing around her, his mouth already on her nape. They had had their massage a few weeks before but Rey could need another session. She was sore everywhere and every little effort was now taking much more energy. The young doctor knew stuff about pregnancy but she was still amazed about the changes a week could make.

« Mh… he’s awake. » She said, feeling the baby rolling inside her.  
« He is? » Ben was looking for a kick, his bicep relaxing when he found the bump on the side of her belly. « Can you tell what kind of child he is? »  
« I think he knows when he can manifest himself because when I’m at work I barely feel him. Sometimes it scares me, you know? »  
« He wants you to feel great around him… »  
« He’s just like his father. »

Ben’s light laughter comforted Rey who turned her head just enough so she could taste his soft lips. She regretted they didn’t have enough time to enjoy being themselves without a tiny human between them. Now that her belly was taking so much place, she had stopped asking for sex and he seemed to be shy about it. It wasn’t like they did nothing, but she missed the roughness of it, the way he would hold her and spread her when she wasn’t showing much. Once Ben was free of his prejudices about sex, he was everything Rey could hope for: a gentle giant, a good listener with expert hands, a skilled mouth and a very nice dick.

« Do you still find me attractive? » She said, knowing his only possible answer would be to say yes or lie about it.  
« I thought I was the only insecure one about myself here. »  
« Ben… tell me. »  
« Of course I find you attractive, what kind of question is that? »  
« I don’t know. I just… I see it in the mirror, my body is not the same. My skin is… »  
« Beautiful? Smooth? Smells good? »  
« Liar. »

Ben’s hand travelled from her belly to her breasts, cupping them, making her breath shorten. She realized she was completely at his mercy right now and the way he started to roll her nipples between his thumbs and indexes, she knew she was screwed.

« Mh… Ben, I really don’t feel sexy now. »  
« I know… That’s why you need to be proven wrong. »

His fingers were still rubbing the pert of her breasts, when his mouth glided against her neck, tracing a trail with the tip of his tongue until he reached her ear. He knew how much she liked when he was playing with her lobe, licking, biting and kissing the little piece of flesh. Rey could feel the blood flooding everywhere, from her flushed cheeks to her core and throbbing harshly between her legs. The tingling was so intense that she spread her legs uncontrollably.

« See? » He grunted. « You want this. »

She moaned as soon as his fingers found the mound of her cunt, circling around her clit under the water. The warmth of the bath with the expert rubbing of Ben’s hand made her forget all the tensions accumulated in her body. He didn’t put any finger inside of her. Instead, he focused on her thighs, her breasts, the new rounded shape of her hips, the tight skin on her stomach which needed so much care. If she could, she would melt against his body. She couldn’t see what he was doing, but the blind experience felt even more liberating. She wasn’t in control of anything and he knew her so much now that every touch, every lick and every dirty word whispered in the crook of her neck was sending a wave of tinglings and heat over her whole body. The delicious torture of having nothing to clench around was making everything more difficult to do. Was she dizzy because of the steam? She tightened her grasp around Ben’s forearm as he quickened the rubbing of his thumb on her clit and elicited a scream out of her. And when she came, it was because he kept whispering how strongly he wanted to fuck her and how there was no woman alive sexier than her. He rinsed her lazy body and carried her to bed, drying her with a towel while she was already lying down. She looked at him with a smile, her gaze lingering on his beautiful body while he was applying on her stomach and thighs the lotion he had seen her use every night. He slowly rolled her to her side and started massaging her loins, painful from the weight on her front. Rey fell asleep with a smile on her face as she heard him say she also had the cutest butt ever.

***

Rey had just finished her morning round when she heard her pager ring in the pocket of her scrub. They needed her in the ER, now. She hoped it wasn’t another massive car accident because they had just got over one earlier in the week and she had no energy left to deal with trauma patients. In the elevator, she checked on her phone and smiled. Rose had sent her a text telling her all about her awful morning involving the pregnancy hemorrhoids she had the pleasure to discover a week ago.

After insisting for three days, Ben had finally got what he wanted: meet Rose and Jannah again. So, they had gone to that brunch thing with a reluctant Rey and a cheerful Ben. And since then, she had been inseparable with Rose. The two women were going through the same things at the same time and Rey wasn’t feeling so alone this time. Rose was a business woman, she owned her own tea room and with the baby coming, she also had to step down. Rey would listen to her complain about her wife for an hour and then tell her how amazing Jannah was five minutes later.

Rey was still shy about her relationship with Ben, but the baker had understood early that Ben and Rey were never supposed to parent together… or at least, not like that. One night, when Ben was out of town for a conference he had only accepted to attend if Rose and Jannah stayed with her for the night, Rose had asked her the ultimate question:

« Do you love him? »  
« What? Of course I do. »  
« No I mean, really love him. Not just because he is nice, he’s taking care of you and the baby and he already told you he loved you. Do you love Ben? »

Rey had to sit back and drink her non-alcoholic cocktail before she could even think of answering that tricky question. After everything that happened the last months, she was glad that « accident » happened with Ben. She wouldn’t want any other man to be the father to her baby boy. She was also certain she had had a crush on him as soon as she had entered his room back when he’d injured himself. And since then, he never stopped growing on her, even when they fought. Was it enough to call this love?

« I feel like… I do. »  
« He’s not here, you can tell us the truth, we won’t judge. Knowing your situation, we’re marveled by the fact that you guys made it work. »  
« He did. It’s all on him. I’m just here like Jabba the fucking Hutt on his couch. »

The three women had laughed and Rey had felt two pairs of arms hugging her so tight it had felt good to be supported by other people, to not feel like you only matter as a mother.

« We can tell he loves you, that’s a given. But you have to understand that it’s okay if you don’t. You don’t have to force yourself, Rey. »

Rey had closed her eyes for a minute and the only thing she could see was Ben’s face asleep next to hers when she was too hot to sleep. His strong nose, his plump mouth, the dark locks falling on his forehead, his breath in her neck and his smell all around her… She couldn’t picture herself sleeping anywhere but with him. She didn’t want anyone but him to touch her. She couldn’t stand the thought of him abandoning her. And when he was here, as mad, scared or lonely as she was, he would always find the words to make her feel better. He had not stopped at her reluctance and he had showed her she could be loved.

« I love him. I don’t show it to him the way he does… But I love him. So much, he doesn’t even know. »

She smiled at the thought that she didn’t have the courage to tell him yet. She knew he was aware Rey wasn’t very good at expressing her feelings, but she also knew how unfair it was that she’d never given back. Maybe she should organize something for him like a dinner and then they could watch a movie. It wasn’t like she could do anything else in her condition but Ben would take anything she’d be able to give.

⚠️When she arrived at the nurses station to ask who paged her, it took her a few seconds to find her words as she realized that something else was happening in her body. A sudden pain in her stomach annihilated everything else, blurred her sight and cut the sound of her surroundings. Her hand fell on her belly, her muscles stiffening as she started to see blank. The pain was out of this world. It wasn’t one of those early contractions she had started to get. It was worse, rough, violent and scary. Something terrible was shaking her to her core and her intuitions immediately told her it wasn’t an early delivery. She wasn’t having her baby right now. And as if her thoughts weren’t all over the place already, she felt a warm and heavy gush between her legs.

Rey didn’t hear the nurses run to her, didn’t feel Poe catch her body falling with a wheelchair, Kaydel holding her hand while somebody was putting an oxygen mask on her face. Rey was conscious but her mind was there. She was watching the scene from above her body. The pain was here, excruciating like somebody was cutting her guts with a knife. Her belly had gone hard as a rock and blood kept pooling between her legs.

Rey realized how scary being in this chair was now that she was the one suffering from the agitation. But this time, her doctors were panicked, she could hear the fear in their voices. Not because she was a lost cause, but because she was their friend and they couldn’t fail on her or her child. She found the strength to circle her stomach with her hands, the pain numbed and replaced by one horrendous thought: losing her baby.

They took her to the maternity service, Poe howling at anybody on their path, not leaving her for one second. She didn’t recognize the hallways because her thoughts were all over the place but the smell was familiar to her. She knew where they were taking her, she had no doubt that her colleagues were capable of taking care of her. But right now, all she could think about was her baby boy, afraid and lonely inside of her. No doctor could understand the pain, the panic and the immense sentiment of guilt she was feeling right now. The physical agony was nothing compared to the fear. She would tear her stomach open right now if that was the only way to save her son.

With a noticeable trembling in his voice, Poe was trying to soothe her. She could see the words forming on his mouth but it was like she had no strength to understand them. Her brain had a hard time processing things, probably protecting her from the trauma and the pain. But she couldn’t move, couldn’t scream, her lips sealed in horror. Kaydel had lifted her a bit when they were in the elevator to add a cloth under her butt to soak all the blood still flooding from her.

« She’s so pale. That fucking elevator! » He yelled, kicking the door like a maniac.

She reached for Poe’s arms and squeezed it tight, too exhausted to speak, too scared she might lose the tiny bits of energy she had if she opened her mouth.

« Rey, look at me. I’m here, okay? I’m not gonna leave your side for one second. Someone is already calling Ben. You hear me? You’re gonna be fine. The baby is gonna be fine. »

His last words were a blur. Her brain stopped working, numbed from the distress poisoning every nerve and muscle in her body. But all her thoughts were now prayers that nobody would take her baby away, that Ben would be here soon, that he would carry her home and kiss her until she fell asleep in his arms. She wanted to scream, cry and ask for forgiveness for not being a good person, a good mother. She had been punished from the day she was born but her baby boy didn’t deserve the same treatment. But she had no more energy for that and as strong as she tried to be, her body betrayed her and before she could say anything, her eyes closed and the pain went away.⚠️

At first, Rey was confused as to why was she waking up in an hospital room. The place was almost dark, she was alone and her pasty mouth had a strange taste. She was wearing a blouse, completely naked underneath except for the massive diaper they had put her in. Wincing at the feeling that she could never function again, she moaned, cursed her body for being so sore from the horrid experience and everything rushed back to her. The pain, the blood, the fear… She opened her eyes completely and tried not to howl at the rush of adrenaline jolting her heart when she finally remembered. She reached for her belly, still round and full. Rey looked at the monitors by her bed and noticed there was one for her, one for her baby. The regular beating of his tiny heart let Rey relax a little. He was still in there, coiled inside of her and safe.

She coughed, her lips dry and a migraine intoxicating her skull making it heavy and dizzy. She lifted her head slowly to look at her surroundings, already exhausted by the effort.There was no flower, no bag, no Ben either. Just a glass of water on the bedside table. She wanted to reach for it but her biceps failed on her. How long did she stay unconscious? She had no idea. She suddenly felt very lonely and asked herself if that was standard procedure to let frightened patients alone in a room with nothing to soothe their mind.

Suddenly, loud steps approached the door and a voice shook her from the inside. It was Ben’s and he was shouting. The staff was trying to reason him but she could feel how furious he was from the other side of the door. The choked sounds in the hallway betrayed his state of anger. She looked at her bump, tears coming to her eyes. It was all her fault and Ben was now aware of it. He was going to hate her and Rey wasn’t sure she was able to take it.

The door finally opened and she shriveled in the bed, her muscles tensing under his gaze. He was fuming, breathing loudly, strong, negative vibes emanating from his body. He stood at the foot of the bed, his eyes burning her face. She couldn’t look at him, she didn’t even know what was going on. Tears were still accumulating on the edges of her lids and it took everything she had to not burst in front of him.

« How do you feel? »

His voice wasn’t nothing like what she had heard behind the door. He sounded worried, pained and it made it even more difficult for Rey to not feel guilty about what she had done.

« I… I’m in pain. »

He sighed and let his hand rest on her foot, its warmth working immediately its magic on her cold body. She couldn’t hold it anymore. « I’m… so-sorry. » She tried to articulate between two sobbings. But there was nothing she could do now that she had opened the pandora box. She felt Ben’s helpless look on her as he was trying to read her through the tears. The mattress sagged a little when he sat next to her, taking her hands away from her face and trying to wipe her cheeks. He was breathing in and out, deeply, just like she was supposed to do in Lamaze class. And those stupid lessons worked because she mirrored him, her lungs slowly catching up the regular pace.

« It’s okay… you’re both okay. »  
« I-I did this. I endangered the baby, just like you said I would. I did this to us. And now you’re going to hate me and you’re never going to forgive me for what I’ve done. And you’re right because I’m an awful, selfish person. I shouldn’t be allowed to have a kid. »

Rey was trying very hard not to cry again but she still couldn’t look at Ben in the eyes. Her chest was rising quickly in short spasms she wasn’t able to control. But at out of all the thing she was expecting him to say, he still managed to surprise her.

« What the fuck are you talking about? »  
« I’m… I fainted again and… this time it was serious, I lost blood and I don’t know how he is. And I heard you screaming outside and I know it’s my fault. I’ll do whatever you want now but please don’t hate me. »  
« Rey, I was screaming at them for keeping you alone in this room and not telling you what was going on. Not because I was mad at you. »  
« Oh… »  
« They wouldn’t let us in because you were sleeping and they said I was out of control. I admit I might have been a bit… agitated. But that’s not the point. »

Ben took her hand and kissed her knuckles. « You’re freezing » he said, rubbing her palm in his to warm it up.

« It’s not your fault. » He added with a low voice. « The obstetrician said you had a placenta abruption. It can happen for many reasons and not just because you’re working. They’re running tests but you’re fine. And the baby is great too. »  
« So… it might not be my fault? »  
« It’s not your fault. »

Rey looked at him in the eyes, looking for his love and that’s exactly what she found. He wasn’t mad, he was desperately in love with her. This time, when she cried, it was with relief and he joined her. It was the first time she saw him sob, his nose reddening, his eyes puffing and his chin wobbling. “I was so scared” He repeated tirelessly. She weakly pulled on his sweater so he would hug her tight. Her face coiled in his neck, his smell intoxicating her brain, her mouth right next to his ear when she finally said it:

« I love you, Ben. »

****

Rey was finally asleep. It was now taking hours to convince her to close her eyes since she’d fainted. A week had passed and she was still bedridden at the hospital and going crazy about it. But she wasn’t saying a thing to Ben, focusing her complaints on Poe or Rose. They were all taking turns to watch over her so she would never be alone in her cold room but she wasn’t saying a thing to him. And Ben knew why. As much as he had tried to make her understand it wasn’t her fault, Rey still felt guilty about the incident.

Yet, the obstetrician had spent a whole hour explaining to them what had happened. Rey had hypertension and that was what triggered the placenta abruption. Sure, she was tired, but Rey wasn’t the only woman working while being pregnant. If Rey felt guilty of endangering the baby, Ben was guilty of putting too much pressure on her. He had spent the last six nights by her side, seated on the uncomfortable hospital chair, the monitor never leaving his sight. There were still so many risks the baby could suffer from respiratory distress, he wouldn’t take any chances.

Ben bent on the bed and kissed her forehead when Poe entered the room, inviting him to go outside. He briefly hugged the surgeon and rubbed his eyes. Ben had rarely been this tired.

« This can’t go on, man. You’re exhausted and she can’t stand it here. »  
« I know but we can’t… If we go home, I can’t be there all day with her. »  
« Ask your mom. »  
« What? »

Poe was dead serious and Ben stopped laughing when he realized it.

« She called me, she’s worried. She said you don’t keep in touch with her. She wants to help, Ben. You should let her. »  
« Rey is going to say no. »  
« Rey will do anything to get out of here. You can’t keep her in the hospital for a month and a half. She’s driving everyone nuts! »

Maybe Poe was right. Maybe Rey would be great at home, in their bed, with his mom downstairs to watch her by day, and him by night. He sat back on the chair, his hand on hers after he’d tucked her blanket better. She was always freezing. He had to try to get some sleep before she’d wake up in the middle of the night like she always did. And that night, it happened again. Her whining echoed in his ears and he yawned loudly as she was looking for him on the small bed.

« I’m here… Rey. » He grabbed her fingers and kissed them.  
« Hm… I was scared. »  
« Every night you tell me the same thing, I’m not going anywhere. »  
« I know… I need to pee. »

He helped her on her feet and they walked slowly to the bathroom, his arm around her a if she could break at any moment. She let her panties glide down to her ankles and sat gently. The first days, Ben had been very embarrassed by all of this, especially since every time she was seated on the toilets, he would see the blood on the diaper she was wearing, reminding them what had happened. But now, the bleeding had stopped and she was wearing regular knickers with a thick pad inside. And if she had been shy about peeing in front of him at first, now she was casually holding his hands to stay awake, her head resting on the bathroom wall. She looked so fragile that these moments they were sharing made Ben fall in love with her even more.

« I’m gonna get you home. »  
« Mh… Really? » She asked with a tone of surprise.  
« Yes. I want you safe and comfortable. You need to rest and prepare the baby’s arrival. You can’t do it here. You’re too stressed. We’re twenty minutes away from the hospital, it’s no big deal. »  
« Hm… I’m glad. I hate to see you sleep on this chair. And I miss our bed. »

Ben carried her back on the bed and covered her slim body. She had lost weight since she was here. Yes, being with his mom would be a good thing.

« I’m going to ask my mother to watch you. »  
« I’m too tired to yell at you right now… Tell that to me again tomorrow. » She yawned before falling back to sleep.

And she yelled at him. For a solid 30 minutes, he had to listen to her whine, complain and hiss madly at him. But at the end, her arms crossed and her mouth pouted in disapprobation, she abdicated realizing this was the only solution for them to go back home. Ben had promised her he would set up a schedule practical enough so he would be home early. And to prove his good faith, he had decided to organize his tutoring hours at home. Most of his students were working for the exams coming soon and he could easily skip a class or two.

He was currently having a video call with one of the students when the door in front of him opened timidly. His eyes flicked up from the screen to Rey, wearing nothing but her Bambi onesie as she entered the room and sat on the couch in front of his desk. Ben cleared his throat and tried to focus back on the young man talking to him about the Holy war. He guided him as much as he could, a bit embarrassed by her gaze never leaving him, her mouth curling up when she noticed he was blushing. He ended the call and adjusted his glasses, pretending she wasn’t here, disturbing him.

« You look so hot Professor. Tell me about the crusaders again, please. »  
« Rey. » He started without holding back his grin. « You should be in bed. »  
« I’m bored, you were supposed to stay with me. »  
« I’m with you but these students need me! »  
« I need you too… » She mewled.

He sighed and sat next to her. She shouldn’t to move at all. He had to do something about it.

« How about, I open the couch so you can lie while I work? »  
« Sounds good to me. » She smiled.  
« But you have to promise to not disturb me. »  
« I didn’t say a thing! » She screamed falsely outraged.  
« You were looking at me! »  
« So? »

She laughed again when he blushed even more and shook his head. Ben prepared the new bed for her and buried her under the thick blanket. She looked so happy to be here with him, surrounded by his books that he could not refuse her this simple pleasure. But when he went back to work, her body tensed at the sound of a female voice rising from his laptop. She had stopped reading her book but she was still turning the pages. Ben studied the way her face was staying aware of everything he and the girl were saying. She even frowned and bit her lip when the student giggled at one of his comment.

« I see we’re having fun. » She said in a not-so-relaxed tone once he had hung up.  
« Mh? »  
« Do you have many female students? »  
« Are you jealous? »  
« Yes. » She retorted bluntly.

Coiled under the sheets, Rey wasn’t hiding behind her book anymore. She was looking at him, still torturing her lip with her teeth, her fingers clawed on the blanket. It had taken so much time to her to finally admit her feelings that Ben was a bit overwhelmed by the fact she wasn’t handling them very well.

« Why? »  
« For no particular reason. I just want you all to myself. »  
« You have me. »  
« But- »  
« No but. There is no but between you and me. You want some tea? I’m making a pot. »  
« Yes, please. »

He stopped to kiss her before heading downstairs. Ben had to admit her sudden alpha woman attitude was turning him on. When he came back to his office, she was already asleep, her book abandoned on the side. He put on his earplugs and went on with his work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about ending the chapter before letting you guys know what was going on with her pregnancy, but I'm not that cruel, so I hope everybody is fine after that not-so-fun ride. 
> 
> I also wanted to say something about the Lamaze class criticism: I hope none of you were offended if you like the method. We don't have this in Europe (at least not in France), which is why I thought that the difference was interesting. Also, Rey doesn't like to open up, she sees parenting as something painful and difficult. She's also on the medical side of it and is very aware that what happens during birth is not magical and perfect. It's only fair that she would not feel comfortable in sharing pregnancy stuff like that!
> 
> Anyway, that was the trickiest part for me, I hope you guys enjoyed. And I don't know about you, but I can't wait to have Leia back in the story!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there!  
> How is everybody doing??  
> I'm sorry this one got a little delayed, I had so much work to do this week. We're closer to the end now and our favorite future parents still have to find their places together but we're getting there!  
> Thank you again for your comments, your kudos and just the fact that you're reading this story :D Enjoy!

It was her second day without Ben. She was back in their bed, a pile of magazines that Rose had brought the day before when Rey had requested to spend the day with her. Rose was about to give birth to her baby girl and Rey couldn’t believe how large her friend’s belly was. It literally looked like it was swallowing her entirely. The young baker had chosen the right moment to visit her. She was terrified about the idea of spending the rest of the week with Leia Organa. Both seated on the bed and drinking lemonade, they were studying the pros and cons of having their mothers-in-law involved in their love lives.

« At least you’re not gay. » Rose had said. « We had it so bad with Jannah’s parents. But I think they’re handling it better now that they know that a baby is coming. »  
« I know I shouldn’t complain. But you should see her Rose. She’s so charismatic… She doesn’t hate me but I want her to like me so much, you know? It never happened to me before. »  
« Because you care about Ben. » She’d said before wincing and rubbing her belly. « The little goblin is awake. She’s kicking so hard! Is yours this vigorous? »  
« No he’s… very quiet. But I would like him to move more often. Especially after… »  
« Oh God, Rey I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that, I’m sure he’s fine. He just feels it when you need to rest. »  
« Don’t worry. You got a kicker, I got… A shy boy. »  
« My doula said it has nothing to do with the baby’s spirit. Wait until you can’t leave him for one second and you’ll regret those days when he was your sweet bean inside your belly. »

Rey had chuckled, playing with her navel now almost nonexistent. She was happy to know that in addition to two loving parents, her baby boy already had a friend who would be the same age.

« Rose? »  
« Hm? »  
« Would you be his Godmother? »  
« Wh-What? »  
« You’re my first real friend here. And we’ve been going through this together… It’s only fair… »

Without any warning, Rose had started to cry and clapped her hands together. For Rey, seeing someone so happy to be involved in her life was the greatest gift. She had never hoped to be this lucky. At least, that pure moment of bliss had made her forget for a few minutes what was coming the next day. When Leia arrived in her house, Rey was showered and ready to welcome her mother-in-law in her most beautiful home-wear. « This is ridiculous » Ben had said when she had forced him to bathe her at 7 in the morning so she would look good. But he wasn’t the one who was trying to impress his mother. Rey had made her mission to be accepted by Leia Organa, not only for her, but because she wanted Ben and his family to be reunited around their baby.

She heard the woman bustle downstairs and when she finally knocked on the bedroom door, she was carrying a hot teapot and two pieces of cake in fancy plates Rey had never seen in this house. Her face was more relaxed than when she had met her for Christmas and she was wearing a simple jumper with straight-legged pants. Her hair, on the other hand, was neatly braided.

« Good morning, Rey. »  
« Good morning ma’am. »  
« Oh, call me Leia. I brought cake and some green tea. I know you British people prefer black tea, but it’s good for you. It’s going to calm your nerves. »  
« Thank you so much. You don’t have to do all of that… I’m chubby enough. »  
« Nonsense. I hope Ben is not telling you to watch your weight. »  
« Oh no, he’s feeding me like a French duck before the foie gras season. »

Leia chuckled, sipping on her tea and studying Rey. She couldn’t help but blush and avoid her gaze, deferring her attention on her belly. These days, her bump needed extra care and she was all about rubbing and massaging it.

« I did that a lot when I was expecting Ben. Your baby can now hear you and feel your touch. It’s really important that he feels you’re here. »  
« How was Ben when he was young? » She sat, legs crossed, suddenly very at peace with the fact that Leia was here.  
« He was… an amazing kid. Very sensitive, sometimes we struggled to enter in his bubble. He was shutting us out a lot, even as a toddler. But as introvert as he was, he was always there when you needed to feel loved. »  
« That sounds a lot like Ben, yes. » Rey smiled, pushing lightly on her belly where she could feel her boy’s back to make him know she was here.  
« You know, Han and I were never a very stable couple. We had our ups and downs and it affected Ben a lot. Whatever happens between you and my son, just know that you should always protect your child from the weaknesses of your relationship. »

Rey nodded, mentally taking notes. Leia seemed wise and very open to the possibility of a flawed couple. It relieved Rey as if she knew she could share her doubts with Ben’s mom as if she was her own.

« I never had any parents… or parenting advice, for the matter. »  
« You know what? It doesn’t matter, Rey. You’ll do your best. Grandparents are just here to help you when you feel hopeless. »

Rey relaxed and rested her back on the pillows, the plate of cake laid on the top of her stomach. Everything would be fine.

« I love your son, you know. »  
« Oh, I know. There’s no such thing as a woman who doesn’t know how to take care of herself. If you didn’t love him, you wouldn’t be there with him. »

Leia came everyday to take care of Rey. Sometimes they would spend hours in her room talking about life, sometimes the mom-to-be would show her things on internet to make her laugh, sometimes Leia would just let her rest while making dinner for Ben’s return. Rey was so thankful Ben had forced her to spend time with his mother and create a real bond between the two women. She learned that Leia was a fierce, brave woman who had spent most of her life fighting for human’s rights, she even worked for a democratic congressman for years. She had traveled around the world, her son following her everywhere she went when he was a young child.

The questions were burning Rey’s lips, though. She wanted to know so badly why Ben had felt so rejected by his parents who obviously loved him very much. On a Saturday afternoon, when she felt vigorous enough to stand on her two feet, Rey looked for him in the house. He was nowhere to be found but she could hear thuds coming from the garage. The timid sun of early March was lighting up the whole living room. Rey took a deep breath, enjoying the way the bright light was warming her skin up. She was so pale from days spending locked in her room but it would soon be over. She slowly walked to the kitchen and pushed on the door leading to the garage, climbing down the steps with caution. And Rey was not disappointed by what she saw.

A white tank top sticking to his sweaty skin, Ben was currently sanding the edges of what looked like a brand new crib. The main door was open to let the light and fresh air enter and he had displayed all kinds of wooden furnitures in the alley. Some were new, some seemed vintage and a strong smell of varnish hit her nose as she entered without making any noise. Ben had not seen her. He kneeled by the crib and rubbed insistently the sandpaper on the foot of the piece. Rey walked closer, studying the beautifully rounded shaped bars, the sculpted head and the eggshell paint pot he had opened in the corner. When Ben finally noticed her, his eyes balled and he immediately made her sit on a filthy chair.

« Ben… what are you doing? » She protested.  
« It was supposed to be a surprise! Why are you out of bed? »

She looked at him, damp with sweat, the top of his hair tied up in a half ponytail, his face reddened from the effort. For how long had he been working on all of this?

« Are you making his entire bedroom yourself? »  
« Yeah. » He shrugged as if it was the most natural thing to do.

Rey stood up slowly and walked to the crib, studying it, brushing the raw wood with the pulp of her fingers.

« It’s so beautiful, Ben. I didn’t know you could make all of these. »  
« Remember when I injured myself? »  
« I’m glad you gave it another try. » She giggled. « Did you finish anything? »

Ben nodded, the excitement blooming on his face. He walked to a corner of the room and unveiled a dresser. It was eggshell, just like paint pot, with three drawers. On top, Ben had carved a sun, a moon crescent and a star shaped holes on an ornament and painted each knob with a soft champagne shade. It really looked like he had worked a lot on it.

« I want to finish the crib and the changing table early enough so I can clear the office and start painting the room. »  
« But… you can’t do that all by yourself. »  
« Poe is going to give me a hand. But we have to act quick because we don’t want the baby to sleep around the fresh paint. I also retrieved that old rocking-chair in my parents’ attic. I’m going to paint it too and change the cushions. »

If she was not in a fragile condition, Rey would have ran to him and jumped in his strong arms. She knew that even with the extra weight, his body would have stayed steady because he was strong like that. Instead, she invited him in the kitchen to pour him a glass of fresh water and sat in front of him, feeling her legs shaking a little from the effort.

« You’re crazy, you know that? »  
« Are you pleased? Is it a good surprise? »  
« Are you kidding me? It’s amazing. And so personal. He’s going to have the best bedroom ever. I don’t know how to thank you for this. »  
« Thank me? »  
« You know what I mean… for being so good to us, to me. »  
« You’re growing a human in your stomach, I can’t beat that. »

She giggled and laid her hand on his. He was hot, almost feverish and he smelled like he had just exercised. In other circumstances, Rey’s lips would have already been all over him. She had to go back to bed but she was dying to spend more time with him, to watch him work the wood with his mighty hands. As if he was reading in her mind, he went back to the garage for a minute and came look for her. He had put a lounge chair under the sun so she could stay with him and enjoy the show. And what a show! Under her blanket, she was rubbing her feet together, watching him cut, polish and varnish the pretty crib as he was wiping his forehead with the back of his hand.

« Why are you mad at your parents? » She asked, sipping on the green tea he had just brought to her.  
« Because they forgot me when I needed them the most. » He answered before blowing the wooden dust out of the way. « They were self-absorbed by their jobs, their hobbies, their problems and… because I wasn’t the type to express myself they thought it was just because I didn’t want to. »  
« They love you, you know. »  
« Yeah, I know. They’re just clumsy when it comes to tell people how they feel. For my dad it’s a game. For my mom it’s a question of ego. »  
« I’m sure they regret it. »  
« Maybe… But I can’t afford to be mad. We have more important things to deal with. »

He sat on the floor, his long and strong legs crossed and started to dip the brush into the varnish. Rey wished she could erase his pain, just like he was trying for her everyday. His attitude toward her hadn't change even when she had told him she was a nobody. On the contrary, since he’d always considered her like a gem, he kept doing what he knew best: nurture and love her. He was seeing the darkness inside her and maybe he saw himself in it. Rey didn’t know what love was before she met him, now she couldn’t live without. But the fact that Ben was so categorical about his childhood hurt her. She wanted him to be happy, to think about his family as a good part of his life.

Soon, they welcomed a party of people in the house and for the first time Rey felt like a hostess. She couldn’t do much, forced to stay seated but she was making sure everybody had something to drink and eat. Poe, Finn, Jannah and Rose had come to help Ben build the bedroom. Of course, Rose was on the couch with Rey, ordering people around and laughing at Poe’s dirty jokes. Her friend was so close to term she could barely walk.

“I can’t believe you’re going to be a mother in like… two weeks!” Rey said, her hand rubbing her own belly as to find reassurance in her own upcoming motherhood.  
“I can’t wait… I can’t bear the weight any longer.”

She was about to express her compassion, herself having trouble to do anything at all, when someone rang on the door. Poe ordered her to stay put and she watched him open the door, a stain of sweat already covering the back of his sandy tank top. They didn’t expect anyone else but the two people walking inside warmed her heart instantly. Leia was carrying a big bag Rey could bet was filled with homemade food and Han was casually standing behind her, his hands stored in the pockets of his jeans. He looked around, probably in his son’s house for the first time since forever.

“We couldn’t let you kids do everything by yourselves!” Leia happily snorted.

Ben was coming down the stairs, his eyes widening in shock, a lock of hair falling on his forehead while the rest was tied up in a manbun Rey had done in the morning. He wiped the sweat on his temples and Rey locked her eyes on him, trying to figure out what he was thinking. To everyone’s relief, his shoulders relaxed and a shy grin curled up on the corner of his mouth. He bent to kiss his mother on the cheek and reached for his dad’s hand before being crushed against his old man’s chest in an affectionate hug.

“Thank you for coming.” Rey said, noticing that Ben - now blushing and looking at his feet - had trouble opening his mouth to talk to them.  
“We figured you needed help to do this easily.” Leia added, disappearing in the kitchen.  
“I brought my tool box, son.”  
“Thanks, we need to move everything downstairs but you’ll come help us once there’s nothing heavy to lift.”  
“What? Don’t insult me, kid. Your father still got it.”

And just like that, the four men disappeared upstairs. Jannah whizzed down, obviously upset.

“This is becoming a contest of who can lift the heaviest stuff without help. I’ll go back when they’re done playing and one of them has to go to the chiropractor.” She said, falling on the couch and instantly rubbing her wife’s belly.

A plate of cake rested on the top of her stomach, Rey watched the joyful ballet of sweaty, cursing men, clearing Ben’s office. Downstairs, the women filled the boxes with the professor’s books. Ben looked particularly sad every time he would see them close one.

“They’re not forever gone, you know?” Rey said to him.  
“I know…”  
“He’s just sad because for 31 years, books were his only friends.” Poe laughed, earning a middle finger from Ben followed by a snort from Leia.

Rey smiled, relieved to see Ben surrounded, to feel they were accepted and supported through this. When she had found out she was pregnant, it was just her and the baby. Now, she had a whole family all to herself. The baby boy kicked a bit in her stomach and she felt the bliss again, happy thoughts cuddling the baby in her womb and waking him from his nap. He was moving a lot these days, turning in her belly, unfolding his hands, stretching his limbs until there was no room anymore. Maybe he won’t be so calm, after all.

When the room was cleared and cleaned, they all grabbed a brush and started painting it. She could hear the distant laughters and wished she could take a nap upstairs but the smell of fresh paint was already intoxicating her. Leia brought her outside, laying her down on a lounge chair under the sun and brought with her another bag she had left in her car.

“What’s that?” Rey asked curiously.

Leia answered her question by opening the bag and taking out a big wooden box she opened under her eyes. It was filled with baby clothes and toys from another time. She gently grabbed a little pyjama ensemble, feeling the softness under her fingers. It was so small, how could a human be this tiny and fit inside this? Her eyes opened wider when she noticed the little “B” embroidered on the blue collar of the world’s smallest bodysuit.

“It was Ben’s?” She asked, her heart filled with a kind of tenderness she had not felt for him yet.  
“Yes… His first clothes. He grew up so fast, they’re almost new. I kept them all! I still got boxes at home for when your son will be bigger but I figured it would be silly to keep all of this since you’re going to need them.”  
“Oh my… It’s so pretty… Did you embroider everything yourself?” Rey was already digging deeper in the box, looking through Ben’s childhood as she unfolded the clothes.  
“Yes. It was something women would do in the past. I’m afraid I probably should have spent more time with him than preparing for his arrival.”  
“Mh… Ben is happy you’re here, you know? He doesn’t say it, but he is. And I can’t believe there was a time he was this small.” She chuckled, holding a tiny pair of white socks with lace around the ankle.  
“Oh you’ll see!” Leia laughed. “One day you’ll blink and your son will suddenly be taller than you. But he’ll always be your baby.”

Leia’s tender gaze slowly turned to the garage door where Ben was showing Han his latest works. The crib, the dresser, the changing table, the closet… He had outdone himself. Rey looked at them too, spinning a little car made of wood in her hands. Those were his toys too. Besides some bite marks here and there that Rey noticed, they looked brand new.

“Ben was a chewer.” Said Leia with a smile.

Rey wanted to show Ben all of this, to ask him more about his childhood but she knew it was easier for him to forget and move on. His baby clothes scattered around her were his last memories and they would go to their son. Leia had promised Rey she would bring her another box of clothes before the birth and she was already excited to dive in her lover’s childhood.

When the house was quiet again and they were finally just the two of them, Ben joined Rey in the bedroom after taking a long cold shower and she felt another sense of responsibility toward him. She had realized how much he needed to find a family too. She patted the mattress next to her and watched him fall heavily, his wet hair crowning his head on the pillow. He closed his eyes when she started to caress his forehead with the pulp of her fingers. He fell almost instantly asleep, probably exhausted by the long weekend he had and all the work waiting for him at Uni on Monday. Rey watched him sleep, his lips slightly parted and kissed his entire face, drawing little smiles of bliss. She would do anything to make sure his nights were now filled with happy dreams.

****

“So how is she? Is Rose okay? What does the baby look like?!”

Ben had not spent one second in the bedroom, undoing his shoelaces and getting rid of his hoodie that Rey was already all over him. Rose and Jannah’s baby was born this morning and Ben had been to the hospital to congratulate the parents and meet the little Paige, named after Rose’s late sister. Rey, bedridden for weeks, frustrated by the lack of action in her life and missing the hospital work, was now another level of moody for not having the chance to visit the couple too. And Ben couldn’t hold this against her.

“She’s… small.”  
“That’s it? That’s all you’re going to feed me?”  
“I took pictures for you.”  
“Show me!” She urged him.

Ben took his phone out of his pocket and handed the device to the hungry woman. He could hear her hum and squeak at the sight of the smallest thing Ben had ever seen. He wasn’t a baby type, nor did he have many friends who were already parents. For him, it was all new. In that hospital room, he had finally realized that the same thing was going to happen to him, very soon. It was all real. Making the bedroom, having Rey around, going to doctor’s appointments… It had been the easy part. But when Jannah had laid the small Paige in his arms that afternoon, he had understood that he was going to be a father, there was no turning back now. And that feeling scared the shit out of him.

Ben escaped quietly the bedroom and found refuge in the bathtub, washing away his thoughts. He had been so busy taking care of Rey and her insecurities that he had forgotten he had some too. His childhood was nowhere nearly as horrendous as Rey’s, but still… how could he know how to be a good father? He had no memory of his dad doing anything to understand him when he was young… what if he sucked at this too? He wanted that baby, he already loved him with everything he had. But was it enough to be a good parent?

That night, he lied still next to Rey, facing the wall because he couldn’t look at her stomach. He had been silent and she had not seemed to notice the change in his attitude. But he wasn’t able to soothe the race in his chest, the loud noise of his heart beating in his brain. They still had a few days to go, maybe two weeks, but then, it was him, Rey and a tiny human who depended on them to survive and thrive. As prepared as he had thought he was, Ben was realizing he had been a fool, he had played himself and now, he had no idea how to voice these feelings. Rey was looking at him like a hero, he could not fail her, especially when she needed a stable environment to feel safe.

That was how Ben was rolling: he would not speak and look for help because he didn’t know how to talk about his doubts. He'd wait until someone would knock on his door and ask him how he felt. Rey said nothing about his new behavior. Locked in his own mutism, he spent day after day thinking this through, sorting his thoughts alone, no words coming out of his mouth. He was unable to talk and it was killing him. He listened to her every evening ranting about how bored she was, telling him what she and Leia had talked about during the day and he barely answered, frightened by what he could tell her. Because the more he was shutting down the world around him, the more he grew angry that no one was helping him. This time, Leia was taking care of Rey, nobody was paying attention to him. And as selfish as it felt, Ben couldn’t stop the angry thoughts poisoning his brain.

One night, as he was absent-mindedly washing the dishes, her voice rose up suddenly.

“Can you answer me?”  
“What? Sorry, I didn’t hear.”  
“Or you weren’t listening. It’s been days since you’ve been like this. I can’t take any more of your humming. What’s wrong with you?”

Ben sighed, dried his hands and prayed that he would not lose his temper. He didn’t really like being cornered to talk, especially if she was using that tone. But how could she know what was happening, he wasn’t saying a word for days. She had waited more than a week to talk to him about it and was now guilty of two things: not opening his mouth sooner and blaming her for not caring more about him. He didn’t want to fall in his old quirks, but the old demon inside of him had awakened as soon as he had felt threatened. Now, he was pondering his thoughts day and night, fully convinced he was useless, wouldn’t be able to raise his kid properly and would disappoint Rey in the end.

“There’s nothing wrong.” Said Ben, trying to hide the trembling in his voice.  
“Ben… you can talk to m-”  
“Well, I don’t want to!”

He fled her gaze, knowing exactly what he would find: her brows pinched together, her teeth scarring her lips and sad eyes trying to read him. He didn’t want to talk, he wanted her to know what was going on. He had rarely been aggressive toward her, and never since she moved in with him. In fact, everything had been perfect. He was making a mess of everything himself.

“Don’t shut me out. I’m not your parents.” She tried with a soft voice and Ben hated himself even more when he answered drylier.  
“I said, I don’t want to talk. You’re a doctor, I’m sure you can understand that.”  
“Fine.” She snorted. “I don’t know what I did to you but when you’re done acting like a teenager you know where to find me.”  
“Stop being condescending.”

Rey closed the magazine she was reading a minute before and looked at him from the couch where she was sitting. She looked adorable with her hair braided, even when her nose scrunched and her eyes stabbed him like knives through his heart.

“What is your fucking problem, Ben?” This time, she wasn’t sweet anymore.  
“I don’t have any, why don’t you give me a break?”  
“I can’t if you’re talking to me like I did something to you!”  
“Oh, so it’s okay for you to be a bitch but I can’t have ONE moment when I don’t want to be around you?”

He was lying. Being around Rey was the only thing that kept him sane. But she was also reminding him he was going to be a father every time he looked at her stomach. Right now, she had her mouth fully opened, probably searching for something to say, something that wasn’t too mean even if he had just been a jerk.

“Why are you so mean? You don’t want me around anymore?”  
“You didn’t want me around either if I recall correctly.” He was an ass.  
“I can’t believe you would say something like that to me. After all I said to you, after everything that happened.”

“I’m sorry”, he thought, but nothing came out of his mouth. She stood weakly, her hand supporting her huge belly, her legs trembling under his weight. He shouldn’t be this aggressive, not now, not ever.

“I’m going to bed.” She said dryly. “You’re not in a sane state right now and I won’t hold it against you because I know you. But don’t think it is okay to insult me because you’re not feeling good. I’m not your mom, I won’t let you do it.”

He watched her climb the stairs, one step at a time, cursing himself for making her feel worse than she already was. But he couldn’t say anything, not when he had not found the words to explain what was happening inside his head. So, instead of going upstairs, tell her how sorry he was and let her rock him to sleep, he took his jacket and went outside. It was better if he stepped back for awhile. The night was already dark, the fresh breeze made his hair dance around his face and he closed his eyes for a minute. The street was quiet, that was why he had chosen this neighborhood when he had bought the house. He loved the silence, the safety of this part of town.

His feet led him to the old tree in the back of the garden and he fell on a decrepit bench, thankful for this moment of bliss and silence. It was just him, the dark skies above his head and the smell of fresh cut grass. Rey was probably too mad to be worried right now. He had transformed in an obnoxious asshole so she could use some alone time, away from him too. Ben needed to feel lonely to realize he had it all with Rey. He was already missing her, her cold skin when she was pushing the blanket away at night, the taste of her tongue, her hair on his face when he was spooning her… He could never have better than Rey. He didn’t even deserve her, her sweetness and strength.

Ben was still feeling guilty he had pressured her so much during the pregnancy. She wasn’t saying a word about it, probably convinced she deserved to be punished for doing what every woman should be allowed to do even when they’re carrying a child. What if he was hard on his son too? What if he reproduced the same method his father used with him? What if he shut the kid out just like he did to Rey? He couldn’t just let these thoughts go and think everything would be okay when the baby would be born. He needed insurance that he was going to be a good dad and he had no idea how to figure this out. He had asked Rey to trust him, to trust life and now he was digging holes in the mud with his slipper and everything was shitty.

Ben didn’t know how long he stayed there, but he only realized it was getting late when he shivered from the cold wind. Though, when he came in front of the house, he didn’t climb the stairs to the porch. Instead, he went into his car, started the machine and drove. He had no destination, he just wanted to clear his head, enjoy the city when the streets were almost empty. He opened the window and let the cool air wash away his thoughts, emptying his brain and making him finally breathe again. Rey was home, safe and he just needed to find himself back in order to confide.

The young man stopped by the harbor and sat at the end of a pier to look at the emptiness of the sky, melting with the ocean in the dark horizon. It was peaceful, quiet and only the soothing sound of the water licking the boats could be heard. Ben looked down and thought about how he would like to be a fish, rocked by the waves, coiled in the safety of the sea, away from the violence of being a human and dealing with life in general. Het threw a little pebble in the water and watched its silvery shape sink, quickly disappearing in the black sea.

Everything had been bright since Rey had understood that he wanted her happiness and she was deserving of it. The tide had shifted the day she had moved in with him. But now, he was like the little rock vanishing into the abyss, pulled down by his own thoughts. He wanted to scream but there was no one to scream at now, no door to slam, no one but him to blame. He was an adult and soon, another young and vulnerable boy would need him and look up to him. What would he, out of all people, be proud to teach to his son? Ben swallowed the lump in his throat and bit his cheeks to hold back a tear. “You’re not a child anymore.” He said for himself, his chin still wobbling.

He was so scared, so broken by his own fear that he almost dreamed about giving Rey the key to his house and disappear somewhere, where nobody would know him. Of course, he would never do that but the idea of starting over was appealing. If he could, he would give Rey more time, lure her into his arms until she was ready to accept his love. He would date her for years before asking her to marry him and they would start a family in a conventional way. This would give him the chance to be prepared, to know what he was capable of, to be sure Rey and him would be the best item for their children. Now, he was scared to death. This was not the right way to have a kid.

Ben took his phone out of his pocket and looked at the mess on the screen: 12 missed calls, 7 voicemails and 23 texts. Everyone had jumped in, Rey, Leia, Poe… The phone indicated he had been gone for three hours now and he should probably go home. But for that, he would have to read Rey’s texts and listen to her voicemails to know in which state he was going to find her back home. And Ben wasn't ready for that. As he was about to shut down the device, a name appeared on the screen and he instantly took the call.

“Dad…?”  
“Ben, where are you?!” Han sounded alarmed.  
“I’m at the harbor.”  
“What the fuck, kid? Everybody is worried, your mother wants to call the cops. I told her you’re probably sulking somewhere in town.”

Ben chuckled sadly, sniffing and trying to ignore the lump coming back in his throat. But Han didn’t miss that sound.

“Hey… are you okay?”

“No dad, I’m not.” That was what he wanted to say, but nothing came and he hated himself for it. His pasty mouth was desperately shut, his jaw tense and his teeth probably about to break from the pressure.

“Ben, I know… I know things have not been easy for you or for Rey lately. But you’re doing great, everything is going to be fine.”  
“How do you know I went away because of this?” Ben said, not hiding his trembling voice anymore.  
“Because you’re my son and I know you. You’re scared and oh boy… I was barely older than you when your mother got pregnant. She was this tiny, feral woman and she was carrying my child. Well, I can tell you that I was a mess and she was holding the fort.”  
“Sounds like mom.” Ben smiled, his sight blurred by the tears now running down his cheeks.  
“Yeah, she was a real pain in the ass.” Han laughed. “I haven’t been the best father to you but the one thing I know is that I loved you the minute I saw you. You were all pink and gooey, but I loved your whiny face right away, kid!”

Ben listened to his father joke about his birthday and the sorrow weighing on his chest slowly left. Something about hearing his father telling him he loved him was healing him.

“You and Rey have something special. Even if you fight, you’ll always find each other, just like your mother and I. You want this, Ben. I know you want to have a kid and you want it with her. Don’t let your fears destroy everything."  
"But, how can you tell I'm not gonna mess it up? I don't feel ready for this!"  
"Nobody ever is, Ben. But you will find a way to handle things properly. You have outdone me the minute you faced me years ago and told me I was a lousy father and a shitty husband. It takes courage to do that.”  
“Thanks, dad…”  
“Rey and Leia are very similar in some ways… They’re tough and strong but they’re good listeners and they have compassion. Talk to her…”

Next thing Ben knew, he was in his car, driving home, his heart swelling in his chest. When he parked in the alley, he could see the lights were all off except the one in the bedroom. She was going to scream, be mad and maybe throw things at him but it didn’t matter. He had really messed up, he deserved it. And he was also going to take it _like a man_ , and lay his feelings at her feet, _like a man_.

When he stood on the doorstep of the bedroom, she was seated on the bed, legs crossed, her eyes puffy and red but he could read exactly what she was thinking: disappointment and fear. He kicked his shoes and took off his jacket, resting it on the back of a chair. She watched him do it, her eyes following his motions and not leaving him even to blink. Her jaw was so pressed he could count the muscles in the diffuse light of the room. He was in no position to make a grand gesture now. All he could do was to beg her to forgive him.

“Rey, I-”  
“You what?” She hissed.  
“I’m sorry.”

She didn’t move, didn’t flinch, didn’t laugh at him. She was just staring deeply into his eyes, making him feel all the pain he had inflicted her. They didn’t need to talk and he couldn’t not flee her gaze now that she was looking for answers.

“I did something awful.”  
“What is _that_ exactly?”  
“I left you alone.” He started, aware that he could not fail this interrogatory. “I didn’t call or text… I let you worry over me when I should have been there for you and the baby.”  
“That’s not the worse thing you did.” She was still so dry it hurt Ben. “You broke my trust. I trusted you with everything I have to be true to me, to never hide anything from me.”

This time, Ben wanted to look everywhere but on her. Her gaze was too strong to be defied, but he braced himself and took a deep breath to live by his words and let her talk.

“I can understand if you need to be alone sometimes. Gosh! That’s all I can think about too!" She sighed with annoyance. "But I’ve never hid how I’m feeling from you. Do you know how you made me feel, Ben? Useless, betrayed and lost! I thought that maybe I did something wrong, maybe you were running away from me because you realized I was an awful person and you regretted having us around and-”

Ben cut her on the spot. He couldn’t stand hearing what she was saying because it was far from reality. He fell at her feet on the side of the bed, his hands gripping hers, his head buried between her legs. His heart was racing fast in his chest at the thought that she had been miserable and he had been the cause of this. She didn’t touch him or show affection even when he started crying, saying how sorry he was between sniffles and sobs. She would need more than a pathetic spectacle, this he knew. But letting all out was cathartic, draining and emptying his brain. His silence had been so heavy to bear, every tear he shed was painfully relieving. When she finally allowed herself to touch his hair, brushing it behind his ear, he lifted his head and looked at her. She was crying too.

“I love you.” His broken voice echoed in the silence of the room. “I’d give my life for you. I just… felt so overwhelmed and so clueless, I didn’t know how to deal with everything happening so fast. I felt like the worst person on Earth and… there’s nothing more frightening to me than to realize I could do something wrong to you or the baby.”

Rey kindly wiped his tears away, listening to him in silence. She could feel he wasn’t done.

“You always think you’re undeserving of love but look what I did to you when you’re at your most vulnerable… I’m so selfish for doing that to you but I… panicked. I needed a way out. I just have no idea what I’m doing and it hit me so hard when I saw Paige.”

She invited him on the bed by pulling on his henley and he couldn’t resist the urge to wrap himself around her, his head pillowing on her chest, burying his nose in her scent. Her fingers were playing with his hair in silence, like she needed some time to process what he had just said. He could feel she was still tensed. Finally, she opened her mouth.

“I don’t want you to feel like you have to carry the baby and I on your shoulders and never complain until you can’t take it anymore. We’re both blind and terrified. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to see when you hit rock bottom. But you can’t expect me to fly to the rescue when I’m feeling unwanted. This relationship is too fragile for us to hide things from each other.”

Ben nodded, listening to the softness of her voice, his heart swelling under her touch. She understood him, she wasn’t mad he was not perfect. She was terrified to lose him because of a misunderstanding, just like he was.

“I love you, Ben. I’m sorry I don’t tell you more often. But I do.”

He lifted his head and this time, kissed her. Their lips were dry but their cheeks wet. Still, he loved the way her body was melting against his when he deepened the kiss, tilting his head to the side. He cursed that placental abruption for not allowing him to make love to Rey that night. He needed her closeness, her breath choking in her throat, the hot layer of sweat on her back and between her breasts and her toned thighs clenching around his hips when he was thrusting between her legs. But this had to wait. Instead, he kept kissing her, finally drawing a smile on her lips between love declarations.

“Do you forgive me?” He asked, caressing her tiny nose with the tip of his.  
“Of course… I trust you won’t make the same mistake twice. And I can’t be mad for too long when you pulled exactly what I did to you a few months ago. That doesn’t mean I’m not hurt and think you did right.”

She smiled while undressing him, pulling him under the blanket in the safe haven of their bed. She found her place again, her back against his front, his hands circling her belly and his breath in the crook of her neck. Rocked by him, Ben felt Rey slowly falling asleep, her body surrendering to his caresses. Watching her peaceful face, he wondered what he had done to deserve this woman by his sides.

****

Ben grunted when he felt someone shaking his shoulders vigorously. He opened his eyes, growled and looked at Rey bent over him with the bedside lamp turned on. His lids heavy, his eyes were burning like hell and he was about to go back to sleep when he realized he was lying on something wet and warm. He opened his eyes again, his heart jumped suddenly in his throat at the thought he would find another pool of blood under Rey’s body. But there was none, just a large stain, as if they had spilled warm water on the sheets. She was already getting out of bed, urging him to dress up and start the car. He watched his life passing in his brain while Rey was already ditching her nightgown, looking for something more appropriate.

“Ben! Wake up! I need you, now!”  
“Fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why, but I feel like Ben Solo would build his babies' cribs himself, what do you think?  
> Also, we love a vulnerable man who knows when he messed up ♡  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter and you're ready for what comes next!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> As always, I hope everybody is doing fine! I don't know about you, but we still a month to go in quarantine here in France, so I'm kinda bummed about it but it gives me more time to write and do stuff for myself. I'm trying to see the glass half-full.  
> Anyway, just a quick warning about this one: LABOR!  
> If you've read everything, you're probably not triggered by this and aware of what is going to happen, but I'd rather warn :)

Ben jumped on his feet and ran to the bathroom to get a big splash of cold water on his face. Crossing his reflection in the mirror, he realized how pale and frightened he looked. But now wasn’t the time to back off. Rey needed him. Rey, who he had abandoned, who could have been alone tonight if Han had not forced him to come home. Rey, who was the love of his life, carrying his baby with both strength and vulnerability. She entered the bathroom and undressed, filling the bathtub with hot water.

“What are you doing?” He urged her.  
“The hospital said I had the time to take a shower and come. So wash me quickly!”  
“What? That’s what you’re thinking about?”  
“My contractions are not too close for now, there is no way I’m giving birth smelling like a wild animal! This could take hours.”

Ben helped her in the tank and joined her and washing them both at the same time in a hurry. Ben had trouble containing his excitement and his shaky hands betrayed his state of mind. At some point, she even laughed when the strong water jet hit him right in the face. At least, she wasn’t too nervous about it. He dressed them both, grabbed her maternity bag on his shoulder and carried her to the car. Her hands were tightly gripping his neck but her thumb was caressing the base of his nape as if she was trying to soothe him. Ben drove carefully, still aware the placenta could endanger her and parked right in front of the door. This should be a quiet night, he thought. 

The nurses gave Rey a room all to herself, greeting the surgeon with empathic smiles and pep talks. But Ben could see how embarrassed she was that so many people knew her and would watch over her. Maybe they should have picked another hospital for the birth. She needed her privacy.

“Are you okay?” He asked once she was in her scrub, lying on the medical bed, linked to machines and monitors.  
“Hm… Better than I thought I would be.”  
“Are you in pain?”  
“Not so much. At least for the moment. Rose told me it’s not awful in the beginning. I just feel like my uterus is shrinking.”  
“I can’t say I know what you mean, but I’m here for anything you need.”

She smiled and sipped on the water the nurse brought her. The baby was coming two weeks early but everything seemed in order. After a quick check by the midwife, they knew he was in the right position to come to them and that everything would finally be fine. Now, all they had to do was to wait. Ben sat on the chair and studied Rey closing her eyes and wincing from time to time. There was nothing he could do but be there and prove her he was done with the childish behavior. 

When the first real bad contraction hit her, she didn’t let a sound out of her mouth. But Ben instantly grabbed her hand and let her squeeze it as hard as she needed. Ben didn’t know what to expect from this night, he had no idea what Rey was going through. She was in pain but said nothing and he started to worry. Hours passed and the midwife still looked at her with an empathic look after checking on her for the fifth time. Nothing was abnormal according to her but if he had to witness Rey suffer this much, at least they could ease her pain a little.

“We can’t inject the epidural just yet, Sir.”  
“But why?” He grunted.  
“Because I can only have it once and I’m not ready to give birth.” Rey said, her face paler than ever and clearly exhausted. “I’d rather suffer a little more but not feel everything when he’s coming out.”

Ben sat down again and sighed, annoyed. The hospital had woken up for several hours now, but it seemed like time had stopped in their room. The minutes were stretching and it felt like they had arrived there three days ago. They were both working on empty stomach. Not that Rey had forbidden him to leave and fetch something to eat for himself, but his guts were so knotted he couldn’t possibly swallow anything. When the light started to decline again, Ben brought ice chips for Rey to chew on. He looked at her, her lids closed in exhaustion, dry lips and muscles tensed. He had never thought childbirth could be so heavy on him too. The fact that he couldn’t help her made everything painful. If only he could take half of her burden he would. She woke up from one of her short drowsiness and made the most out of the time between two contractions to talk to him with a broken voice.

“What are you thinking about?”  
“I can’t believe how brave you are.”  
“Oh.” She smiled weakly and swallowed harshly. “I am because you’re here.”  
“Nonsense. You were ready to do this without me, all alone. I’m just lucky you chose to let me stay.”

She chuckled and reached for his hand. He kissed her knuckles, thanking whoever was responsible for giving Rey to him. 

“I’ve never asked… did you get a girlfriend after I kind of… ghosted you?”  
“Why do you want to talk about this now?” He asked curiously.  
“I need to think about something else than your son ripping me apart.”  
“Hm… As a matter of fact I kinda did.”

She opened her eyes widely, clearly awake now. Ben smiled cheekily, perfectly aware she was as surprised as he he had been that this happened.

“You didn’t tell me!” She almost shouted.  
“Like you said: you never asked!”  
“Now I am… tell me.” She urged him.  
“You sound way too surprised I don’t know how I’m supposed to take this.” He sulked.  
“Don’t make me beg!”  
“Well… I was a bit frustrated that you ghosted me, as you kindly pointed out.” He smiled when she giggled. “So I gave a chance to one of those parties they organize at Uni… Between professors and tutors, not with students of course.”  
“And?” She went on, truly intrigued.  
“And there was this cute archeology professor who had already tried to ask me out several times but I guess I was too clueless to figure it out. So, we went out.”  
“Did you have sex with her?”  
“Rey, I don’t know if you’re just asking me out of curiosity or if you’re so surprised I flirted with someone you need me to prove it to you.”

She smiled again before tearing the sheets in her hands at the next contraction. It looked more and more difficult for her to resist the urge to scream out loud and Ben wished he could make her understand it was okay if she needed to voice her pain. But as soon as the pain went away, she looked back at him, making him understand he had to go on. Maybe distracting her was a good thing after all.

“Yes, we had sex.” Ben couldn’t believe he was still blushing about this.  
“Was it good?”  
“Rey!”  
“I’m not mad… I just want to know if you had a great time.”  
“It was nothing compared to what we have.”  
“Good answer.”  
“I knew this was a test.” They both laughed and he couldn’t help but add something else. “But I gotta tell you… this would have probably never happened if you didn’t push me when we were sleeping together.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“You know… when I thought I couldn’t pleasure you and stuff. You made me confident enough so I dared to try stuff with her. It doesn’t matter what she and I did. It just makes me feel good to know I can be a great lover to you… At least, I hope I am and you’re not faking it.”

He blushed again, his eyes travelling to their laced fingers because he couldn’t face her gaze. But she lifted his chin gently and invited him to kiss her.

“You’re good in bed when you allow yourself to do what you really want.”  
“To be honest, I just want to make you come.” He shrugged.  
“I know.” She brushed his hair backwards. “That’s why you’re so good. And when this is all over and my pussy doesn’t look like the Culloden battlefield I’ll make you feel good too.”

Wiping away his tears of laughter, Ben was marveled by her ability to be cheerful even in pain. That’s what you get for being miserable all your life, he thought. Rey kept laughing even when her screams transformed in moans of pain. She was begging it to stop, to deliver her from that horrendous suffering crushing her back, stomach, thighs… Every part of her seemed painful. He tried to massage her loins, to make her walk in the hallway to help her cervix open but she was now losing her patience. Leia and Han had arrived in the hospital and were waiting for the birth in the waiting room. 

When the midwife came around midnight, she finally smiled to Rey. “He’s very close” she said. Ben felt Rey exhaled with relief even if that meant she still had to give the last bits of her energy to welcome their son into the world. They transferred her in the labor room and injected to her the famous epidural. Ben tried not to say anything when he watched that huge needle coming closer to her back. But at this point, Rey was begging so hard for delivery that she didn’t even jump at the deep sting in her spine. He could feel her shaking hands, see her disheveled hair around her face and still that defiance in her eyes. He helped her back on the bed and caressed her legs while the midwife put them on the stirrups. 

“Don’t faint on me.” She threatened him.  
“I’m not, love. I’m right there.”

And right there he was. The smell of blood, sweat, fear, amniotic liquid… He was feeling it all. His strong Rey was finally letting herself go, grunting and shouting everytime she needed to push. Her hand glistening in his, he took the time to wipe the sweat from her forehead and support her neck when she was lifting her head in the effort. He couldn’t feel a thing but the will to take away her pain, to help her as much as he could. He was scared, there was no need to deny that. Especially when he noticed the blood on the gloves of the midwife and Rey’s muscles shaking in spasms of pain and weariness. 

“I can’t. It’s too hard.” She let a cry out.  
“You’re right there.” The midwife said. “He’s just a bit lazy but we can already see his hair.”  
“He has… hair?” Rey asked with a short breath.  
“Oh yes, beautiful dark hair, just like his dad.”

Ben was dying to see him, his baby, his son with his hair. His heart tightened a bit more when he realized he was so close to meet him. But he couldn’t wrap himself around the thought of looking between her legs. He focused his attention on her, trying to give her his strength. And her eyes locked in his, sharing that same thought: he was theirs, they were going to have him soon. She kept pushing every time the midwife told her to, never letting go of Ben’s hand until the nurses helped her arms between her thighs. Ben shifted just in time to see Rey pulling their son out of her and welcoming him on her chest, thick tears of joy and exhaustion running down her cheeks. The bloody shape moved slowly on her and Ben stayed still. He was watching the nurses clean the baby, congratulating the mother, smiling at him, covering the baby but he couldn’t react. He was here, right against Rey’s chest, looking beautiful, healthy and vigorous. A dark mane of wet hair was brushing Rey’s chin as he slowly opened his mouth and let his first cry out. She was still crying, holding him like the most precious thing, her voice breaking every time she let a cry out and Ben only woke up from his torpor when she reached for his hand. He took a step closer and bent slowly until his nose was right against the smallest ear he had ever seen. 

Ben thought he would always remember the scent of him. A mix of them, a touch of Rey’s womb and the delicate smell of an angel. The baby was skinny, not at all as he pictured babies. But still, his hands were large, his shoulders broad and he looked strong. His plump mouth was already looking for Rey’s breast, sucking on her skin and making everyone in the room fall in love with him.

“Oh he really is a boy!” A nurse said grabbing him slowly. “He’s already so toned and he wants mommy’s milk.”  
“Where are you taking him?” Rey said, distress clearly noticeable in her voice.  
“We’re going to wash him, check if everything is fine and we’ll bring him back to you for feeding once you’re ready to take care of him, okay? The dad can come with us.”  
“I can’t… I don’t-” Ben didn’t want to leave Rey’s side.  
“Go. I can be by myself, he can’t.”

Rey pushed him out of the labor room and he followed the nurse. They had waited months, hours in that hospital room and now, everything was happening so fast since he was born. Ben was paying attention to everything they were doing to him because he couldn’t take his eyes off his perfect son shouting loud and struggling to open his eyes. It’s only when they asked him if he wanted to take off his shirt and hold him close that the little thing looked at him. His eyes were green, just like Rey’s. He had a plump mouth and a small nose. He couldn’t tell who he looked like the most but did it really matter? Slowly, his own skin warmed the baby’s who yawned in his neck. This moment of pure bliss lifted all his doubts. The baby had a brand new and velvety skin. His little hands were looking for things to grab, discovering the touch of his father’s skin and even the smell of it. Little by little, his eyes closed in content as he rested his head against Ben’s chest. All the new dad could think about right now, was to go back to Rey with their son and call his mom and dad to meet the best thing he had ever done in his life.

***

It was still dark outside when Rey heard the low steps of Han and Leia entering the room. Ben was on the chair, holding the baby, his eyes never leaving his tiny round face. Rey had trouble staying awake but she couldn’t stop looking at the both of them. She smiled when Leia kissed her forehead and Han greeted her with a light stroke on her cheek. The two grandparents waited until Ben handed them his son. She studied his face and she couldn’t see any resistance. He was trusting his parents with the baby without hesitation. Leia was the first to hold the little package wrapped in a soft white blanket.

“I recognize this… this was Ben’s birth blanket.” Leia said with a smile widening at the sight of the tiny boy.  
“I thought he would be perfect in it. He looks so cosy.”  
“Ben, he looks so much like you. He’s going to have your nose, that’s for sure.” His mother went on.  
“As long as he doesn’t have my ears.”

Rey chuckled and winced. She was still store everywhere and the anesthesia had completely disappeared. She could feel everything, including a brand new pain due to the few stitches she had earned right after Ben had left the room with her baby. She was not ready to talk about this yet, she just wanted to see her family surrounding her little one while she recovered from labor. 

“What’s his name?” Leia asked, rocking him slowly.  
“We didn’t announce it to the nurses yet but…” Rey breathed in. “We were thinking that he could be a Rafael.”  
“That’s a good name, Rafael. A strong one for a fierce boy. Just like he is after everything you went through. Don’t you think Han?”

Ben’s father had not said a word but he couldn’t take his eyes off of Rafael. Leia slowly laid the little bean in his strong and tanned arms and took a step back. Both Ben and Han were looking at the baby, stunned by his tiny fingers trying to grab something and his eyes slowly opening to look at the two generations before him. 

“He doesn’t want you guys to see it, but I know he’s going to cry once we get home.” Leia whispered in Rey’s ear.

The young mother wasn’t in a state of mocking her father-in-law. Instead, she wanted to cry, relieved her son could help Ben to be reunited with his own dad. The perfect scene was interrupted by a friendly face who appeared on the doorstep with a smile.

“I hope I’m not disturbing the family reunion.” Poe said while approaching silently, his white doctor scrub sill on his back.  
“Oh no, you’re always welcomed.” Leia hugged him and invited the surgeon to meet her grandson. “Isn’t he perfect?”  
“He is. Wow, Ben. You win at life, buddy.”

Han struggled handing the baby to Poe, threatening him with his menacing eyes until he finally surrendered. To no one’s surprise, Poe was already singing a lullaby to Rafael who was hypnotized by his voice filling the room. While everyone was taking care of him, Rey noticed Ben looking at her. He always had those sparkles in his eyes when he was staring at her, but this was something else. He had never looked at her like that. And she had to wait until everyone was gone for him to talk again. He had brought her water and helped her go to the bathroom. It was hospital residency all over again but this time, they knew everything would be alright.

“You need to rest.” He said, tucking her into bed. “I’m staying… I gave the keys to Poe, he’s going to finish setting everything for the room. Jannah and Rose already made him a list of things he should buy for the baby.”  
“I don’t feel good relying on somebody else to do that. It’s not his responsibility.”  
“He’s happy to do it. Besides, it’s just a couple of diaper packages, cotton pads and baby soap… I’m sure he’ll steal half of it here anyway.”  
“Mh… Don’t make me laugh. It’s hurting everywhere.”  
“Sorry… You’ve been extraordinary. I’ve never seen so much resilience. You’re the best woman in the world.”

Oh, how much she wished she could have her old body back and sleep in his arms just this night, just enough hours so she could be back on her feet tomorrow and take care of her son. But Rafael didn’t seem to agree with that wish and as soon as she closed her eyes, he started crying. They both looked at each other. It was the first time they were alone and the baby needed them. What were they supposed to do?

“Maybe he pooped?”  
“He hasn’t eaten, Ben.”  
“So he needs to eat.”  
“Oh my God, what are we going to do?!”

Rey had no idea how to handle things. The more they were approaching her due date, the more she thought she would figure things out. But the truth was, nothing was natural to her. She had to learn everything from scratch. Right when she was about to lose it, a maternity nurse entered the room with a bottle in her hand.

“Hi there. I was waiting for the little bean to wake up. You wrote to your doctor you didn’t know about the breastfeeding, so I brought a bottle but maybe you want to try?”

Rey searched for answers on Ben’s face but she knew he wasn’t the one supposed to tell her what to do.

“Rey, it’s your choice. I’m there whatever you choose. But don’t forget to not make the wrong choice for the wrong reasons.”

She sighed, aware that Rafael wouldn't stop crying until she was finally making the decision. And she couldn’t take her time now, he was hungry and it was his first meal. The young mother looked at the bottle and slowly lowered the top of her medical blouse. The nurse smiled and helped her uncovering her breast who was now full, round and ready to burst at each new cry her son was voicing. The only thing she knew was that she wanted to have it all: the perfect job and the motherhood… and she was lucky enough to experience everything because she also had a great guy there with her. Everything she didn’t have growing up, she was going to give it to her son. She could feel Ben’s gaze as the nurse was positioning the baby in her arms, helping her feed him for the first time. Struggling at first, Rafael quickly found her nipple, wrapping his tiny mouth around it. She jumped almost at the pull and the unusual sensation of having something coming out of her breast. But the feeling of sharing her warmth and milk with her baby made her forget how uncomfortable and painful this would be after weeks of pulling on her tits, day and night.

“Once he’s done, he’s probably going to fall asleep, okay? I let you guys enjoy the first round.”

The nurse exited the room and it was just the three of them, Ben’s smile, her tears of joy and exhaustion and the suction noises Rafael was making. Drops of milk were starting to glide on his cheek and in his neck and she wiped them, giggling a little.

“He just likes food as much as you do.” Ben chuckled, lying on his side next to her to watch them closely.  
“At least something he got from me.” She pouted.  
“He’s got your eyes… I don’t have pretty eyes like this.”  
“Mh… you’re a charmer.” She smiled, lifting Rafael’s hand with one finger. “He has perfect hands… Look how detailed they are, he’s already moving them so well. He’s going to have your huge paws.”  
“Then he’ll have to find a hand-freak just like his mom.”  
“Mh… Don’t sell it to any woman yet. He’s mine for 40 years, at least.”

***

Rey sighed in relief as she pulled over in the alley. All she could think about was to pick her baby from his bassinet and hug him tight. The young mother had missed him. She had spent all morning at the hospital because a colleague needed a consult for a big surgical operation. A little boy had had a pretty bad bike accident and his hand was crushed. The surgeon had accepted to leave the safety of her house to come back to see if there was anything they could do to save his hand. It had taken hours of inspection, discussion amongst doctors, the parents and they had scheduled the operation for tomorrow afternoon. She would have to explain to Ben that she would have to leave Rafael again but everything would be fine. 

She had given birth almost four months ago and it had been hard to adjust to her new life. After weeks bedridden, Rey was expected to fulfill every needs of her baby, even though she had no idea what she was doing. Slowly, feeling like she wasn’t going to last long, she asked the chief of medicine to give her assignments she could do from home. So Rey became a consultant and sometimes, she could go to the hospital to operate on small things. Leia and Han were the kind of happy grandparents, always ready to come to their place and take care of the little boy. It was the perfect balance because she wasn’t ready to leave Rafael and work full time yet, but she was also craving for the hospital life. 

Rey opened the door and was welcomed by a loud scream coming from the kitchen. She entered and laughed at the sight of Han pretending to drink the bottle and Rafi trying to reach for it. 

“Han!” Warned Leia. “Stop teasing him!”

Han laughed harder when Rafael balled his chubby hand in a tight fist and finally fed him. 

“I see everybody's having fun!”  
“Oh, Rey you’re here. How was it?”  
“It was pretty hard to see the boy’s state… But the good news is that I think I can repair his hand. So, he’s having surgery tomorrow afternoon.”  
“Well, you won’t need us then! Ben called and he said he was going to work from home.”  
“I guess that’s… ideal!”

She mentally blessed Ben for being so understanding. He knew Rey was spending more and more time at the hospital and to keep balance, he was home more than usual. Once Rafael was fed and Rey had time to eat something, Leia and Han left them alone. She wrapped him in a maternity scarf and started doing the laundry waiting for days in the bathroom. She was now used to the housework. It wasn’t her favorite thing to do, by far, and Ben was doing almost everything if she had to be honest. But taking care of her baby’s clothes, making his room perfect, brushing his hair… everything had another taste. She used to not care about herself, her condo or the way she looked. Now, she wanted to feel good for her baby.

Rafael fell asleep against her chest as she was cleaning the mirror in the bathroom and she thought that she could use that time to work on her surgery. Her son coiled in the scarf, she went to the garage Ben had cut in half and transformed in a home office for the both of them. They had two desks so they could work whenever they’d like. It was the perfect setting. Sometimes, late at night, they were both seated behind their screens and enjoying the few hours of quietness to be their own selves when Rafael was sleeping. The good thing was that with a 15 weeks-old baby, there were lots of nap times. If she had taken any chance to sleep when she could at the beginning, Rey wanted to have her old life back now.

Rey started drawing and writing on her board to prepare for her surgery. It was a tricky one, she needed to be sure she was able to save the boy’s hand. The soft smell coming from Rafi’s hair reminded her every second that it could be her son’s limb on the table tomorrow. She needed to be a better doctor, a more human one. She had no idea how long she stayed in the office but when the door behind her opened and the tired face of Ben appeared, she instantly felt the tension in her shoulders and back. She had not put Rafael in his crib for hours and the baby was still asleep. It seemed like grandpa Han had exhausted the poor thing. 

“Hey… what are you doing?” Said Ben, his lips landing on hers.  
“I’m trying to figure out how to save a young boy’s hand, tomorrow in the OR.”

She didn’t know how Ben would feel at the idea she was seriously going back to work now. After all, it was the normal thing to do. Most of the women in America wouldn’t get the chance to have such a long maternity leave. He nodded and looked at her notes, yawning and stretching his limbs. At the sound of his dad’s voice, Rafael opened his eyes and started grumbling. 

“Yes I know. Daddy is here.” Rey sighed in annoyance and unwrapped the baby to give him to Ben.  
“Oh, my grumpy son.” Said Ben, hugging the small but strong bean in his arms.  
“He’s such a daddy's boy.”  
“Don’t be jealous.” He chuckled. “He was all about your tits just last week.”

Rey laughed as she watched them leave the office. She had slowly stopped breastfeeding and if Rafael had been reluctant to the bottle at first, he was adapting very well now that he had realized that everybody was able to feed him. He looked so much like Ben now. He had broad shoulders, huge palms and chubby fingers Rey loved. And when she was holding him on the changing table, his mighty and long legs were already supporting him pretty impressively.

Ben was playing on the couch and studying every new feature on his son’s face. Rafael was growing so fast, even Rey was amazed. She had been so absorbed by her work today, she felt the need to get closer to the both of them before her big day back in the OR tomorrow. She sat on the rug and smiled as Rafael was trying to put both of his feet in his mouth, Ben’s large palm resting on the small stomach. The size difference was cute and made Rey remember how much she missed Ben’s hands on her. 

“Are you okay, babe?” He asked.  
“Yes… I’m just tired and I miss you.”  
“I’m right here.”  
“You know what I mean. I mean, having you all to myself.”

Ben smiled and deferred his attention on the baby babbling and drumming on the pillows. “I miss you too. I just don’t know if you want… that.”  
“I think I do. I just need to find a new birth control method.”

They both giggled and she grabbed his ankle to massage his foot just like he used to do to her when she was expecting. He sighed and closed his eyes for a minute before yawning.

“Yes, well I think we need a little bit more energy to go back to business.”  
“I see that! I just want you to find me pretty and want me this way again.”  
“The fact that you think I’m not seeing you that way is upsetting.”

Rey had no doubt about Ben’s love. But the last months had been so focused on the baby and not their couple that she felt like she needed to find her place again. Ben walked to the kitchen and started to cook. 

“I’m gonna make us dinner… and hopefully he’ll sleep early after his bottle and we can have time for ourselves.”

Now in the bathroom, holding her baby’s head out of the water, she was contemplating his strong body, pale and delicious skin and the way his eyes were widening each time she would wet his hair. Rafael loved water, bath time was his favorite moment of the day and he was always crying when she was wrapping him in warm towels. She watched as his fingers were trying to hold the plastic duck and his long wet lashes charming her like no other guy before.

“You really are a prince, you know that Rafi?”

Rafael yelled happily in response and giggled when she sprinkled drops of water on his tummy. 

“In a few years, you’re so going to love the pool I’m gonna force your dad to build.” She chuckled. “My baby boy…”

Rafael pulled her thumb in his mouth and start suckling on it. She missed the connexion she had with him when she was breastfeeding, but it was for the best. Rafi was adapting very quickly and he was so full of love, it felt like he was the happiest baby on Earth.

“Do you know what your name means, my love?” 

His eyes locked in hers just like every time she was explaining something to him. Rey knew he had no idea what she was talking about, but he listened nonetheless, as if he knew it was crucial. His mother’s voice was the most important and soothing thing in the world and her chest tightened at the thought that she would never be alone again.

“Rafael means healing… you’re my medicine to everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know about you, but I already love parents Ben and Rey and I think Rafael is the cutest little thing.   
> We still got one chapter to go and then I'm done. I really hope you enjoyed this story and the development of these characters.
> 
> I'm currently working on something new, very different from this story and I hope you'll be with me!
> 
> xx


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends!!
> 
> I hope everybody is doing fine!  
> We're coming to the end of this story so this chapter will be pretty short, since it's kind of an epilogue. But I added some steam for you guys, even though that wasn't planned. I thought my characters needed a little bit of this after everything they went through!  
> Enjoy the last chapter of Unplanned!

The sun was already hitting Ben’s nape and he wiped his forehead, sweaty from the effort. He had been working on this custom-made swing for weeks now and everything had to be perfect for today. There were two single swings and one where both Paige and Rafael could sit and play together. He had painted them in pink, blue and yellow just like Rey had suggested and the paint had finally dried last night. In a few hours, all of their family and friends would be in the backyard to celebrate his son’s first birthday and he really wanted his gift to be ready.

He heard Rey coming closer, still wrapped in her silk robe and bringing him a fresh bottle of water. He thanked her and breathed out. They had so many things to do before the afternoon, he just wanted everything to be perfect. Her hand landed on his shoulder as he was tightening the screws one last time.

“I didn’t hear you get up this morning.”  
“That’s because your son woke me up at 5.”  
“What happened? Why didn’t you wake me too?”  
“Probably just a nightmare. And you needed to sleep after the long week you had.”

Rey smiled and brushed the seats of the swing with the tip of her fingers. He would be lying if he said he didn’t want to impress her too. He was a man who loved his books but he knew she liked watching him do stuff with his hands too.

“This is gorgeous, Ben. He’s going to love it.”  
“I know but… I wish I could have decorated it a little more.” Ben shrugged.  
“Stop being pressed about this. And besides, it’s better if the swing is incomplete, he’ll work on it with you when he’ll be able to grab a tool without trying to chew it.”  
“He’s a chewer.”  
“Yeah, I wonder where that comes from.” She retorted snarkily.

Ben shook his head and walked back to the house. At least the sun was out and he had planned to let his dad perform his famous cookout. He fell on the kitchen chair for one minute to catch the freshness of the room. Rey laid a plate of fresh bagels and cream cheese on the table and sat in front of him with her coffee. They had busy lives and barely no time to be alone for more than 30 minutes since Rafael had arrived in their lives a year ago, but it was for the best. This way, they were still learning to know about each other and had no time to fight.

It wasn’t easy, especially for Rey who constantly had to be reassured, but Ben couldn’t see his life to be any different. Rafael and Rey were his family and he felt blessed to have been so lucky. Rey spread the cheese on top of the bread and fed him some with a smile. She was working long hours now, just like before her pregnancy. He didn’t mind slowing down his own job. This way, he could take care of their son and make some changes in the house. He even had a new ongoing project he had not talked about to anyone yet. Ben wanted to write a history book and if he had been too shy to tell Rey, it was because she was brilliant and he wanted the first draft to be perfect before he could show it to her.

She slithered her fingers in his hand, caressing the palm with the pulp of her fingers, drawing tingles and chills as she slowly travelled up to his wrist and forearm. He missed her, he missed her touch. Without warning, he grabbed her leg under the table and brought her foot on his lap. The silky skin under his knuckles was hot and shivering at the same time. In the silence of their kitchen, they were staring at each other, devouring every line of their faces, picturing everything that could happen in the short moment between now and their son’s awakening. Finally, Rey smiled and glided under the table.

“What are you doing?” Ben stammered as she was pulling his shorts down.

It all happened very fast. Her mouth found the line of dark hairs under his navel and travelled down to his crotch. He liked the way her lips were always wet when she was taking care of him, that her hands were gentle and firm when she gripped the base of his cock and the humming at every stroke was sending him high in space. Ben had no idea what he had done to deserve that treatment so early in the morning, but he was taking everything in: the hand cupping his balls, the tongue rolling around his tip, the lips sucking at the veins marbling his shaft. A light layer of sweat covered his entire body as she pulled on his dick, sucking hard and deep, and tried to make him sit still.

Sometimes, her eyes found his and he could see the cheeky but loving smile she was sending him. Ben watched his cock going in and out of her lips and he restrained himself for pulling her hair too harshly, but God knew how much he wanted to do it. A slow tension had started to build from his stomach to his balls and he needed to let everything go, but not like that. They had not made love in weeks, too exhausted and busy to do that. He felt guilty everytime he fell on the mattress and rolled on his side, incapable of doing anything else. That morning, he wanted to give her some too.

Ben gently pulled her face away from his crotch and looked at Rey as she was sill licking the tip of his cock. His heart thumping furiously in every places, he promised himself he would find the energy to have more of this in the future. She smiled again, the flat of her tongue waiting for his delivery but he pulled her up on his lap and she screamed with surprise.

“Ben… I could finish you…”  
“You don’t want more?”

She smiled and whispered in the crook of his neck “of course I want to.” Ben didn’t wait any longer and opened the belt of her silky robe, unveiling her naked body before his eyes.

“You… why are you naked?”  
“Because…” She started with a light chuckle. “I wanted to celebrate our birthday too.”  
“And you thought I was the one who needed an orgasm? You did the hard work, babe.”

While he was talking, Ben had started to rub his fingers between her legs, drawing moans from Rey’s mouth. He watched her wave against his hand, her thighs straddling him and her breasts tempting him as she was getting closer to him. Without any hesitation, his lips wrapped around her nipple and started to suck needily on it. For weeks, her body had belonged to their son and he had waited for her to be ready to share it with him again. Now that he had found her back, he couldn’t have enough of her skin, the nice swell of her breasts, the round curve of her waist and the sweetness of her slick.

Rey started to rub herself against his cock, coating it with her wetness and asking Ben to take care of her. Every friction of her clit against his glans was sending electric shocks to both of them. He could feel his dick twitch as she caged it between them and kissed him with vigor and thirst. That was his call to take matters into his own hand. In one motion, Ben grabbed Rey’s body under her thighs, lifted her and laid her down on the wooden table of the kitchen. She screamed and laughed, pulling him closer at the same time with her legs already around his hips. His thumb found her clit again and started to circle around, push with light rubbings and coating it with more slick as he dove his finger between her folds.

“Stop playing!” She begged. “We don’t have much time…”

Ben smiled at the idea of getting caught by their family while doing it in the kitchen in broad daylight. They still had long hours to go before everybody would arrive but his mother could decide to help them with the lunch at any hour. And the baby could wake up at any moment now. But Rey wasn’t afraid about that and he knew it.

“You just can’t wait to get fucked.” He said cockily.  
“Well, what are you going to do about it? Say no?”

“Ben laughed as he thrusted roughly inside her to prove his point. She was so wet and warm inside, so welcoming that they both moaned at the same time, relieved by the sensation. He could feel her muscles already trembling around him and didn’t wait much longer to move. Rey gripped the table as Ben thrusted harder into her, making the old furniture shake on its four feet. The professor couldn’t have enough of the sight of her tits bouncing on her chest, her teeth digging into her delicious lower lip as his cock went in and out of her. He caught a crazy and thirsty pace, listening only to the blood pumping between their legs in unison. They could not had been more in sync than right now.

Hypnotized by the lusty look she was giving him, he sent her legs on his shoulders and crushed her body with his, folding her in half so he could kiss and bite her lips like a famished animal. He had never felt her so tight and she had never scratched his back so hard. Buried deep in her cunt, Ben closed his eyes to fully appreciate the strong and uncontrollable clenches of her walls around him. It was like her body was pulling him even deeper inside her and he didn’t have to move much more before he could feel his own relief, his tongue tasting the salt in her neck as his whole body tensed and arched in pleasure.

They stayed like this for a whole minute, rocked by the sound of their short breaths, their skin gone sticky and warmer than ever. Ben let his dick slip out of Rey’s body and kissed her lazily, his palm finding her breast again. He could go on and on but they had things to do. He just wanted to have a little bit more of this moment of bliss. Rey let him kiss her whole body, eliciting shy moans of pleasure when he was getting closer to her sensitive spots. He could see his spent gliding out of her and he was ready to give her another treat but as soon as he started to kiss her thighs the baby-phone started ringing. Rafael wasn’t crying anymore when he was waking up. Instead, he was throwing his toys out of the crib.

“Here’s Mr. Bunnybun on the floor.” Ben said dramatically while Rey giggled, closing her legs and her robe.

She got up and tucked Ben back in his shorts before wrapping her arms around his neck. “We’ll have more time for ourselves later.”  
“Will we?” He asked curiously.  
“I told your parents to take him tonight… so we can celebrate properly…”

Ben nodded with a smile and stole her cup of coffee to finish it. The last months had been crazy but they had managed to make it work. Rafael wasn’t always easy to handle, especially since both Ben and Rey were so different from one another. But the little boy grew everyday with a better understanding of his tiny world and himself. He was bright and eager to learn, leaving close to no time for his parents to be alone together. But in short moments like this, Ben always found a way to show Rey how much she meant to him.

“Happy birthday to you mommy… I love you.”  
“Hm… Thank you daddy. Happy birthday to you too.” She answered, sealing their lips together again and whispering love words between two kisses.

They were once again interrupted when they realized Rafael was becoming impatient. Ben went upstairs, ready to get another day with his son. When he opened the door of the bedroom, he was immediately greeted by the little energy ball jumping in the new bed he had made for him. Rafael had big, green eyes which never ceased to amaze Ben. But what he found the most troubling were his dark locks, his chubby and large hands, his shoulders already so broad for a toddler. He had seen pictures of himself when he was just a boy, Rafi was his exact replicate but with a kinder look in his eyes. Or maybe Ben was still to harsh on himself.

He didn’t have to say a word to his son anymore because as soon as he approached his bed, the kid ditched his pacifier and raised his arms as high as possible for his father to pick him up. Ben grabbed his tiny but toned body and held him tight, enjoying the quietness of the morning and the soft smell of his son’s skin. He leaned a little closer to the baby mobile and Rafael reached for the dices Ben had added between the glowing stars. Every morning, he had taught his son to take a little bit of luck with himself. It was their family ritual and Rafael was getting very cranky when one of his parents forgot to let him touch the dices. He approached the round mirror on the wall and showed Rafael their reflection.

“Look, baby. It’s you. And you know what? Today is your birthday.”

Rafael looked at Ben, his hand on his father's cheek and his brows raised in surprise.

“Happy birthday my love. You are one year old.” He smiled, showing his pointy finger. “One. That’s how old you are.”  
“One.” Rafael whispered with his soft voice as if it was a precious secret.  
“Yes… One.”  
“What are my men doing up there? Oh, hello little bird!” Rey kissed the baby’s cheeks. “Happy Birthday Rafi!”  
“One!” Rafael shouted, showing his pink finger, just like Ben told him.  
“Wow! You already know how to count. You’re my little genius. Are you hungry, baby?”

Ben looked at the love of his life taking their son downstairs to feed him his breakfast, the promise of this day holding everything he had always wished for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end!   
> I hope everybody had a great time, I sure did!  
> Thanks to everyone who read this story and commented it! Don't hesitate to give me your thoughts about it! 
> 
> Hopefully, I have another story coming. It's going to be a long one, 1/3 canon, 1/3 modern AU and 1/3 crack fic. So, subscribe if you want to know about it! I'll be happy to find you there too!
> 
> xxx


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